My condolences.



Can someone please tell me what in the hayul is wrong with men/women who abandoned thier children? I will NEVER understand this. Is it as simple as they are just wussies? I do not get it.



Awesome.

My 24 yr old daughter bought me dinner and a pink t-shirt that says "Mothers are better than Dads"....lol....She said she couldn't resist.

Kerby,

Sorry about Himself..... maybe he'll go for a run around Mud Island with what-her-face....


Thanks for checking in of the journal, I expect most of my efforts will be there for the summer

SC

It sounds like you've got a real adventure planned! That's a great idea - you get lots of time with your son and time away from your WstbXW.

I've just gotten the latest in the legal saga.

I'm so tired of it all. We had an agreement about a change in the boys education written into the marital dissolution agreement. Now, instead of just going along with what has been already decided (what HE wanted, not what I wanted), he is demanding all kind of paperwork so that he can "decide what is in the best interests of the children."

This is costing me lots of money in legal fees and creating all kind of stress in my life. I'm worn out.

I can only imagine. I'm just starting this process and I'm already worn out.

Is this his attempt to control the situation, to stay connected? Sounds like a nightmare.

I think it's about control. There's almost no contact. Since the first of the year I have sent him snail mail about once a month and 4 or 5 emails. He hasn't asked to see the kids since Christmas.

Were your kids torn about where to stay? On the way home from school my 6 year old said he wants to live with his dad bc he is more fun. My 12 year old said well he doesn't have a place of his own.

I was floored. I asked the 12 year old if he'd rather live with his dad- he said no. This is so hard on them.

Not at all.

He's not a nice guy. The idea of staying with him has never come up. The last time the boys had an overnight with him was a week-long vacation last May. They came home saying they NEVER wanted to go on another vacation with him because he was so difficult.

My oldest dd had been encouraging me to divorce him for a couple of years due to the way he treated me (and them.)


I'm so sorry. It IS hard on the kids. It doesn't matter if the other parent is a great guy or an awful jerk. The kids want two parents who love each other and love them. Our kids don't get that.

AMEN to that. And to think that most of these waywards (well, at least mine has) say "I've stayed for the kid(s)". Yeah, just staying isn't enough. But, renters and freeloaders don't get I guess.


{{{{Kirby}}}}

I feel for you. The fact that a Judge hasn't shut this down yet, is mind-boggling. Himself definitely sounds Narcissistic.

I have got to say Kirby, the Name you have for the man, "Himself", certainly is appropiate..

Reminds me of Gollum in lord of the rings.

Also of scripture, in the way Wayturds think..

James 1

5 If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.

6 But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed.

7 For let not that man think that he shall receive any thing of the Lord.

8 A double minded man is unstable in all his ways.


But as we know what Himself worships, (Himself?), it is not surprising he is so unstable, we make terrible Gods.

Mine is a great guy who is being an awful jerk...you're right kids want two parents who love each other and love them...

Mine get, me who loves him and them and MY himself who loves himself and cares for the kids...



Mine too said this... I'm staying for the kids, yet wasn't able to come home till 830 at bedtime... WTH?!?! oh and has only called 2 times in a month to talk with them...

What is up with the Judge, I wonder why he lets this drag on?

Kirby - I understand your XH is still extremely wayward even after the affair has ended.

You mention the MC thinks his is a narcissist.

Today, why do you think he is still very wayward? How have you protected yourself?

I know my recovery today is based on seeing how I turned into an enabler for much of my marriage. Today I have to focus on setting my own boundaries to protect myself from the manipulation, the selfishness, and everything else that has come from my very wayward husband.

How are you building yourself up today? When did you accept you deserve 10000x more than what he can offer you. How did you grieve the loss of so many years with your five kids?

Sorry if you have already answered these questions. Just point me in the direction of your answers.

Thanks Tough~

Hi Kirby...just popping in to check up. It looks like himself is still being himself.

I hope it's over for you soon.

My crazy WXH is trying to send the children to boarding school.

At first I thought he was just being weird. Now I've found out that he's chosen a school 750 miles from here. And has filed for sole decision-making regarding education.

This jerk has spent fewer than 10 hours with our children in the last year. He doesn't want to parent them and is trying to get them away from me.

That is.....so strange. What does he claim the basis for that request is?

With his approval I began homeschooling our children in 1996. The oldest 3 all graduated and went on to college with few or no problems. Oldest graduated from college with honors.

After I filed for divorce, he couldn't figure out what to tell people about why we were getting divorced. He couldn't say that he was in love with another woman because he has a reputation as a fine, upstanding Christian businessman to protect.

He finally decided to start telling people that we were getting divorced over homeschooling. (Yes, I realize that sounds delusional.) The two younger children have severe learning disabilities, and he is trying to use that as a hook to get control over educational decisions.

When we were in mediation, one of the things that he requested is that they go to a local private school that is only for students with learning disabilities. I agreed to that and it was written into the marital dissolution agreement. They have started going there for summer school and are on track to go for the fall.

Then he suddenly filed an emergency petition requesting that he have sole decision-making regarding the children's education and at length sent a packet of information about this boarding school.

I think this is a control issue. Now that we are divorced, he isn't able to control me and he wants control of somebody. I also think that he is jealous of the fact that the kids and I have a good relationship and wants to create distance between me and them.

I can't imagine he will get anywhere with that demand. Especially since you have agreed to the private school.

I agree it is about control. Hang in there!

p.s. my XH claims homeschooling played heavily into his decision to drive our marriage off into the ditch with his affair. ??? makes no sense.

Kirby....your wxh is a piece of work. Truly. He is definitely wanting control. Considering that you homeschooled, and they all graduated from college, and one with honors, I highly doubt he has any basis for this ridiculous entitlement he is asking for.

I think you are 100% correct that he is trying to control anything he can that will affect YOU. He is probably a miserable and angry man, due to his own choices, and still needs someone to blame, and that is you. He truly is blind, and a big [censored].

After hearing your stories of your ex, I thank God I do not have minor children with my stbx. I have a boat load of compassion for you.

We need to brainstorm to get your ex off your back.

Is there anyway you can print out, maybe double spaced, every single hearing, motion, whatever your ex has filed, the money it cost, and bring that to the next hearing....along with every single document involved in all of these processes, lay it on the table in front of the judge, and ask that he ban your ex from more frivilous filings?

Kirby....are you e-mailing, and/or talking directly with your ex? If so, maybe having an IM would put a STOP to his harrassment.

Some waywards like any kind of attention. Even if it's negative. He could be acting passive agressively, trying to hurt you because he is so miserable by his own choices.

I think if you go NC with him, he'll find someone else to torment.

Court tomorrow. Please pray.