I guess it helped me understand that my DD does have her faults but that does not entitle her H to cheat on her.
Also the stories other people shared showed me the "behind the scene" reality of an A.
In am not sure of this, but I suspect that if my ex son in law were to go and live with his AP...the relationship would not be so blissful and they would surely start having problems.
They do not share the reality of everyday life and their fantasy world is kept alive for longer.
Well, so is life. thank you again.

That the exSonInLaw and OW don't live together speaks volumes when I read it.

They can't live together. OW takes care of her mom and her mom does not want my ex son in law living in the house. I think he goes and visits and for lunch but from what I know he is not welcome to move in...

Well it must s*ck that they can't live together, as at least the ow's mom has enough guts, albeit she is ill, to say she doesn't want to be directly involved in the ghastly sin of adultery.

give it time. Even if they don't move in, they are doomed to have a "relationship" which is going to end. Why? Simple. The foundation of that "relationship" is nothing more than lies, betrayal, and shame. Not what you'd exactly build a future on. They need a little more "reality" if you ask me. So help that out, Swans!

Is there a way for me to do that? I would if there is!
I know my DD would not talk to him or want anything to do with him. But you think she could actually influence the A in a way that it would speed up its end?!
Or could I do it and not let DD know?

Well, any information that makes its way to the OW about how wonderful your DD is doing helps crack that affair fantasy.

Any indications that your DD is doing better without the anchor of the WH

that she lost weight
looks good
started a new career
got a promotion
went back to college
is dating a great guy


anything like that is nice to throw into the affair relationship


anything that gets WH talking about his ex-wife helps

any reminder of the ex-wife, that puts her in a good light



just little bombs that go off every now and then


makes life harder for OW




also, any time the OW even thinks that the ex wife and ex hubby are talking will throw a little bomb into affair land


doesn't matter what they talk about


if your DD event texts her ex to say that she is sending an envelope of mail that arrived for him - anything innocent

drives OW crazy




SB

ok, I see, I have actually told my DD's ex in laws how sad my DD is about the D and how much I think she misses him.
Wrong wrong I guess, shouldn't have said that.....
From now on I will tell them all good things and how good she is doing.
However, shouldn't my DD continue to be on plan B even if she is D? If she starts sending him messages (phone, email, FB..) she would no longer be on plan B.
Wouldn't plan B give her the best chance at recovery (even if recovery is probably impossible at this point)?
thank you

Swan,

Why would you possibly want your DD to go back to a man who cheated on her and is infertile knowing full well how much she wants a child? She�s probably young enough to actually meet a man who could give her a child, so why go back to a cheater who can�t?

I�m a big supporter of saving marriages with children in the equation. But if there are no kids I tell the BS to bail, count their blessings they have no kids, learn from the experience, and not look back.

My wife was cheated on by her last husband. She wanted kids, he didn�t. She found out he was cheating on her in an emotional affair and she dropped him like a hot potato and doesn�t regret getting him out of her life.

Your DD is lucky to have him out. Your DD can meet someone else who can give her the child she wants.

You should not only cutoff all contact with his family, you should encourage your DD to move on and never look back.

I also strongly disagree with your statement that an affair is just a love story between two people. It�s not for all the reasons told. I could share my own story, but you�ve already been barraged and the point has been made. Affairs are based on lies.

The best you could do for your daughter is talk about how lucky she is to have the scumbag out of her life. She has an opportunity to meet someone new and better.

YES...

Amen! Your DD needs to lose this loser and move onto something better. There are so many decent, normal men out there that there is no reason to settle for such a bum. She has no kids. Move on! Create a happy productive life. Some women hang onto these bad, sick relationships and ruin their lives. Encourage her to get out and use some common sense in the direction of her life.

Hear hear!

I agree with both of them too!

That is why, I guess Swans, I have wondered what you were hoping to accomplish coming here.

Seriously it is in her best interest to create a new life for herself with somebody who can make her happy and give her the love she deserves. Her xwh basically screwed that up and it doesn't sound as if he is a viable nor intelligent option for her.

That's the down part of affairs for the waywards. You see, at some point I think almost every ws comes back or makes some attempt at trying to reconcile. Depending on how long they had their affair, how much pain they put their ws through, and other variables like that, there are imho quite a large number of x spouses/waywards out there who try to come back to their betrayed spouse, only to find out that they want NOTHING to do with them.

I fell into that category btw! I trusted God that He would create a more beautiful and whole, and meaningful life for me in this case, after my divorce. and HE did!

On board with the rest of them.. So Swans.. there ya go..

Yes, that is what I needed to hear!!!
There was something wrong with wanting to hope for him to come back.
For what? he is sterile and cheats.
Actually one has to hope he does not come back and want to patch things up with DD..she might even take him back.
I should do everything to discourage this.
I think you are right, it is time to cut ties with his family and show my DD that by doing so I am encouraging her to move on onto greener pastures.
thank you!