Seriously, just laugh when you hear that. What would you think if someone told you that?

People aren't (usually) stupid and I doubt many will buy what OW is selling.

Waywards tend to think they're smarter than most.

[quote=Northwood8900Absolutely not. If you're agreeable to him seeing the child and offer times when he can do so, then it's his problem as to how that happens. He hasn't shown you much consideration these days for squat, so why go out of YOUR way to help HIM??

Just say this...

"WH, baby will be ready for pick-up at 8:00 at ____. Baby will need to be dropped of at ____ at 12:00." The pick-up and drop-off locations are not your house.

And ditto what Kirby said. Call a lawyer and get your financials in order. You're married, and he's spending YOUR money on this woman.

If it were me, I'd file for a legal separation pronto. It would actually make your Plan B a little easier money-wise. [/quote]

I hear you. I just think about my little baby being dragged from one place to another - it breaks my heart, specially when I know he's living in a small, basic studio. Long term, no way I will let him come to my place but taking baby out right away is hash for my baby.... I'm thinking 1-2 weeks max, unless H does something totally irrational.

Also, thinking about Ow with my baby? I can't even imagine - I will have to make a condition that OW is not allowed to be with my baby. Is that possible?

Money wide, I've made justice by myself - our savings are in a safe place now and I took out enough to compensate for H's exp on the A. Will need to consult the lawyer again.

I'm thinking legal separation too.

I don't see why not. People put terms like that in divorce settlements all the time. A lawyer could advise on how to get a protective order.

Your removing you and your child from this "influence" is probably for the best. If (or likely when) he gets his head out of his rear, you'll then be able to decide if you even want him back.

Sorry if I missed it in your thread, but do you have family nearby? I know how it is to raise a little one with two parents, can imagine how much more difficult it is by yourself.

No, my family lives far away so I can't really count extra help. Oh, my baby sitter is closeby and she's very helpful!

The point of Plan B is to give your H a taste of what divorce looks like. If you were divorced and remarried, he would not be allowed in your house. He should never set foot in your home again until he meets your conditions. Coming in the house not only gives him a "fix," but accommodates his bad behavior. That is not in the best interest of your child. He abandoned your family and should be made to feel the brunt of his actions. It won't hurt your baby to be taken out to his place or to a restaurant or a park. It is in the baby's best interest for you to do the darkest Plan B possible.


Agree. Add that to your Plan B letter as an addendum. Did you read through the Plan B link I gave you?


It is always a good idea to protect yourself legally.

Listen, my father used to take me to bars, strip joints and the bookies and look how good I turned out?

just kidding!!

MelodyLane, You turned out great! I greatly appreciate your guidance and advice.

I read Plan B last night but need to review the info and draft a plan. Will come back for more advice!!!!

Hello all, I crashed down and had to see a Dr yesterday. Got some med, will get some rest to regain my strength, then I will get ready for plan B.

I will check back in a couple of days.
Thanks for your kind support!

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{MADISON}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Hang in there

Sorry you are going thru this. We are here for you! {{{madison}}}

Thanks for your kind words and support. I will see a lawyer next week to discuss financial protection.

Am still taking the med - I think it makes my mind and body numb.. but hope to feel better soon.

Thanks again. I will write more later on Plan B.

Hello all. I'm back and almost ready for Plan B.

Still working on the letter and details of child visitation and finances. Will see the lawyer tomorrow to make sure H will continue financial support for baby.

When should I send the letter? After visitation schedule and finances are all finalized?

Will post the letter for your input soon.

Thanks so much for your invaluable and kind support!

I'd suggest getting all of your ducks in a row (visitation, finances, etc.) before sending the letter.

You wouldn't want to accidentally leave something out and have to contact him to get it resolved.

Hello, I just met the lawyer. Legal separation is not recognized in my state so if H decides to cut financial contributions, nothing I can do. I have stable income and can support baby and me.

Regarding visitation, I will let H have baby 2 weekdays and 1 weekend day - pick up and drop off thru a friend.

Intermediary is my co-worker so I guess I'm ready for plan B.
I'm working on the letter.

Oh, I talked to H's close co-worker/friend about the affair. She couldn't believe it - she would approach H and try to talk to him...

Any further advice for me on finances and visitation?