All the more reason to show her evidence of the affair he was involved in if she wants to see it.

It is kind of weird that he stuck around for 3 years with no sex from OW. (although I am better there was sexual contact--just not IC)

Oh and you know he broke up with you and blocked you because he fears you will contact his wife.

And you're probably not the only girlfriend. He doesn't want the other OW to find out, either.

Have to agree with Reynolds. Just say it. It sucks, but there is no way to sugarcoat it or make it easy. Just say it and get it over with and let her know what happened.

Let her know it was an emotional affair (although it is physical if you've kissed him or done more).

I'm sure there has at least been some kissing.

So tell her, give her your contact info, DONT do it anonymously, and be honest.

If you do it anonymously you'll setup a situation he can easily deny. Don't give him that out.

Everyone has the right to decide what his or her life decisions will be, the OM's wife's choices have been taken away from her by her husband and you.........She is been lied to and disrespected she has the right to have a choice in what to do with that......It is her life and the life of her child..............Will you be able to sleep at night when you are out of the picture and she still has to deal with this man.....This is not fair...........as a woman you have to tell her and give her the right back to control her own future...........
By you telling her she will realize that there are still people out there willing to do the right thing even in the midst of a difficult situation.........She needs to believe all the good in the world in not gone..........The truth is always difficult and being accountable is tough but I for one am proud of the stand you are taking now......You need to do the work here to right the wrong..........
jessi

Agree with reynolds. You will be doing this woman a huge favor by doing it and by not putting it off.

sanity, have you told us what the plan is? When are you telling her?

Three choices

Do it and move on with your own life knowing she knows

Don't do it and move on with your life knowing the poor thing doesn't know.

Don't do it and restart the affair and be a OW into the future.

Think about your own future. What sort of person are you? What sort of person do you want to be? How do you want others to treat you if it ever happens to you? What would be the right thing for them to do?

Look, wh (waywards husbands) lie all the time.

My xh also lied to women he met too. After I'd left him (for cheating) my wedding portrait was inside the huge 3 car garage b/c I didn't want it and i'd just moved (with my child).

He brought a woman who was unmarried over to his house, pretended he forgot something after their date. As she was coming in from his car in the garage, she saw my picture and said "who is that? ARE YOU MARRIED?" My crazy xh told her no, he was NOT married (we were still of course) and that it was so sad. That he wasn't married anymore. She asked him and he told her that "his wife had an emotional breakdown and that I'd become emotionally paralyzed and because of my mental problems I'd had to be PLACED IN AN INSTITUTION."

Yea, he said that about me. She saw the toys and my xh had a story for that one too. He said he had become instead a full time dad to his son, and had to hire a live in nanny to watch him all the time, since I was in the nut house.
These cheaters are ALL ALIKE. When confronted, they'll lie and lie more.

Any ow to them is a conquest. Not special. Please make sure this is over and ended and do the poor woman a favor. She deserves to know what is happening in her life behind her back. She is being systematically lied to by her H and denied the ability to decide what she should do as a wife and mother.

btw, I found out about the woman and her "date" with my husband, b/c a friend of mine, a doctor, went out with the same girl and she told him the story and how she RAN OUT OF THE HOUSE when she realized that nothing sounded true. My friend the doctor, on his first date with her, told her that it was all a lie he'd told her (my then wh), and said that his "so called crazy x wife" was one of his friends, that I was completely sane and very nice, and that I'd instead left his sorry butt for cheating.

Well sure, but it's better than doing nothing. Just to plant the seed for the wife.

Actually, an anonymous exposure is really cruel. It just gives the poor BS enough to be suspicious but not enough to actually prove the affair. All the WS has to do is dismiss it and the BS has no defense. Better to know nothing than just know an easily dismissed unfounded tidbit.

you could probably come up with things to write that prove the affair, wihtout actually meeting the woman. look, she did start this relationship innocently, but if she does nothing now, it's a huge irresponsibility imo.

Anonymous exposure is worse than none at all. This gives the POSH the ability to denounce his exposer with no worries that the exposer will rebut him with evidence. And then he will know that he needs to be more careful in the future.

His wife will buy his story because she is loyal to him, not to a faceless stranger.

Nononono. This will NOT work. The POSH will sway his poor wife, and she will buy his story because it is in her best interests to do so! She is loyal to him.

Agree, MB. Anonymous = unfounded. It is a cowards way out. Better to step up to the plate with honor and integrity.

I might flatter myself by thinking this, but just maybe it was because of who I am and not just my body. Fact is I pictured my future with this man based on how we got along. And yes, over time I got the impression that had strong feelings for me (although now it shows I didn't know him all that well). For the longest part of these three years, no sex was involved.

To be clear, in the end it was a physical affair (though also emotional, is my believe), we just didn't go as far as intercourse yet. Maybe you have noticed, I'd like to know I will do the right thing before I act on it.

I will be available for her to ask any question she has at any time that she needs to know. I mean, my friends may call me at night if they need to, so may she. I'm an honest person. Have always been honest to him and will also be honest to her.

I know the company she works (or worked) for, but not the location. Because of the nature of her job, the location is subject to change.

Because of the nature of his work, he has no regular scedule. I just know he leaves quite early most days.

Vague outlines of my plan:
Going over to their house, hoping his car is not there, introducing myself and handing envelope with my contact information and a cd with some chatlogs on it. If she needs to see more, I will provide.

Hope to catch some sleep tonight. Need it bad, my grammar and spelling are suffering already

If it consoles you to feel this way, you have my permission to delude yourself further. You were just a piece of butt for him. He dropped you like a hot rock and ran home to his wife, didn't he.

Remember them with your next romantic partner. I'm not being mean. I'm doing you a favor.

Tired, cranky, deleted my post. Going to bed now.

Think about it, sanity. Turn the tables. Pretend you're the wife. I know she's an abstract thought for you, but in real life - she's not.

She has blood coursing through her veins. She wakes up in the morning, wondering what the day will bring. She makes coffee for herself and your boyfriend and makes sure to pour just the right amount of cream - he's so picky, but that's okay.

The kids stir and she goes to them to help them start the day, thankful for her little fellas - proof positive that there is a loving God.

She dresses and feeds them while your boyfriend gets ready for work. "Don't forget to pick up the milk on your way home tonight" she reminds him. He says he won't forget.

Can I mention that he hasn't thought about you AT ALL at this point? It's all about his family. He reminds his wife to let him know what the doc says about his baby's frequent ear aches. His wife silently sends up a prayer of thanks for her husband and his steadfast commitment to his family.

He leaves. Guess what - he still hasn't given you a moment's thought. He's mentally busy thinking about work.

You show up mentally around lunchtime because you text him. NOW he remembers. Or maybe he thinks to text you first while he's driving to meet someone for lunch. Those lunchtime drives are SOOOO boring, and he knows it isn't a good time to call his wife - she's feeding the kids, washing clothes and starting to get her ducks in a row for dinner. (She's a very good cook - your boyfriend worries about his waistline because of that.)

After that? Oops! He forgot you again! Unless the two of you are planning to meet. That gets a lot of attention, because he knows you will demand NOTHING of him and will give him want he wants. You think he's wonderful exactly as he is. (It helps that his wife ironed his shirt to perfection and picked out his cologne - you JUST LOVE her taste in male colognes! Yum! It smells SO GOOD on your guy!)

So you meet. You have this incredulous time together, with no oligations other than to build each other up. That's an easy job, friend. Say something pretty to me.

Then he leaves and goes back home. To his wife and kids. She's got a hot dinner ready for him. He's a little late because he had a 'meeting.' She's just anxious for him to get home.

After dinner, which he loves, by the way (did I mention she's a great cook?) they cuddle on the couch. Then she gives the kids a bath while he reads the paper. (did I mention he hasn't thought of you AT ALL since he left you?)

After the kids are in bed, they head upstairs together. They crawl into bed, both tired after their day. They murmur words of love to each other as he turns out the lights. They turn to each other and kiss. He pulls her closer and they make sweet, comfortable love.

They fall asleep, holding each other. As he starts to snore, she prays a silent prayer to God, thanking Him for this man beside her.

That man was your boyfriend. I thought you would want to know.