No, she is leaving for the affair. Yes, there were problems BEFORE the affair, but she didn't leave over it, did she? She is leaving for her affair. I am not guessing, I am telling you this is the reason. She is leaving to pursue her affair.


A keylogger is a stealth program you can install on her computer that will record everything she does and send you a report. A good one is eblaster because it will email reports to another computer. It costs about $100 and is very easy to install. You can download it here: spectorsoft.com

You're absolutely correct. She is not leaving you because of an EA. She's leaving you because of a PA. She can't very well screw her boyfriend in front of you and your daughter, and she can't go to his house to do it because he's either married or living with his parents.

Hence the apartment. Yes, you are in denial. Please pull yourself out of that. You are wasting precious time.

This is a physical affair. She has been sleeping with him. And he is very likely married.

Thanks, I'l think I'll down load it. It is on a computer she will be taking with her.

Jeez, this is one foggy BS that we're dealing with here!

The WW is REFUSING to disclose the name of the OM to him, yet he believes what she has to say about the A? Amazing...

I am developing a battle plan. I still need to re-read the book SAA. In the present time I am going to do everything I can to stop the affair. Work with me here. I usually do not rush into anything with out first knowing the plan and what the outcome should be. Right now I'm not the one taking out of the love bank. Probably isn't much there anyways. But I want her out until she can -shall we say see the light! I am pretty drained, trying to be the best I can be and do what I can without cdreating permanent damage for myself and the kids. I need to do some homework and some sleuthing. Thanks

In the meantime, find out who this OM is. Have you looked at her cell phone bills? You CANNOT let up until you find out who it is. You really have to get pro-active here and make this happen.

What she will be seeing is not the light, but the OM.

Forcing her to move out is a BAD move, if you want to save your M. Not only will it be more difficult to spy on her activities, you are basically driving her into the OM's arms by pushing her away. And she will blame you for doing that!

Reading SAA is great, and I recommend it to any couple. It contains some info that will help you immediately by confirming what we're telling you. It also has a lot of info that you can't put to use right now. You, my friend, are in a triage situation. You are where direct force needs to be applied to the wound. We're telling you how to do that, consistent with SAA.

She isn't going to see the light while she's busy affairing. Please make use of the knowledge that is being given to you.

So I should tell her she is not leaving? She said I could put enough pressure on her to stay as I did last time. She said she resents me more than she did a year ago. I shot a text to her telling her we need to discuss things tonight. I plan on having her sit down with me and log on to her yahoo account and her phone to see who she is talking with. I'm sure she won't because I will catch her lying about the PA. I can probably make her stay (or maybe flee tonight)but what if she says no to the logging in and says she is leaving anyways. I am willing to do what needs to be done. If I understand right I may have to make a huge withdrawl from the love bank in order to make it better?? The knowledge everyone is giving me is great-doing it is another thing!!

Her cell phone is thru work. She has access at work that I cn not tap into. I can and will at home though!

You need to get the keylogger installed NOW. Before you talk to her again and risk her leaving with the computer before you can install the keylogger.

I will be installing that before she gets home!

I,m new to some of the acronyms PA was I thought Present Affair. I know better now!

********, you should understand that waywards all act the same. A wayward husband in Seattle says the exact same things as a wayward wife in Miami. Age, sex, ethnicity, cultural background, religion all do not matter. There is a very specific way to attack your problem and you are getting better advice here than you can get anywhere on the planet. You have a number of our veterans advising you, you are in the best of hands. The best chance of saving your M is gotten by doing exactly what they say.

So at all costs I should convince her to stay??

Not at all costs.
Do not sit and ask her to log in to her accounts. She won't do it and it won't do you any good (besides....your keylogger will tell you all anyway).
Instead, tell her that you love her and want to meet her needs and are sorry you were not meeting them and it left her vulnerable to an affair.
Plan A her. Be an attractive, understanding, amazingly emotionally deep man.
Yup.
Tell her you would like her to stay to work on the marriage. That you love living with her.
She might go after you say these things but she will have an open door to come back.
You plan A until you decide it is time to go to plan B and you write the most romantic love letter and go dark.
Then, she can not lay blame on you when she is with OM. She can not villify and devalue you any more than she has and will start to think little positive things about you.
When you find out stuff on a keylogger...you do not blow your cover. You collect knowledge and ride the waves of horror as you find things out and learn who she really is and who you really are.

I guess I am doing Plan A. I have said those almost exact words to her. I did let her know the door is open to come back. I will use the key logger which will let me see remotely what is going on. I am trying to show her that I am understanding and with all the stress I have been working out hard. Lost about 12 lbs. I'm only about 12lbs away from a goal weight that I have been trying for. I consider myself an easy going person but I also don't want to go down with out a fight. When I feel I've reached the end of Plan A, Plan B will start. Thanks for the words

This is very important. I had a keylogger on XH's laptop for 6-8 weeks. The last four he was out of the house...I confronted him about the affair but didn't let him know that I found out from a keylogger. Those last 4 weeks were brutal but that info gave me the knowledge and clarity I needed to make a decision about the rest of my life.

Knowledge is power.

No, don't do any of that. Stop acting on your own, please. Do what we told you. Say nothing, put the keylogger on her computer and FIND OUT WHO THE OM IS. Stop fighting and discussing and asking. FIND OUT WHO THE OM IS. Then come back here and we will give you next steps.