Typical
Her little fantasy is being destroyed, and I bet things aren't all unicorns and rainbows for the two lovebirds.



Whats on the docket this week?

Well, it was scheduled that everything in the motion as well as the PPO was going in front of the Judge this Friday. But, my lawyer called me and said the court wants to move it to Monday *sigh* So I don't know when its gonna happen. I told my lawyer I'm tired of taking time off work with no pay. I'm already off Friday so I lose nothing.

I just want all of this over with......

I did get into an arguement with my lawyer about my 401K funds. He's asking me to bring it to him, but wouldn't show me a court order. When he did produce the order, it seemed fishy. Hand wrote was the order to produce the money. Not initailed by either lawyer or the judge. I feel I shouldn't have to give it to him.

Sack

Good luck with court on Monday.

Can I ask why your lawyer wants your 401K? Is it part of a settlement, judgement or part of your legals at this point?

Tell me if its none of my business. Just seems odd or has this been a fight for some time already?

I am no lawyer but I know it would take a lot to get my retirement money out of me and into someone elses hands at this point in life.

nESRE

What???!! I've never heard if such a thing. Producing records? Yes. But bringing him the actual monies? Did you make a withdrawal or something? What else is going on? This makes no sense to me.

That�s weird. Is that how you�re paying him? Is this for discovery? I don�t understand why he�s asking for this.

Have you had a face to face with your lawyer about this?

Sounds like the STBXWW is asking for some of you 401k as part of a settlement. And you layer wants to deal without your full knowledge.

Schedule an appointment with him Friday, find out whats going on.

Well the STBXW lawyer keeps bringing the issue up. I did take a withdrawal once I lost my job. But no status quo was in play and still isn't.

I'm just gonna bring him an accounting sheet of where the money has been spent and what's left. I'm not gonna tuen ove any money just yet. My expensives are through the roof right now and overpower what I'm making due to having to entertain the kids and driving so many miles each week due to my displacement.

If you have any advise, let me know.....please.


Going to see him after work today.

Court postponed til Monday....

Keep track of your expenses during this time which are incurred by the travel. A judge can take that into consideration but you must offer proof of your expenses. Keep your receipts and document the distances you have to drive and the expenses incurred because you're not in your own home, such as having to eat out because you don't have a dining room, etc.

Those are all things which must be taken into consideration by a judge. You can also site the fact that you were unemployed for part of this time and have had legal expenses on top of it all, which were incurred by defending false charges and that you should be reimbursed for these legal expenses.

Good documentation will help you. Documents, not clients, win court cases. Make your documentation easy to understand and you will win.

I, for example, contested my ex on the number of overnights I had versus what she claimed I had. We disagreed, but I provided the court with a month to month label of the days with a label of a K for her and an R for me. It then became an issue of simply counting up the R's and the K's. This was very simple to understand and I showed how I used the current judgement and the school calendar along with some educated guesses based on historical precedents (such as when school would start after summer vacation).

It was simple to understand I ultimately won that fight. Her calendar count was harder to understand. The overnight fight was important because the more she had the more I paid in terms of CS.

I stayed true to the calendar and didn't add or take away days like she did.

So part of your requests should include a reimbursement of legal expenses from her in addition to charges of filing false police reports. Press charges. Go for the jugular. Fear will make her negotiate terms better for you.

What did the lawyer say?

Well,..........things got a little ugly. I think i offended him a weeeee bit. My question to him was the the hand writen portion of the court order, there were no initials on it at all. Which made me believe that he just whats to secure his pay. I asked him if my money was going into an account that would earn interest, and he said yes but i wouldn't get any of it, it goes to the BAR association. Well, when I said, "so others will be making money on my money", he blew up. Luckly the situation got defused. I really thought he was about to quit on me. I had to tell him that I'm just trying to protect myself, and what I've worked so hard for all these years. Well, by the end of the meeting, he shook my hand and also gave me a hug. It was tough being there and knowing that all my stress has just been sitting with me. Then, to almost lose my representation, that wouldn't of been good at all specially with this big case in the next few days. I turned over what I had left of my life savings.......I didn't want to do it, but at this time, I ain't gonna see any of it anymore. Lawyer costs of mine so far exceed the 10k mark just defending myself through all this mess she has started, and it aint over yet....

You can save money by running things here first. There are lawyers on this board and many of us have been through the mess. We don't know things in the details your lawyer does, but we can give some general advice.
I paid lot of money just to be educated about things we could do and not do.
It's not what I wanted, but I learned a lot. I'm no lawyer and don't claim to be but can offer my experience.

Dad - if you remember though - she's filed false police reports that he's had to defend himself - this goes beyond just a divorce attorney. He's had to have help to defend against criminal charges.

Sack - will your attorney go after her for those costs?

Sack,

I hope things went well. Give us an update when you can.

Update.....

Sat in court for 5 hours, counsel got called back into the chambers 4 different times, then judge decides to schedule a trial hearing on the matter in a month and a half. $1000 day for nothing in return. Basically the judge said, "well she's got no where to go". Like I had somewhere to go after I was tossed into jail and ordered out of my home???? WTF????

I'm pissed.... The safety of my children are at risk, this was an immediate motion. I'm still in limbo about everything in my life.

Talked with my atty yesterday and asked if there was a way to move this forward and he said that we could try and put it in front of an arbatrator (I hope that's spelled right). I said lets do so if possible. I'm sick and tired of this whole mess and ready to raise a white flag, but I know if I do then my kids are still in harms way.

I have a good friend willing to find me another atty as he thinks mine may not be handling the situation well at all. He's willing to pay the retainer too. But I'm stuck, lost, confused, emotional, stressed, and everything else that any man would be in my situation.

Any suggestions?
Any suggestions?

I think the new attorney may be a good idea. I've been following your thread and just seems, he's not the "go for the jugular" type that you'd want in your situation.

I would follow your friends suggestion, and take his help with the understanding that it may be a gift, depending on the outcome and resultant financial situation.

I have questioned you Lawyers competence a few times in this thread. He just seems to be the "Roll With It" type.

Arbitration probably wont work with your WW.
Unless you are willing to allow her to live rent free in your home wile you pay the mortgage and sign over at least 75% of your take home pay for her expenses. Because that's what her and her boyfriend are aiming for.

Please Sack, at least look into another lawyer. Did you ask around about this guy? Does he have a good reputation? The lawyer I used came highly recommended by several people including my councilor.

Told you. Mom biased system. Press charges against her for libel or slander, as appropriate

No (I'm a mom who went thru a divorce with a pig headed xh who was hell bent on destroying) it's not.

What WORKS in divorce, is documenting every damn thing she does that is questionable, negative, an example of poor parenting, and immoral behavior in front of the child(ren).

I had my xh beaten every time, but he wore me down in the end (I have full custody now) and he got more than he should because he could afford to keep fighting me (he made 5x more than I did).

How I beat in court a vengeful, horrible, beyond evil wayward (trust me...Darth is one of MB's worst ever ws!)was thru documentation and seeking out the meanest yet judge-friendly lawyer I could find. That is what won in the end.

My friend from here (our families are friends now too!) won custody from his xw (they're remarried happily now) applied the same principal. He documented every little teeny piece of anything.

If you agree as I do and 99 percent of this site does, that a WS doesn't make a good parent (too damn selfish) then you will have no problem going down this route.

And if your ww claims you are violent? Easy to prove her wrong. 1)bring somebody with you at all times during drop offs' or any public interactions or within your home if she comes to visit.

2)carry a var with you at all times ON YOUR PERSON, with battery ready and realize that the truth will set YOU free, not the WAYWARD!!!

You are fighting for your kids, your life, and your ability to provide for them, as the non-wayward spouse is ALWAYS the more logical parenting choice and the more stable parent. So you have to go to legal war, wage hell on the WS b/c it's going to be you most likely, who will raise the children and that costs $.

Heck, if it were me, I'd always look amazing, be soooo nice to her but speak only the truth, and remind her that "everything is being legally documented dear". Just let her know that you're not taking her crap. From this day forward, never ever let her see you sweat, or see you lose your temper or cool, never use a swear word, and always stay even-steven calm.

Usually that's enough to elicit a response from her on YOUR VAR as in, she will lose it and begin behaving crazy.

Let's set emotions aside. It is time for legal war here. YOU do all you can do, and you are the only one who can rationally think here, b/c you're not clouded, addicted, and utterly selfish (like a wayward is).

If little old me can do this, and take on a CEO (twice..1st time he got 30 percent custody, far more than he should have gotten) and win (second time I have full custody), then you can beat your ww at her own game (except you're not lying and cheating and sleazing around as she is, sadly).

YOUR kids depend on YOU! Now stand tall, be calm, be cool, and get a new game plan AND LAWYER and stick it to the wayward in court. YOU can do this!

That's all good advice, but I remind you that this woman has filed false charges, alienated him from his children, filed false police reports, and done a ton of other things and the judge came back with "she has noplace to go" despite all her horrible deeds and the fact that Sack hasn't done anything.

So, again, it's a mom biased system. A dad is lucky to get 50/50. If the actions were reversed, Sack would have a restraining order, be under arrest, would have been attacked savagely by CPS regarding his false allegations, and would be crucified. He'd probably also be labeled a deadbeat.

Your advice is generally correct, but you still run into the idiot judges and a system that favors moms.

Your position is that justice in America is not slanted against males in any conflict with females? Really???

If the answer is yes, you might be the only person who has slept through the numerous moronic judgments of the last forty years sticking it to males in the name of "equality".

So, it's good to meet you, Rip Van Peachyisback!