Melody, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be rude. I appreciate all of your posts and now especially his. Thank you and please forgive me, NeverGuessed!!! I'm just not that angry YET. See, I've been dealing with this since Dec. I've been angry, I've been sad, I've cried my eyes out, I am heartbroken, I've lost 30 pounds, I've thrown things, I've thrown up, packed things, ripped pictures in half, destroyed things. I didn't mean to be rude, really. I guess I'm just fighting so hard for our marriage and our family that I can't see or think straight. There's been enough hurt here. Believe me when I say that he is NOT getting away with what he did. My sister and her husband are NOT making life easy for him. He sleeps on the floor in the basement when they have a 4 bedroom home with no one but the two of them there. He has no dresser or place to hang or keep his clothes. He has to share a bathroom with my BIL who has had a stroke and it's handicapped accessible. My BIL is a Harley rider, trust me, he puts up with no ones crap. No they cant know where he is every minute but they do know when he should be home from work and if he isn't my BIL calls him. Sure he could lie but I don't think he wants to be dishonest with the BIL. Stroke or no stroke, he's a tough one. They make sure he goes to his counseling, even took him there last week. They are making him accountable for what he did. She even tells him when there's a family get together which he knows he cant go to. It's torture for him not to see his grandsons. They are definitely not enabling him in any way shape or form.

If we end up divorcing, of course, he could not live there anymore. That goes without saying. I know he would go home to mommy, she would take care of her baby boy. You see, she has blamed me for this whole thing. He can do no wrong in her eyes. Needless to say, I no longer speak to her nor will I ever again.

I have a very good lawyer on the line. I've gotten some very good advice from him. I also know what we will be going for should we file for divorce. Talk about rock bottom. He will be in a cardboard box. Without a doubt.

Again, Neverguessed, please accept my apology!

Jodi, they are enabling him by giving him a place to stay. That is my point. They are hurting him and you by doing this. He is being protected from the consequences of his bad choices. That is hurtful, not helpful.

And thank you for apologizing for Neverguessed. His posts are very meaningful and have helped alot of people here.

NeverGuessed isn't bitter. You'll get to know him. That's his posting style, which, I must admit, has me laughing out loud more often than not! (Now don't go thinking you're 'all that,' NG! )[/quote]

I will have to watch him! I'm sorry again NG! He may just be my salvation!

Melody, how do you do that box thing? I tried but I'm not "forum savvy" I guess! LOL!

Oh, I'm just a softy really. I would never do anything to hurt anyone on purpose. I can't wait to see more of his posts. Especially to me. I think I can learn alot from him.

I'm on my way out, and can't write much, but just wanted to say, JodiW, that you need not apologize to me. I'll post more tomorrow, if you don't mind, but in the meantime, PLEASE pay heed to the words of the three "M"s - ML, MB, and MF. They have personally been through what you're just starting, and have aided uncountable numbers of newly arrived BS's here.

Until tomorrow, then........

You're awesome, Jodi!

To do the quote boxes, you can hit "quote" at the bottom of the post you want to reply to. A new box will pop up with the quote already in brackets.

There! Thanks Melody!

You can count on it, NG! I need all the help I can get right now. They have been so awesome and I just started today. You have too, BTW!! Have a nice weekend!

SusieQ, I have just begun. Melody so kindly posted some letters I can use. I have found the Skank on FB, plan on using that in the future. I also have email addresses and phone numbers for the HR supervisor, who I've spoken to before is a real sweet lady, the plant manager, the plant supervisor and the union bigwigs and vice stewards. They work in a factory situation, Skank on a line and she's a union steward and he's an electrician there. Not to mention the Chief Union Steward. I agree at some point in the near future, I need to let these people know about the A. They are supposed to be representing the union members there. If they can't be honest outside of work, they can't be honest inside of work. So far that's all I've got. Anymore suggestions?

Great.

You can start putting together your exposure target list and your plan on paper so that you can get feedback from the board but you don't want to put this off. I would do it as soon as you possibly can...

Yes! Have you read the Carrot & Stick of Plan A? It is in Pepperband's siggy line, she posted to you earlier...

I have something else, will be right back...

:::rubbing hands briskly together::: Oh, HECK yeah, I've got some!
Is OW married? Her H needs to be first in line when you expose. Also track down her parents and any siblings. You've got her FB page - good girl! Get in there and print off her friends list. You may need that for FB exposure. Sometimes the infidels put their page on private when they realize what the betrayed spouse is doing.

Don't say anything to anyone about this! You don't want to tip your hand. We've had betrayeds threaten their wayward with exposure, hoping that will stop the affair. It doesn't work.

Get your list together. The higher-ups are probably not in the office during the weekend. I would set this exposure to go off on Monday. Can you do it?

OK, I thought of this since he is out of the house and my H was also kicked out of the house when I got here at MB. This advice was posted to me and was quite helpful to me because conversation was very awkward and I had been doing A LOT of luvbustering...

This is for the CARROT of your Plan A but please get working on your STICK (exposure!).

Hang in there...

Thank you SusieQ! I did read and printed out the Carrot and Stick from Melody. I will get this in motion come Monday. I know they have left work by now. I am getting some great advice here. I think it may even be giving me some strength. Thanks again!

Jodi, I can't stress enough how important it is to expose. My H wanted to end his A and didn't know how! Can you imagine a successful businessman admitting something like that?? Dealing with millions of dollars in his business every year, and yet he can't tell a co-working skank that he's screwing that it's time for the nonsense to stop? That's what you're dealing with. Many waywards have said it is like an addiction that they can't quit. Your WH is an addict. You've got to help him quit.

[/quote]Jodi, I can't stress enough how important it is to expose. My H wanted to end his A and didn't know how! Can you imagine a successful businessman admitting something like that?? Dealing with millions of dollars in his business every year, and yet he can't tell a co-working skank that he's screwing that it's time for the nonsense to stop? That's what you're dealing with. Many waywards have said it is like an addiction that they can't quit. Your WH is an addict. You've got to help him quit. [/quote]

I agree MB. I think he feels the same way. Has even said he doesn't know how he's going to deal with not talking to her. He has an addictive nature anyway and she is very manipulative. I also think that he doesn't want anyone to get hurt. He's said that too. News Flash, he's already hurt me, his kids, his family, anyone who knows about what he did. He's also dealing with his alcoholism, he hasn't drank since Dec so it's new and it has been very difficult for him. Monday. I'll see if I have the strength come Monday.

Jodi, if you want to quote something, click on "reply." You'll see the previous post at the bottom of the screen. Click on the quotes in the mini tool bar above the area where you type. (") That will bring up two 'quotes' in brackets.

Go down to the previous post and highlight the part you want to quote. Right-click that, click 'copy' and then paste it in between the two bracketed goats. If you want to make sure you did it right, click 'preview post'.

I thought you might like to know that - it took me awhile to figure that out!

Okay, housekeeping part is out of the way.


Uh-huh. Yeah, waywards are reeeeally good at not wanting to 'hurt anyone's feelings.' He's fooling himself when he says this, of course. If he was worried about that he never would have had the A in the first place.

I think the real problem is that they don't like conflict. They don't want to be the 'bad' guy. And they don't want to have to deal with the reality of acknowledging the harm they have caused to someone else.

Think about it: during the affair, they are Prince Charming. In the aftermath, they are The Dud.

To the OW, my H was Mr. Wonderful during the affair. Strong, brave, witty, blah blah blah. The day he apologized to OM, he was a demoralized, snivelling wimp. Not too attractive, eh?

MB have you met my WH??

6 years........the last 2 he really wanted out but didn't want to hurt anyone....duh!!

He knew how I felt but i was such an enabler that it wasn't till I got strong enough to tell him it was over that he finally grew a pair,and ended it.....many tears and snot.....and now all I feel from him is relief that I got tough.

Your last post did sound as though you knew him.....proff if proof were needed that wayturds are all alike!!

Thanks

Excuse me while I hurl... Yeah, buddy. They sure don't want to hurt anyone, do they.

Monday. I'll see if I have the strength come Monday.

JodiW, MB and others have urged you to commit to exposing your WH's affair. I get the impression (feeling? hint?) that you're not yet sold on that, that perhaps you believe his active affair is over.

Sadly, we out here know that that is most likely not the case. I would surmise that he and his piece, since they continue to work together are still very much an "item". It may be that he has gotten very good at hiding his actions from your sister and family. It may also be that they are scamming the company they work for, taking "breaks" in unused storage rooms, etc, (or even using their cars at lunch-hour in the parking lot! - this happened at my previous job).

I would guess your WH is planning on playing the "cake-eater" role, having his fling and yet not cutting his ties to you. He'll not give her up, unless the alternative is brually worse. The "exposure" card you've been urged to play initiates that alternative, and there is a measurable risk that he might well lose his job over this matter. (It would be almost a cetainty if he were her superior in the company; how the union/company will view his being her superior in union matters is less predictable.)

BUT..........YOU DIDN'T CREATE THE PROBLEM. He's having an affair; you'll be using what tools you have to end it. Period. End of discussion. He will try to blame you for the exposure fall-out. You will not accept the blame. He will hit you with the old, "It was the exposure that ended our marriage" line, and you'll answer, "At the time I was forced to expose, we had no marriage."

Here is where you'll bring your doubts and concerns, your worries and insecurities. The MB pros here will get you through this.

Hey, it's MONDAY - the start of a new life!