She should also permit:
keylogging/screenshots of her computer
complete notifications from Facebook of everything done (all posts, all responses, practically everything FB will let you notify for)

Honestly, it would be best not to have it at all.

Can you monitor Facebook from work?

And I agree. The rule is to do nothing without enthusiastic consent. When I find out my wife isn't enthusiastic about something (like, say, being on Facebook), I quit doing it.

It is easy to unblock someone, view their page, and then block them again.

This is why, if he allows Facebook, he needs to have a means of verifying that she makes no attempt at contact.

I suggest blocking facebook completely from every home computer. Eliminate the temptation and possible trigger altogether.

Thanks for all of your input once again. I have no problem with people smacking me up alongside the head! ------ I was really clueless about the EP containing mental precautions as well as physical. That was news to me and I will take an active role in making sure that exists from here on out! --------- I spoke again to Steve this morning about the facebook issue and he says his approach is less radical for specific reasons "surgery" is what he used-take out what is needed and monitor from there on out. I have trust in him and listen to him very carefully so I'm not going to say all of you are wrong because I know you are not.-------I'm just going to listen to the man who has been working with us for 4 months. NO disrespect to you all!!!!

Steve suggests some things differently than his father, Dr. Harley. I know 100% that Dr. H would say that FB has to go if it is causing you any stress, discomfort or resentment AT ALL.

At the very least tell Steve you are resentful about this and that it is keeping you triggered. This is NOT healthy for recovery ~ I did this in my own recovery and it screwed us waaaaaay up and kept us in a vicious cycle for much longer than was necessary.

Also ~ I would not tolerate for even one more millisecond listeing to your W moan about missing OM. That is disrespectful beyond belief that she would be talking to you about this. Talking about it is NOT helping your recovery, it's keeping you mired in the muck.

You need to tell her to knock it off the next time she starts this. It's too painful for you and it's keeping her triggered. Tell her this isn't helping your M to keep bringing a 3rd party/interloper into your conversations. Tell her you would much rather discuss ways to make your M better and more romantic.

What exactly did you tell Steve? Did you tell him your W is having more thoughts about OM now than she did before and that you are suspicious that FB is triggering her?

I am surprised at what Steve told you because he was VERY accomodating to me when my H was writing out his EPs. He wanted me to give my input to my H and wanted me to be comfortable...

SQ,

I just asked him why his approach was a lot less severe than those that have been posting on my thread.
My ww and the POSOM never communicated via facebook it was that she looked up his profile a month ago and I found out about it. I realize that a more proactive approach must take place and I am going to bring up the keylogger idea to her-if she wants to keep facebook for her business then she better make me feel secure in doing so.

Did you say this to him?

A trail is left. If you unblock someone, they cannot be blocked again for 48 hours.

So, if they unblock, there is a 2 day window to verify the unblocking.

SQ

Yes, I did. That is why I had an emergency meeting with him

I urge you to email Dr. Harley about this. I can almost guarantee his answer is going to be different than Steve's and this is HIS program.

You don't even have to mention that you have counseled with SH, just tell him what you told us ~ that she looked him up via FB and you are now uncomfortable with it, what should be done? I would also add how it's triggered both of you and set you back to day 1 in recovery and that emotionally it's taken a toll on you both.

Send your email to Joyce at jharley@marriagebuilders.com. They will answer you on the air or in an email or maybe both. You could have this drafted and sent in 5 minutes.

Have come to a conclusion tonight that facebook and changing her phone number and getting the guy out of her head really doesn't matter! She has not shown me any radical changes but has fought me tooth and nail. She has been triggered by looking at him at facebook and him texting her and has sent us back! I have been on a damn roller coaster for so damn long that I don't even know the name of the ride any more! I do love this woman and I have shown her nothing but love and patience and all I get is trickle truthed, kicked in the junk, and told time and time again that she doesn't love me and that we never had it but she has affection for some cat that she has been with twice!
She told me today that f-=--- mb has done nothing for her and for me to never ask her to post again. Hearing the truth really hurts sometimes I guess!

People this ain't my first rodeo with this kind of sh== and I am not going to be a doormat again! Radical change better occur cause my patience is a thin as paper!

My guess the reason why she is still infatuated with him, is refusing sex, etc is because she is in contact with OM. She might have a separate FB account now that you don't know about. Its very serious. You should install the keylogger immediately.

A true NC will be killing the withdrawal, not making it worse with every day. Its worse because its being fanned from contact.

Is she aware that commitment to a plan of recovery is one of your requirements?

I believe it's time that you restate your requirements for recovery, and if these actions continue, then proceed to the next step.

Remember to continue to Plan A in the meantime.

Just for the record, I never said that the withdrawal was worse, I said that I still think about the OM. Also, nothing was ever said about refusing sex, I said that it was uncomfortable for both of us.

Well I guess since my ww has posted on my thread I probably should reply! Am glad to see that she decided to post again because after last night she had me pretty convinced that she was through with it!

Ok-maybe she didn't come out and say that the withdrawal was worse but if you look back in her thread she states after the first week of NC "it was easy has hell" now she tells me that she thinks about him A LOT! To me that means it has gotten worse!!!! And for refusing sex--I don't try to have sex with her-haven't in a long, long, time--got sick of being shot down!!! And for that reason it is uncomfortable for us!

IS,

I suspect your WW said she was done with MB because she doesn't want to give up FB. She just about had a tantrum on her thread about that.

I strongly recommend you get rid of it and see if the fog fades. My guess is that it does!

SQ

I know some have suggested a keylogger-I am for that! If it will hold her accountable!