Thanks Andy. We have a chance. She still is not ready to commit. No ring back on her finger. We still have pain to go through and trust to rebuild.
But she is here. She has not left. We are parenting the children, making progress, intimate every day. We prayed for each other last night before falling asleep.
Her heart went for another man and that hurts, hurts, HURTS! She fantasized about him and that hurts.
So this is supposed to be a thread about SF after the affair...
So, I am fighting demons of suspicion. To be specific, why is she giving me SF each time. A tool? To appease me? To reward me? For guilt? Because its her "duty? And how many times during and after the A was she totally distracted.
I guess I want it to be out of love and emotion every time. Even the quickie's. Those quickly take care of shared urges, and IMO they are just fine in M. But I still think even the quickie's show a lot of love and connection. She got herself to believing that 80% of the time it was just an act she did for hubby with no great emotional connection.
My question for you would be; do the questions of her motivation for being intimate with you occur before, during, or after?
If it's after, that's bound to happen - SF can and does leave you raw. While they like to toss around that Old-Wive's tale that women HAVE to be emotionally involved, they often ignore the fact that men don't have any way to "fake it." If we aren't "in the mood" then standard SF is NOT going to happen, and at times, we can be knocked out of "the zone" and we aren't going to finish.
Those are obstacles you may face.
What does that have to do with the price of tea in China?
Flashbacks, triggers, mind-movies, questions, and doubt.
This is one of those times where you have to live in the moment. This is a time that it is
right to live in the moment, because it is with your spouse.
If you get thrown off during, try to shake it off and live in that moment.
Now and future centered, stretch.
