Peach - since it was religious abuse by the OW in my life that brought me to MarriageBuilders in the first place, I know a thing or two about healing from it.

This woman has stolen your serenity today - she has held your heart and mind captive as any reasonable loving mother would be held captive at the thought of a threat against the protection she puts around her child.

But she must not steal your peace of mind tonight or your serenity tomorrow, for that she would have too much power in your life and too much relevance. Would you take seriously the finger-pointing rantings of a mad woman who you knew to not be a follower of Jesus by the fruits of her life? Would you walk past the psych unit of the hospital you work at, and take seriously any vile taunt or whistle from behind those secured doors?

That is the class of woman your XMIL is - insane, and vile. Pay her no more mind and no more credibility than those. Pray for her - she is in a very ugly place, not entirely of her choosing. She is as imprisoned by her choices as her son is. Her bars are just a little different looking than his are.

ITA. Many/most victims of childhood sexual abuse were harmed by people who were considered to be 'safe' and had no known history of abuse. You know for a fact that this man will harm a child. I don't care what gender that child is.

I agree.

That is how I feel too.

Today NC and silence and I feel almost like myself again. My dh and I are going to talk about this later tonight.

I went and rechecked my son's cell phone w/my dashboard on mine (it's family plan). I have made sure that the outlaws and their phone numbers are good and blocked as it refreshes that every 90 days.

I will not ever allow them to be around ds. We will discuss later tonight if we should do the ro or if we should wait. Law is 100 percent on our side no matter what and that does feel good. I called the police dept and asked what to do if a relative of your child was placed on the offender list? They said "well even if your child was not the victim, you should not let them around your child." I asked about grandparents' rights to the police dept, and they said "not an issue here". When I told them my ds' situation and the outlaws, and how they said that "it didn't apply b/c the girl pretended to be 18 and this does not affect your son" (vile justification i know from the outlaws) the police said "Well they should've thought that they'd not be allowed around anybody under 18 before he did that. And that is NOT a reason to allow a child around that man."

Happy. Very happy b/c I talked to the head of the precinct and he was 100 percent on board with what we'd all said and esp with what I'd decided. He said no court would ever force me to give the grandparents any visitation, esp with grandpa being offender!

My friend the attny called me and she told me furthemore, if my wxh tries to get custody, the first thing he's asked on the stand by any attorney is "do you have contact with your parents?" Are they good grandparents? (goal to get him to say yes)"Will you encourage a good relationship b/w your parents and your son?" If xwh said yes, then you come down on him in a heartbeat saying he'd allow a child around a convicted offender!

thus, my xwh will never ever get custody. And with his background alone, that is a far far stretch for even supervised. Right now if I am to allow my son to see him, it has to be 100 percent supervised and in my presence, and only if and when I deem visitation to be ok.

Yes! You go girl!

That must be a HUGE relief knowing that the law is on your side!

Thanks everybody. I kinda knew it was a no-brainer, but simply doing the act of calling and asking the police was what was needed. Talking to head of precinct really did help.

It just goes to show you, never believe the rantings of insane and intensely wayward individuals. Heads up nether regions. Rectocranial inversion victims.

That little oomph, combined with the kindness from you here, will help me have a bit less stress, and also have the energy to move forward with doing what I have to do that is right for my ds.

DH just texted me and sent an ILU. I am really blessed and it took many years to get to this point.

Sad part is many of us here, who have to go down the plan D route, will have to continually deal in one shape or form of another, the wayward. It's good to see what they can do and the crazy stuff that will persist so you can always be able to combat it and stop it before their insanity starts to affect you.

I guess fwiw, use my situation as an example.

Just because a freaked out wayward tells you the sky is purple, don't believe them and do not allow their rantings or requests to get to you.

I maintain a pretty much plan D/sort of B since the divorce from the xwh, but now will forever after this remain totally dark B and also to the outlaws too. I plan on NC.

Worth repeating.

Well PM, it took me quite a few years of dealing with a horrible xwh to finally "get it".

Still I felt the rush of the negative emotions when I had to briefly, even if it was for less than five minutes two days ago, the bizarre phone call from darth's parents (the outlaws).

You feel the nerves come to the surface, you feel the panic hit. But what is different, is you realize at some point shortly after, that they are just plain wrong and are idiots.

I am almost able now to dial down the "fight or flight" fear sensation I get when it comes to having yet another confrontation with them by realizing this.

Almost every time there has been an issue with either darth or his parents, I step back from the situation after a while, and reason falls around me (God, thank you!) and I see through the lies and the veiled threats knowing that they haven't a leg to stand on.

I just want to come to a day where there will NEVER ever be the feeling of dread or panic or the awful "fight or flight" type of feeling that has driven blood pressure of mine way up ever again.

That's a huge goal. He was so bad, that the only issue I have had to deal with regard to getting over the divorce was a small amount of ptsd (post traumatic stress disorder) because of all the fear he used to cause. And how I'd relive that fear or that pain and dread.

Peachy --

Its worth another call to your lawyer to find out about terminating his parental rights.
The last thing you need is for him to get out of jail and start pursuing visistation. Even if he can't get it, its still a hassle and would require you to lawyer-up to protect yourself.
Be pro-active here and just deal with it now while he is in the slammer, and distracted by his other legal battles...

How long is he in for? And it sounds like it might be extended?

wow you mean that it is not true???? Waywards lie???

Peachy, for starters I would recommend changing ALL your contact info, and talking to your supervisor to block them at work, too. None of those sick, unhealthy people need to be in C with you or your DS. Darth, outlaws, everybody. Kaput!

I would include even his half-sister in that, until both are 18. You have no way of knowing what has been done to her, and if (when) she was molested it made her far more likely to act out sexually with other children. Acting out what they don't understand, over and over, is how kids process things.

Though your son would not be likely to let her succeed, and would probably come tell you right away, it could open the door for accusations against him that could make your life even worse. C with an OC 1/2 sister is just not worth that risk, IMO.