We did not have anything worth fighting for, our furniture was all what I call 'Early DAV'. Meaning the earlier you got to the DAV thrift store on saturday morning the better the furniture you might find.

We had a couple 'new to us' pieces of furniture. The loveseat and recliner, he bought with his mother about five years earlier, the dog slept on the loveseat, and I slept in the recliner, I got both, and the recliner has since gone to my son, as it is about to break and I'd just as soon it wasn't when I was in it. I sleep on the loveseat now, it reclines as well. I can't sleep flat due to my back...well, I CAN, but not if I want to walk in the morning. It's not my taste in furniture, but until I can afford something different, it works.

There was also the two oak bookcases and coffee table. We had a 'fight' over those. We bought them unfinished, his mom I should say paid for them. I however spent the two weeks putting on the hand rubbed oil finish, sanding between each one with about 15 coats. I told him I'd take a sledge hammer to them before I let him have them, his choice. That fight lasted long enough for me to get that sentence out. He knew I'd do it and backed off.

He got the bed, he offered it to me and I threw up. Right there standing at the bottom of the stairs, what a mess, and there was nothing I could do to stop it. Talk about gut reaction. He never offereed it again. He got his computer, desk all his junk and I got anything I wanted other than his junk. I left a LOT behind, taking only what I needed, and my junk.

We were losing the house, I was moving into a 2 bdrm apt with our daughter and he was moving into his mom's apt. We did not have much room to fight all things considered. I needed furniture - he did not, and he's been paying storage ever since for the stuff he took. The rest got left in the house and the bank got the house. We fought more over what to do with the stuff we could not take than what we would take.

Don't keep anything that is his or that you don't NEED, WANT or can eventually sell if he doesn't want it and you can keep it. I guess it depends on what it's worth to you, but try not to keep sentimental stuff, it's just NOT worth it.

Anything you both can not decide on, take to the mediator. The more you can work out on your own, the better, but don't let him walk on you and if its undecided on who gets it, do not let it leave the house!

Thanks for sharing with me how things went for you. It didn't sound very pleasant, and I'm not looking forward to this at all.



Lol...fun, fun. I hope to not have that feeling over anything. That stuff is just not worth it.



Great advice. Thank you.

The kind of person that does that is one who feels they can still control you.


Can you explain this? I don't get it, how can he still have the right to come in at ANY TIME? He does not LIVE THERE anymore. This is a matter of YOUR safety now, not his control. Because his stuff is there? Not sure what state you live in, but I would of changed locks first, asked questions later.


YAY! now you are talking! Put a change of address in with the post office sending it there.


See, this is plenty of time for him to do stuff like change of addresses, wow I'm having a hard time about those locks, when did you find this out? Something just don't seem right there. I understand access to the house, but not at his convenience at any time. What if you were in the shower? And he decided he wanted a little of what he was seeing then? There's got to be a way to change the locks. Its a safety issue.
Any time You need to take back control of YOUR LIFE. If he blows a vein, oh well. He'll get over it.

It will be almost impossible to see him and talk about the stuff without emotions playing a big part of this. Both of you will have them beneath the surface, and its highly probable they will come out.

There is a temptation to meet and go in trying to be the "bigger person", with guns cocked and ready. But if either of you pull em out and start blazing, it will lead to a relapse into depression for you, and more self-righteous Crap from him. (Selfish people don't want no depression or pain to rain on thier parade)

He thinks he is in power now because he left and is the one dealing out the rejection. The best way to affect him is to not give him the satisfaction. Give him nothing to gloat over. No contact at all.


Something you said MJ reminds me of my marriage at times. When you said he would save his verbal abuse for behind closed doors.

I remember "covering" my wifes problems from the rest of the world, and putting on the best face for everyone. I also took on more than I should have, thinking that it was what I needed to do at the time. Nobody knew how she affected me really, and my frustration and deppression that existed to the world and my kids was a symtom of many things hidden from them.

In private when I would bring up issues she would blame shift and make excuses, and of course it was all my problem. The rejection and frustration beat the heck out of me. I am glad you are getting free.

Exactly. He reminds me all the time, when he does stuff like that, why I'm better off without him.




It's just the way things are here in Fla. I actually checked this out a few years ago, when we were separated and I was in a plan B.

I just called the police department again, and got the same answer. Until a court order says I have the house, he has access. I told the officer that he just walked in the house yesterday, and there's nothing they can do.




The post office is my next call.......



I'm trying but my hands are tied with the house. I do need this to end. If he doesn't file soon, I am.

This is exactly what I'm afraid of. Since we've been talking about this here, I have decided that I will not be in the same room with him, ever, if I can help it.

If he comes and takes stuff anyway, I can't do anything about it except for document it and give the information to my attorney. If he does try to railroad me, it probably wouldn't look good for him.



Oh yes, I did the same thing. In fact, I still am. I am keeping things hidden about him still that would be very embarrassing for him if the world knew. However, I'm not trying to protect him, I am protecting someone else who I care about.

And you know what P.C.? Most of my keeping things hidden from the rest of the world about him was a waste of time. I've had people come to me and tell me what a d1ck they always thought he was. He "creeps" them out.




Me too!

I'm ready for those beers and speedwagon records now!

Ok, I e-mailed him back and offered to take pics of the stuff in the house, so that he can make a list.

He counteroffered with he'd come by the house this weekend, inventory the house, and make a list.

I'm ok with that. Now I just need to see if there is anyone that would be willing to watch him for me while I'm gone.

Sometimes I wonder if he is reading here, and that's why he agreed to a list. Maybe he's smart enough not to try to railroad me, because it wouldn't look good for him in court?

MJ, it's highly possible he IS reading this. It would be something someone like him would do. You can read the forums without ever making a log in name too, which is both good and bad.

On that note, WHY give in to him doing the inventory? TAKE PICTURES of every square inch and everything in it. Digital cameras are cheap, hold a lot, and you can reload them over and over again while downloading to a computer and putting them on disk.

DO NOT let him come in to inventory the house!!!! HE WALKED OUT of it. You might not be able to change the locks based on the police department, but that would not stop me from changing them, sorry. He'd have to work to get in. (Probably why i'd of done so first, asked questions later).

I hope you have a lawyer, if not GET one and file! Why wait for him? Get it in there that you have control of the house and get them locks changed legally if that's how it has to be.

You need to take care of YOU first now. MJ you are only five months into a long long road, I'm a full year ahead just on the seperation part, its not an easy road, especially when you aren't the driver.

Don't let HIM drive YOUR car on the road to YOUR FUTURE.

If I had it my way, he would not come in the house at all. I can't stop him. If I tried, THAT would satisfy him, because he knows he can break the lock, if he wants to. He would love for me to fight him on coming in the house to inventory. I won't do it and give him the satisfaction.

Honestly, I don't mind him doing the inventory and list. I don't have to be there. I can have him watched. I have survellience anyway.

Plus, I have already taken photos of everything in the house. I will know if he takes something, and if he does, that's on his conscience.



I have a lawyer. I haven't filed because up until recently, I was stupid enough to want to reconcile with him. And I have other reasons that I can't discuss here in case he is reading. And, it WAS a matter of principle to me. I felt he was the one to destroy the marriage, let him finish it off and do the filing.

However, I have already decided that I will file soon if he doesn't. I'm in a different place now....

I live in Florida also and even law enforcement admits it's a very dangerous state. I'd buy a gun for home defense and let hubby know that for his own safety, he better make sure you know he's coming and not let himself into the house unannounced. You'd hate to mistake him for a burglar.

That is a VERY good point. My son does have a gun, and together we practiced shooting it just last weekend. My son is setting me up with one, for my safety when he moves out.

But we have guns now, and will use them in the middle of the night, for sure.

I will pass that message along to my stbx.

Thank you. I WOULD hate to mistake him for a burglar, or rapist, or whatever.

At least you'll know he'll be thinking twice!

Or recognize him as "whatever", out of a deep sleep in the middle of the night.

I meant this as funny but maybe its not..you could plug him one half asleep.

"Freudian slip"?

"Whatever" to me meant anyone who comes in unnanounced and startles me. I think most people when they're scared would shoot first and identify the body later.

He'd be wise to.

Oh man. Do you remember me mentioning how I went straight to forgivness, because anger hurt too much? Well, God must have done a good job with that, because I still love my husband so much it hurts. I miss him. And it breaks my heart that he's gone.

Of course it breaks heart that he's hurt me so much too.

Why couldn't he have been awful all the way around so I wouldn't care so much? What on earth is it going to take for me to not care anymore? He's done enough for just about anybody to not care, except for the kids and I. The kids are a little farther along in not caring than me though. But it hurts them too. I am so sad.

I don't think it's the occasional contact that's keeping me here is it? I've been able to not see him since January, and I still miss him terribly. The only contact has been short business e-mails.

Honestly, the thought of never seeing him has tears running down my face. I want to see him so bad. But I can't because it still hurts.

I think my new prayers are going to have to focus on not loving him, but still be able to be kind.

I think I'll soak in a hot bath now....

Yeah, I'm already feeling bad for being angry at him, and I didn't even let him know I was angry. I was just clear on not walking in the house without being invited in.

Man, I sound pathetic. Seriously.

My Dad was extremely abusive and I loved him to.

I need a shrink.