Cemar,

Well, if that is true that you are in your 60s, as my wife and I are, then I stand corrected and I apologize. That changes the equation obviously...*s*

Still and all, even at age 60, I would encourage you to 'think out of the proverbial box' and to get creative. Kissing is nice....and expecting that is good too..but at your age (my age too) you're going to have to think of some absurd things that she would not expect - try coming home, say nothing, talk briefly about the day, then pick her up and just carry her to the bedroom. It's my belief that women seem to anticipate the unexpected, no matter how long together. Give her oral sex - i.e., don't keep braying about what you are denied - give it to her. Okay 'old timer' ...*s* be creative, and it might just serve you well.

Again, good luck,

Tom

My first love, and that with my wife, started with respect, appreciation, admiration, and a lot of compatibility on basic values.

Physical desire is shallow, illusory, and can vanish without respect and admiration.

Ask yourself, cenar, if you had an injury or prostate cancer, that left you unable to feel lust, could you still be a loving husband? If not, what is missing? Get to work on that.

Retread:

Physical desire is not shallow or illusionary. I was reading the marriage bed website and they discussed LD versus HD. Lots of good comments. The problem with the LD/HD issue is that LD people do not relate sexual desire with anything while HD people integrate their sexual desire into EVERYTHING, and this causes HUGE problems to develop in the marriage. For example, if I pass my wife in the hall, I could easily grab her butt to be playful, but she on the other hand, is NOT thinking sexually, she would be bothered by the grab, and she certainly would NOT be thinking about being sexually playful when she passes me. SO the problem really is not how often you have sex, the problem is that HD people are ALWAYS sexual, every second of every day. We can turn just about any situation into a sexual or flirtatousencounter. The LD person on the other hand, is basically NEVER in touch with their sexuality, they tend to not be able to be spontaneously flirtatous. Something that I have found as the result of this is that even activities that we do together are NOT fun. When we were dating, we could do these things and have fun because there was flirtation, there was sexual tension, not we can do the same activity and I know that there will be no flirtation, there will be no sexual tension in the air, so everything is now serious, there is no fun. After reading all the comments on the other web site, it is very apparent that HD men are MILES away from their LD wifes, the wives are desparately struggling with the problem, and they have no idea how to increase their connection to their own sexuality, and they are becoming overwhelmed. And it is hard work that is very unpleasant for the HD male as well, to try and live a lifestyle that can give the LD woman a chance at success, we have to REALLY, REALLY tone our sexuality down.

I agree with all that you read and reported here, but it doesn't change what I said about you addressing what is missing from your behavior.

Your wife may be LD, or you just might not be warming her up with affection and other ENs.

A lot of men who think they are HD, are just sexually insecure, and have an immature view of sex as something to satisfy their high physical need. They are not really in touch with their sexuality, either, because they can't relax and just be affectionate with their wives without it leading to sex, and not sex for their wives, but sex for themselves.

That would be me. Don't expect to relax and just be until I'm dead.

My take also RT.

I want to be clear that I am not criticizing cenar, or judging him, or accusing him.

The point I am trying to make is that until a man can come to a point in his relationship with a woman, whether it is the process beginning when they first met or the process on any given night years later leading to sexual desire for her, from a starting point of just friendship, respect, admiration, caring and affection building up to passion, he is no experiencing real love.

Starting with the same physical passion that he might have for any of 100 strangers is not going to take him very far.

The fact is that I know a lot of couples who married someone who began as friends. Their love developed by their practicing the same principles as taught by Dr. Harley. They just didn't know it consciously at first. Most figured it out along the way and became better at it. All of them have been married over 35 years.