I will email her and ask her to call me but I know she won't. I heard from her sister yesterday saying she was shocked and would talk to this girl.

No his parents are not closeby. During the week, can I let H come and play with baby while I'm out? Is that ok? I'll wait until he's gone to come in. Will that work? Weekend is easier - he can choose one day and take baby out.

I've asked a co-worker to be the intermediary but she is hesitated. Where can I get help with this?

I did contact her mother, sisters and brothers and some friends. Will send some more today.

I think I will need to move to plan B very soon. Please send me the template letters and ideas. Thanks so much.

Here is a Plan B thread that has examples of PB letters, etc:
LINK

Here is a link for your intermediary when you find one: LINK
Maybe you could show your coworker this link so she has a better idea of what she would need to do.

ps ~ You did a great job yesterday

Thanks so much for your kind words and encouragement. Thanks also for the links.

When should I send the letter to H and OW?

Honestly, I do't see him coming back. I think he just wants to make me pay, make my life more misarable, think of any way possible to punish me...

Perhaps it was my fault to be so nice and sweet to him through out our dating and marriage. He's used to it. Now I stood up and fought hard - how can he want to come back to this NEW ME? How can he imagine living with someone who destroyed his "true love"?

I don't see it happen....

I don't regret about the exposure - in my heart I knew I needed to do it and take results/consequences - standing up for myself and my baby.

In the past 5 months, I've been praying everyday for God's guidance and the thought of exposure kept coming back. To me, it's God's will.

I just wonder why I didn't just file and end this marriage before....

Feeling really down, nervous and anxious right now.... Is that normal?

Madison, if I could tell you the number of times I have seen BWs say this and don't believe the WH will care about Plan B...and then later they are reporting the WH came to the house, made phone calls, etc. He is cake eating so having just the OW meeting needs is going to definitely change the dynamic of the A for him!

But whatever happens you are going to be OK because you will be protecting yourself from his abuse.

Hang in there!

What you are going through is a range of emotions caused by your husbands betrayal of your marriage. At his moment this is not your husband , it is the uncaring selfish side of him. Do not concern yourself with his inner demons he chose his path he must walk it. You have mentioned a few times he may try get back at you, as this is a real concern for you take a number of steps to protect yourself, lawyer up, buy a VAR and make a note of the content and time of any phone calls you have with him, keep a journal with as much detail as you can.

While I do suggest a plan B and for you to fight for your marriage there is no harm for you to do what you can to have full custody of your baby, your lawyer should be able to give you guidance.

Thanks all for your kind advice.

I've just found out that OW is staying by my H. She explained to family and friends about the A with a lot of false facts - that our marriage was going down and I forced H to get pregnant and that we've been going thru divorce but I try to drag things to hold H back... OW will wait for him to finish the divorce and marry her.

I know my H enough - he is a great liar. Now, after this exposure, I'm his worst enemy, he will try to end our M soon and come clean.

I give up, I do'nt want to hope for reconciliation because it won't happen and I don't ever want to live with him. It's better to move on with life.

Please give me some advice as what to do now. Thanks so much for your support.

Should I create a new post so people do'nt have to go thru the 7 pages on exposure ? or should I continue with this post?

Continue with one thread, please.

About OW lies and hopes, I think here the exposure has been useful again. I'm sure that after the exposure it is very hard for her to credibly explain the affair even when she tries to. The fact that she did try does not mean that her friends and family are gonna believe it 100%. Who told you what OW explained - WH?

But I am confused - you stated in your first post that OW does not know that WH is married, how could she explain herself away now with info that your marriage was going down?

Anyway - their relationship is based on lies and deceit and it wont last long. The exposure was the first death punch. Believe me, this affair won't survive the real life. Remove yourself from the situation (Plan B) and you will hasten the fall of the affair. Then they are not able to scapegoat you (but scapegoating BW fuels the drama/affair).

Hang on, you are doing actually great.

recon6mo - thank you. what is "BW"? You said "..but scapegoating BW fuels the drama/affair...". Pls explain.

I thought OW did not know. It seems like H did tell her recently (perhaps after I kicked him out?). I can access H's email and that's how I saw her email to family and friends.

H lied and lies about our marriage going down, the forced pregnant, the on going divorce proceeding... I'm not surprised.

I've decided not to file for D - H will have to take responsibility for that.

Let me read more on plan B and will move to plan B as soon as possible.

Thanks so much for your kind support during this time of crisis. I will write back for more advice.

BW stands for betrayed wife.

Please know that a staggering number of As fall apart. Look at what Dr Harley writes in his Plan A/Plan B article:
But try not to worry the A and instead focus on your Plan B since that is something that you actually have some control over, OK?

Have you started drafting your PB letter? If you post it, we can help you. Do you have an IM in mind?

My co-worker has agreed to be the IM! she's very helpful.

Work is going like crazy.. but I will draft the letter tonight and post.

My daughter just turned 1 last week. H loves her and I'm hoping for the best co-parenting during Protection Phase.

Please advice on visitation schedule!

Excellent on the IM. Did she get the training manual I linked for you earlier?

Do you have a family member/close friend that can be the drop off/pick up place for your daughter?

Have you spoken to her parents personally? I would ask them to call you so you can explain the situation.

And I would set up visitation with your child OUT of your home. You can't do Plan B and have your H coming into your home. It will be a nightmare. You need to also find someone who will willingly and capably act as your IM, even if is a friend who lives far away. It can be done over the internet.

oh good!!


You don't want to do "co parenting," that will be bad for your mental health. You don't want to speak to or see your H AT ALL. That is the best thing for your child. "Co parenting" is a mythological construct of lazy, conflict avoider bureaucrats who work in our nations divorce courts. They try to convince couples that being "amicable" in an explosive situation is "best for the kids." [and keep in mind, they don't give a rip about your kid] Actually, it is best FOR the bureaucrats because it makes facilitating the divorce all the easier.

Yes, I've shared the link with her. I've talked to a neighbor and can use her place for this purpose. Can I allow H to stay at my place with baby until he finds a better/larger apartment? That'd take a couple of weeks..

[/quote]
Have you spoken to her parents personally? I would ask them to call you so you can explain the situation.

And I would set up visitation with your child OUT of your home. You can't do Plan B and have your H coming into your home. It will be a nightmare. You need to also find someone who will willingly and capably act as your IM, even if is a friend who lives far away. It can be done over the internet. [/quote]

Yes, I found a reliable IM!

I sent a private message to her mother but didn't hear back. Based on what I know, this whole family is overwhelmed by my H's $$$$ and they are desperate for it. H gave the mother $ to buy an used car, etc. At this point, I don't expect any support or influence from her family.

YOUR HUSBAND GAVE HIS GIRLFRIEND'S MOTHER MONEY???!!!??!!??

Sweetie, you need to call a lawyer and get legal advice right away. That is dissipation of marital assets.

Even if you have no intentions of divorce, you may need to file for one in order to get an injunction preventing him from giving away or hiding marital assets.

Absolutely not. If you're agreeable to him seeing the child and offer times when he can do so, then it's his problem as to how that happens. He hasn't shown you much consideration these days for squat, so why go out of YOUR way to help HIM??

Just say this...

"WH, baby will be ready for pick-up at 8:00 at ____. Baby will need to be dropped of at ____ at 12:00." The pick-up and drop-off locations are not your house.

And ditto what Kirby said. Call a lawyer and get your financials in order. You're married, and he's spending YOUR money on this woman.

If it were me, I'd file for a legal separation pronto. It would actually make your Plan B a little easier money-wise.