Cemar: why do you stay with your wife? Kids? Finances? Too old and too tired to start over?

Look, you could give it a great Plan A, and maybe your wife will respond as you hope. I doubt it, but anything is possible. If she doesn't, you then would need to go to Plan B. What stops you from considering Plan B?

But in January you said:
It seems that you switch your perspective to bolster your current argument. What am I missing?

Again with the oral sex thing. Cemar, that Song has been interpreted a few different ways. Interesting that you select the interpretation that supports your desire for oral sex.

maritalbliss:

Why dismiss oral sex as intimacy? Intimacy for my wife is mostly non-physical. Intimacy for me is mostly physical. We are BOTH right. Neither of us should have our needs dismissed. It is my job to meet her intimacy needs on HER terms. It is her job to meet intimacy on MY terms. I just get the impression here that the men really don't matter.

maritalbliss:

What have I changed? In surveys, roughly 15% of women do not experience problems with their sex drive in their life. Most men ALSO never have problems with their sex drive. That means a huge % of all people do not have problems with their sex drive as they age. Probabaly close to 50% of the population.

holdingontoit:

Basically, my faith is keeping me in my marriage. Divorce is ALWAYS easier then fixing poor marriages, so in order to have ANY hope of fixing a bad marriage, you have to rule OUT divorce. Lets face it, fixing my marriage is going to require UNBELIEVABLE effort from both of us. It is likely BEYOND my wifes capabilities to fix.

Most likely you are right...since she doesn't even know it is broken.

Perhaps it is well beyond your capabilites which is why you've spent 15 years on marriage boards!

I'm taking my car to the shop tomorrow...just gonna drop it off...eventually they'll discover what's wrong...if they even realize it is there....cause I'm not gonna tell them. That's their job after all.

No, no you're making it too easy. If they really had a DESIRE to fix your car.. They'd know to come to your house without you even asking.

I wonder if Cemar gets that or if it went over his head.

Cmon Cemar, get to work, and stop waiting for the world to change to your views, and quoting people or stats to prove your right.

Good luck

Did you not read your quotes? Go back and read those again.

But it doesn't matter, cemar. It doesn't matter if 33.2% of the population is HD and 18.9% is LD and 43.7% haven't made up their minds and 27.3% need time to think about it. None of that matters, do you not see this? What matters is what is happening under your roof.

You have been here for over eight months, laboring under this one issue. You've started what, 8? 10? threads about this one issue. Hundreds of pages of posts later, you appear to be no further ahead than you were on Day 1. Yet you keep posting. I've lost count of the posters who've left your threads because they give up.

I have only two suggestions for you at this point: Counsel with the Harleys. Or release your wife from this marriage so she, and you, can find a compatible partner. I don't think a loving God meant for marriage to create this misery.

IMO you need counseling that we, as your peers, cannot provide. But you've got to admit people have done their best to help you.

I have the innate ability to produce 80% of the statistics I quote directly from my... nevermind.

Well, I happen to know for a fact the 59.6% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

His faith apparently requires him to stay married. His personal beliefs cause him to feel that effort on his part is pointless. I can understand his frustration. Part of him wants to be a martyr. Part of him resents being asked to make that sacrifice. Not a fun way to live.

Did I miss the part where cemar answered why his wife isn't on this site to tell her side of the story?

Well, then, quit bellyaching and live out your marriage, cemar.

Because Cemar's afraid his wife will find his thread and realize how he's been talking about her all this time and leave him.

Maybe. I remember years ago there was a guy who posted here (maybe still does), whose story was basically "I tried to get her to see how bad our relationship was for me, she kept telling me I was nuts, then one day I saw in her eyes that she realized what she had done to me. That was the last time I saw her, she ran from the truth as far and as fast as she could". Maybe cemar's wife will read his posts, feel betrayed and unloved, and leave him to avoid having to deal with his selfishness, frustration and resentment. Maybe she will read his posts, feel ashamed, and leave him to avoid having to deal with her part in causing him pain.

No way to know. Mrs. Hold posted here a few times, many years ago. She basically said "yes, I overspent, no, I don't have much sex with him, much of it is his fault but no I am not perfect either". Then she stopped posting. But she didn't leave me. Nor did her posting here help our relationship.

I would much rather see both of them call the Harleys than have Mrs. Cemar start posting here.

This would be ideal.

holdingontoit,

Agree with you again. Posted to another on this forum tonight and saw this still active. "Effort on his part is pointless" is what I gather as well. So, not sure I see the point of this thread or the interest other than what a grade B film would offer. Just my opinion nothing more nothing less. I think we all know what a marriage requires and involves. And Marital am surprised you seem so caught up in this. It's almost like a terrific Packers defensive back in the super bowl covering a receiver when the receicer has no clue on the route he is supposed to run, so a waste of talent. There are many others sincere who could use your help.

Tom

Here's a start. Why don't you complain to her?