Dang! These are some nosy people! Maybe if they'd been snoopier with your WH and OW you wouldn't have to be dealing with this right now!

You're going to look these nosy [censored] in the eye and repeat yourself: "I am doing this because I love my husband and family and will do whatever it takes to save my marriage and family. I'm asking for your support for my family."

mehr, you've got a gold mine on that website. Let's see: The Chairman/CEO/President, the General Counsel, the Senior Executive Vice President, Performance and Growth - those are your big ones and are good potential targets. But you're right - this is a big company. You need some local info. Go to the 'locations' tab and go through that. Click on United States and look for the area where WH works. Using that link and the 'careers' link may help, but I couldn't find specific names, just phone numbers. You may have to call the number to get a name, but let's cross that bridge later. First, track down your WH's area on that site and get the phone number for careers in his department. Then we'll go from there.

You can do this, mehr.

Yes but when you have THOUSANDS of employees, I think it would be helpful to have at least one supervisor who actually know who these people are. I don't know how to find that out. Who wants to call this company and "BS" your way to some names? I stink at at this.... lol....

I found a local phone number. I am not exactly sure what department he is in because they call it something else casually.... they call it "the flour mill".... but its not milling... and I don't know if its grain.... man I am just lost....

And yes, my FIL is all about covering this up. They have been trying to sweep it all under the rug while I am trying to burn the stupid rug. All they care about is their reputation.

I called my MIL the other day and asked if she could help me get the van to the shop. She said, why, I thought WH would help you with that? I said, "well he suggested he bring the OW over to follow hm to take the van in and i said I don't want her within 100 feet of my home" MIL interrupts at this point and says, "I don't want to hear this!!" and hangs up.

Um ok. Then next time don't ask me stupid questions. They are appauled by the situation but want to live in denial and cover ups.

oh man what if they call me.... what if my DH sues me for loss of a job....

Please stop doing this. You don't employ your H so, of course, you don't have the power to fire him. He can't sue you for something you didn't do. You should put aside all these fears and focus on doing the right thing for your marriage. You really don't have the luxury right now to waste time on your fears.

My friend told me I should not do this because if he gets fired he probably won't get another job and then we won't have any money.

I will grant you it is a scary thing to do and it will shake a big huge hostile hornets nest but it is an illusion that the nest isn't there.
If you do it....you will hear threats and venom that you didn't know existed BUT they DO whether you send an exposure letter to HR or not.
It exists and your H might loose his job and never find one again.......could happen whether you expose or not. In this economy it could happen for a totally unrelated reason. People manage somehow. Scary stuff for sure.

mehr:

Your marriage CAN survive your WH's anger.

Your marriage CAN survive your FIL's and MIL's anger.

Your marriage CAN survive WH losing his job.

But your marriage CANNOT and WILL NOT survive your husband dating and sleeping with another woman.

Oh, and don't be surprised if this great big company doesn't give a rat's butt about an affair between employees. They often don't. If the employees are dating, that keeps them happy to spend long hours in the workplace and on the road together and that is good for the company's bottom line. The employees can't make money for the company if they're home with the wife and kids, and if caught the company will just say that they know nothing about an affair and they were just "Teambuilding" or some such rot like that.

You have nothing to lose but your marriage. I sent a letter to my XWH's Big Corporation, but they didn't care at all. They already knew and had known for years, well before I did. They didn't care because he made so much money for them that they didn't care who he shagged in the process, and letting him date the office sluts kept him happy to work overtime and stay on the road for days at a time. And the company was very happy about that. And now that he's destroyed his marriage with that very behaviour, he's got even more time to spend on his beloved company. So it was all good for them.

So don't worry about it. They will probably do nothing specific, but the idea that They Know that You Know can certainly throw a bucket of cold water on things.

And not having any money? Do you have any idea how much divorce lawyers cost?

It's probably the one that refers to grain, but you want to be sure.

Narrow down the number for his location as much as you can. Does he have any paperwork around the house that might help? A company newsletter, maybe a paystub that will reference the location, anything at all?

Or he will leave you for OW and you'll be arguing with him about the child support for the next however many years. You'll have no husband and be fighting over money with your ex. That's another possibility. I know which one I'd go with.

And think about it: how many people do you know who were fired and then never worked another day in their life because they couldn't get a job? I know people who have been fired, and they're all working today.

What did YOU do? You're not the one who had the affair. What would your husband sue you for? Stating the truth?

please check this link:

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/u...in=160078&Number=2367392#Post2367392

you can call steve harley and do a telephone session with him...maybe he can help assuage your fears and give you some advice

mehr, how are you doing? Any more info on the specific department you were looking for? Do you need more encouragement for exposing?

mehr,
I am hoping that you come back and read this

Like you my XH had an A with his direct report at work but I worked there also.

Like you I dragged my feet to expose at work. I was embarrassed, I was confused, I was worried about the MONEY, blah blah blah.

The A began in June of 08, XH moved out Oct 08 and I waited till January 09 to expose at work.

Too little too late.

It was laughable now about all the non-issues I was scared about.

What is now not laughable is that XH and I got divorced the end of 09 and he married PP on 10-10-10.

I have 2 DDs that have not seen their Dad for almost 2 years and he has declared bankruptcy.

And I should have been worried he lose his job?????

Because my company handled it poorly neither was fired and I had to make peace with that without getting fired myself.

Worried about money -- Divorce is expensive

Worried about being in poverty - once OW gets her hooks into him fully he will give you as little as possible.

Lives are destroyed, your family will be destroyed, my girls are growing up without the Dad they knew and loved, respected and thought was their hero.

Regrets many. I regret I did not listen to these good people and kaboom this out of the water. I wishi I had exposed PP at her desk, I wish I had the opportunities I did not take ...why "because I was scared".

Would it have been any different? I don't know but if I could do it over again I would not have those regrets and gave the exposure 120%.

I rather have my XH mad at me for blowing up the A for awhile if it would have restored my M.

Want reality. Can't give you more than that.

Blessings.

Maybe... I still have not done this. In his book he says, expose to everyone and "maybe even" to his work place. He doesn't say it is required, but that the affair thrives in secrecy. Everyone knows but those workplace authorities, I told my family and his family by phone the first night, everyone else shortly after that, and then I wrote a letter using facebook to her family and friends. It just doesn't seem like this letter would have the effect I want, and I wish I had gone with my intuition when I first saw the affair coming in December, so I am trying to trust it more now. Something in me says that sending a letter to the workplace authorities isn't going to do it. But I know its part of the plan too, and of course I want to do what will matter. And I hear what you guys are saying about them having the workplace in common. Maybe I will look back and have regret... maybe I won't... I mean I think I could look back on the letter with regret too.

My husband is just waffling about apparently confused.

Did you read my post???? Maybe you will look back with regret??? As long as this A is going on you will lose your M.

You keep looking towards your H for signs. He is a wayward. You need to control your actions instead of following his craziness.

It is not your intuition -- It is fear of making your H mad.

You need to expose to the people who can pressure the APs to end the A. When the APs don't work together exposure at their jobs would probably not be effective, unless they worked at a company that promoted itself and its employees as having integrity and morals, etc.

The difference here is that your WH and the OW work together.

MB - I'm not sure about not exposing at work when they AP don't work together. I did that, in the hope of reaching co-workers that the OM knew and/or would talk to him. I managed to obtain work email addresses from the jokes he was forwarding to my WW. I knew it would be potentially damaging to OM's career, but I was/am fighting for my M. I was trying to make WW too much trouble to be worth for him. I believe it was part of an effective strategy. Also, since OM was using his company email address to correspond with my WW, I told the company that he was using their resources to facilitate an adulterous relationship. Bottomline, I tried to make him feel uncomfortable at work for a couple of days, in addition to blasting any and all personal email addresses I found in the strings. It boiled down to roughly 50 addresses that I broke down into chunks.