Bingo!

I'm worn out from all the fighting you two do. You two should immediately set up a phone consultation and get involved in no more LBs.

All this your spouse is abusive and go expose things to friends and family is not MB, it's posters with a personal agenda because of drama they have in their lives/marriages/ex-marriages. And all they're (kerala, Kirby, others) doing is fanning the flames.

Personally I think someone should have suggested (you or Hill) worked on the LB worksheets and gotten busy on defusing the anger instead of Survivor.

Don't wait on conversation initiation, it just makes things more tense and then add to the silent treatment which is a manipulation tactic.

GEEZ, were both working at trying to knock it off and I'm pretty sure you were an "A-HOLE" at some point and fixed it since your on these forums. And then someone helped you and gave you good advice. We both WANT to have a good marriage and we both going to WORK VERY HARD. There are bumps in the road. As for taking sides. I don't want any sides, just information to HELP ME

Here you go, grace. Did you read this or do this yet?

OK WORKSHEETS TONIGHT!!

And it wasn't meant to be a silent treatment. My mother does that to me all the time so I know how it feels and I hate it!!! It was hurt silence and trying to figure out how to get out of it and the ugly mood.

Great I will start reading

KT, you are right.

Grace, I apologize for my part in making things worse. My WXH WAS abusive and I'm too quick to call abuse when I don't have enough information to make a reasonable judgement. I'll step away from this thread now.

I'm sorry to ask this:

start with?
Five steps to romantic love workbook?

Suggestions

Have you read this: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8507_fft.html ?

Not to us, so much Tgrace. You guys are being horrible to each other.

You know it.

It's a strange spectrum, though. My problem was that I didn't state a case at all. I was a doormat to my wife for years, until I grew to hate my wife because of it. Sacrifice and silence isn't a good strategy either.

This thread is crazy right now!!! Please just try to post things you think I can read for now. I feel lots of negative energy and I'm want this in the right direction.

He said, she said
This situation, that situation
I'm done with it

Really if you are here then you understand I want to change things, lets just try to provide me with that today and I will read and implement it ASAP

Do the Love Buster Questionnaire, asap. You can print them from this site, although I do think they're in the workbook, as well. Linked under the Questionnaires tab at the top of page. Discuss this UNEMOTIONALLY, like you're finding out the specs on a work project by your manager. The person who is giving you the specs is the one who will grade your performance, and pay you accordingly, and you LOVE this job and want to keep it.

Any questions about what the Q is asking, or what falls under a certain category, can be answered in the LB book or here under the basic concepts tab. Ask for help! We're here!

grace, the last article I linked you to is maybe 250 words, a five-minute reading. I figured you had time for that. If you don't, hie thee over to the LBQ, because that is what's critical for you today. You both. You want to ask Hill to do it, or shall I?

Ok, I want to additionally back ML here;

It may be a good idea for you two to step back from the forums for a bit.

Let's not post conflicts any further.

This post is going on both of your threads.

Shopping list;

1 - 3 Ring Binder
1 - 3 Hole punch
2 - Highlighters

Make sure your printer has ink and paper.

Print the suggested articles, and read them separately, highlighter in hand. As you read through, highlight the portions you feel relevant to your marriage, and make marginal rotations.

After each of you have read the article and made your marks and notations, go over them together.

Then file the completed articles in your binder.

Your binder should also include;

The Policy of Undivided Attention Read it as the other articles, and sign off on it.

The Policy of Radical Honesty Again, read it, highlight and notate, each sign off. Include the sections on Emotional Honesty, Historical Honesty, Current Honesty, and Future Honesty.

The Policy of Joint Agreement(PoJA). Same as the other two policies.

Work no more than 1-2 articles, concepts, or policies per day, and follow it with pleasant UA time.

You might also include the article for each Emotional Need and each Love Buster.

You can do your emotional need and love buster questionnaires, and file them in your "marriage binder" as well.

Set an increment of time after which you will review or redo the questionnaires.

For instance, do them today, then again in one month, then three months after that.

As you eliminate Love Busters and meet each others Emotional Needs, you will see the answers on them evolve, and the order of importance of those needs may shift.

In the case of my FWW and I, when we first completed them in August 2010, SF was #3. It is no longer even in my top 5. Do note, however, that SF is one of the 4 intimate emotional needs to be met during UA time - which also includes Affection, Conversation, and Recreational Companionship.

Your posts from that point should begin to address how to integrate the concepts, and how to use those concepts to address conflicts.

Time to get to work!

AHHHH !!!

I feel better. I will start right away and this afternoon. learned some lessons this morning. Thanks all and bye for now.

t, I think the barbeque is an awesome idea, not an either-or. You guys will make time for UA too, but there's also 15 hours FC time (family commitment) and going to a barbeque where folks will want to hold the baby, and you can have fun with the other kids and each other. It sounds like a nice respite. I can imagine you guys are usually gentler to one another around other folks, not so much conversations about the same detail over and over, I'm guessing, am I close? And you may even meet some potential babysitters

Awesome job getting them refocused!!

Without being a love buster, can someone please tell me how to ask my husband or give pointers on how to get him to stop making these faces at me:

The stew face, your a crazy woman face, etc ...

They are incredibly frustrating

For now I simply just told him these faces make me feel stupid, get me angry, and that I have to pull his feelings out. I think it would be different if he actually gave me these faces and said something but he almost always doesn't.

First, be able to describe them a little better than you have here. Not to us, to him. Describing the intention you read behind it is a DJ. However, you can tell him that he has an annoying habit of scowling, frowning, rolling his eyes, raising his eyebrows, etc...something physical that he can learn to control.

It should be covered on the LBQ. Just answer the questions on the LBQ and let those speak for you.