Thank you for your advice. I am going to my sister-in-laws house today for Easter.She is my WH sister. His family is like my family and I adore them and they are supporting me. He wasn't even invited to Easter dinner.

I am still not sure but I will try to find out what is going on but right now I have no idea how I will do that.

Please keep giving me advice. I need it so badly today. I miss him terribly.

You've already posted the correct answer;


Ask your counselor to help you get Plan B in order and find an intermediary that will help you avoid all the drama.

Read about Plan B and follow the directions!

A half/assed Plan B will have half/assed results!

Sweet,

I am in Plan B and it is very dark. I have to say it was so difficult to let go of my WH. I have four small children and I couldn't believe he would just leave us for another woman so easily. My husband not only used his deployment to have an affair and then leave us, but now (while stilled deployed) is selling our homes, and throwing away his entire life.

It is very difficult to let go of him because (actually tomorrow) will be 14 years married. Now that I am in Plan B I am beginning to see why he is not good for me and/or our family.

I am finally beginning to see how my low self esteem contributed to the break down of our marriage. We didn't fulfill each others EN's for a long time.

I tried everything to save this marriage. I realized how I failed at meeting his EN's for so many years, and all I wanted was a second chance to prove to him I was willing to do whatever it takes. He was already gone and nothing I did in Plan A made him want to come back.

Today I have to let him go for my own sanity. It is so difficult, because I know our marriage could be great. My husband doesn't want to meet my EN's and I deserve a man that wants to meet my ENs.

I have accepted today we will likely divorce, and I will likely move on with another. It is a really sad reality.

My WH is looking at OW and everything else to fill his needs. I know I still can fill many of his needs if he would only give me a chance.

Today he is deep in the fog and refused to own this affair and the subsequent consequences that are now following. Maybe when he loses everything (including his job or career) it will wake him to come home to me and his four babies.

Take care of you because each moment your children are watching you. How you handle this situation is how they will handle like situations as they age. I know I do not want my four babies ever engulfed by infidelity. My WH's family is full of it, and all the chaos that follows.

Look at yourself and decide what lessons you want your children to learn. Standing up and loving yourself will demonstrate to your babies what they will seek in their spouse later on in life. Love yourself and let your children see you as their shining armour.

Yes you love your WH. I know at one time he was likely an amazing man, but today he stands without honor, integrity, and commitment. Those three traits are what define the man from the boys. I know you want nothing more than to spend your life with a man, and you want to show your children what a real man is like.

Your WH, like my WH is acting like an 18 year old frat boy. They don't get far in life, and they end up taking down with them everything good. Choose what is good and even if that means you must spend the rest of your life in Plan B so be it if is will allow you to be healthy.

I'm so tired of the games. H says he doesn't want to do the drop off at his parents and that I am sending the wrong message to our children by shuffeling them around.

Another reason I need to go Plan B.

I just wrote him this text after going back and forth.

Do you not understand that everything you say and do is causing me pain? you don't ever hear me or even try. Its always what you want to hear. I'm good enough to have sex with a couple of nights but not good enough for anything else. You are someone i don't recognize. you can say you are sorry but you have no idea how badly you have hurt me and how cruel you are being. I'm trying to get better and do what I have to for the kids and seeing you hurts me. I'm not doing it to make you mad. You are not the loyal, compassionate, family man, considerate, would do anything for anyone matt. If you come to resmemble that man again then we can talk. the kids will be at your parents at 5:15. I can't see you anymore or talk to you . Please email or text natalie if you need to tell me something or for arrangements for the kids. You don't treat me with any respect. I am the mother of your children and have been your wife through all kinds of crap and I get treated like something disposable.I'm tired of being stomped on!

good job, I am proud of you.......
jessi

Sounds like went into a Plan B with that text, good for you. I'd follow up with a mailed letter detailing the requirements for you to stay in the marriage. And I would definitely allude to his past and likely present adultery. Post a draft here, you can get some good input on it.

A big plus here is that you've got your family and his to support you and the kids financially.

I'd ask your attorney if there's some type of emergency support hearing that you could get since he's out squandering money and you're risking foreclosure. You also need some type of assurance that he doesn't pull you and the kids from his health insurance--assuming you are on his policy?

So, if you're in a Plan B, then change your email address, your cell phone number, house number and the locks on your doors.

I would call before they close, an attny's office and tell them you need an asap emergency hearing for your home is about to be foreclosed upon and your wh is FUNDING AN ADULTEROUS AFFAIR with FAMILY MONIES and is not providing support to you or the kids as he should.

I would carefully get together the last years' worth of bank account information and show his paychedk amounts in the bank, and how much your living expenses are (itemize it out).

You need to get thee to a laywer YESTERDAY! Trust me, the ow will drain your family monies dry b/c they AREN'T HERS. it is how it goes. I ought to know, the xow/affairage wifey partially wiped my xwh out.

A wayward WILL NOT BE FAIR TO YOU in any way or shape at all ok? They can't. Lying is part of their genetic makeup (when they're morphed into wayward) and you cannot trust a liar. They will even cheat their own children out of child support. Know about that one too!

Use some of the examples later tonight, from this site, and write the formal plan B letter and have it delivered certified mail. It's time. He has to know you're business right now.

If he is using even one measely cent of your family money to finance his adultery, THEN IT'S ONE CENT TOO MUCH! Has to stop. Put your foot down now!

Do as Northwoods said, change locks, cmail, cell anything you have to right now! You are going to go into a very dark plan B. WH has to learn that if he ABANDONS the family and marriage HE WILL HAVE TO PAY. Make it damn expensive too. And have the attorney take his/her charges OUT of what WH will have to pay. So that makes the wayward pay more $.

When he figures out that you aren't going to go to work to get two jobs to make ends meet and that he cant' get away scott free without taking care of his financial obligations he will begin to see some of the light.

When people are in wayward mode, it is as thought the inner "taker" has become like the green incredible hulk, taking over their life and personality slamming anything in their way if it dare gets in the way of whatever they want, at that particular second, of any particular day. A wayward is indeed, a monster.

Your job is to try to coax Dr. Jekyll to come back home and to get him to do that is to have that wayward CRASH. I mean he has to see the proverbial writing on the wall. He has to see that SS IS sweet, but will never surrender! That you will stand up to him, and that he just can't get away with abandoning his family.

Please take care of this asap. Your sweet babies depend on this! Plus you need to immediately secure FULL CUSTODY due to the fact they were ABANDONED by their father.

See? No more Ms. Nice Gal. It's time to show him the result of HIS OWN ACTIONS. Do not let him know in the plan B letter this is coming btw.

Time to slam the hammer of justice down girl. Without funds, sometimes the affair seems to lose its' appeal. Especially since you are also going to find a reason to get this new attorney to DEPOSE THE OTHER WOMAN and drag her nasty a@s into court, to testify WHERE YOUR FAMILY MONIES are going and what your husband and daddy to these kids has been doing! (and that would be the skank ho as what he's been doin').

Time for reality to bite the affairees right back. In the end it is a huge help to him. He will one day thank you, if he is lucky enought to ever get you back.

Hardball. It is time.

I just feel like all is lost right now. I fee like my H is lost forever. I have been through this twice before but this time seems different in that I don't think he cares at all about anything. I know he loves the kids but everything is just so messed up.

I love him and I want to be the tough chick. I need to put my foot down. Can anyone help me like personally?

I still have no proof about an affair but am working on it. Until then though I feel lost.

I can't go over and personally help you, but what if I told you I went down a far more difficult path? I went thru this and more. In a state far from where my friends and family resided.

You can whine about NOT knowing it is an affair, but we all know it and the signs are there staring you in the face, then you CHOOSE to do nothing.

How exactly are you working on finding out if there is an affair? That was priority one (which was a tie beside making sure I had child support and a place to stay secured). Are you hiring a PI?

Here's the facts. He's not living at home. He moved out. Said and is doing the same things he did THE LAST TWO TIMES he had an affair. In fact, my money is betting it's the same affair partner from last summer. That it never ended.

Your wh is playing russian roulette with your marriage and isn't being a good father or husband right now and you're worried about if there is an affair. YES there probably is one, and if it were me, I'd ask my family and closest friends to give me $ to secure a PI to find out that proof and also for a lawyer.

What you should focus on:
1)getting lawyer and emergency hearing
2)PI-securing one to find out who the skank is
3)sending and writing a plan B letter sent certified mail, so you know HE gets it, not the ow.

Being proactive is good. Sitting back and not doing much at all will get you what you got last time or worse. He's pushing the boundaries further THIS time, because you didn't do much the last two times and he didn't see any reason why he shouldn't carry on an affair. There was no exposure. There wasn't any serious fallout on his side for his having two affairs.

However, in your plan B letter, do not say how he is hurting you, or how you're sad, etc., b/c begging and pleading is not attractive. I always say that to men and women here. He needs to see strong, wonderful, loving mom who is in charge!

Plan B is great, b/c it will help you with the emotional issues and get stronger.

His head's just wedged a little tighter up his rectum this time around, that's all. It's in the same place as before, geographically speaking, so you know how to deal with this, ok?

As for personally helping, well, I don't think there's a directory giving who lives where.

Get yourself to an attorney tomorrow if you didn't make it by today. Peachy is right, your husband is likely going to drain all of your money. He's an alien now, not your husband. The sooner you remember that you're dealing with an alien, and not your husband, the better you'll be.

Like Peachy suggested, see if your folks will fund a PI. You need this information now.

My own sister had to help me with getting an attorney as my xh refused to pay for anything at all for several months, SS.

I got one, and also got an attorney who worked for a reduced fee b/c they would get paid also from my xh, but it was an awesome attorney, and they knew my xh had the $ to pay them. I simply paid a lessened retainer fee SS.

The time is now to strike. He thinks SS is going to behave just like she did the last 2 affairs. Not now. He thinks she'll cry and beg him and whine, but what instead he will get is a strong, beautiful, amazing mother who is going to bat for her kids!!!

You can do it!

Thank you! i just need pep talks sometimes. I will call around and get PI fees. Anyone know what the average rate for one is?

I will not take what he has done to me this time. He needs to wake up and look at the reality that is around him.

He doesn't get what he is doing or what he has done. He needs to see the consequences like you said.

And your right the more i realize something has taken over his body and he is not my husband the better I will be.

THANK YOU!

Please read up on plan B. And the ramifications for the WS.

Here's what you do when you get the attny:
1)have attny get emergency hearing
2)bring all your documents regarding amount of money to run household
3)tell attny you wish to subpoena ow to testify in the emergency hearing as SHE is the reason he is not at home, and get her to testify he's spending family $ on her.
4)file for SOLE CUSTODY of kids in temporary separation order. After all, WS abandoned the family, his wife, and his home. This is important!

The WS MUST FEEL THE PAIN and full effect of the plan B as well as with exposure. Please just call around and get a PI. have you tried any other means of finding out who she is? Where is your wh staying at night?