No matter the outcome of your marriage, YOU WILL BE OK !
YOU CAN THRIVE

Got that?

Have you read Scotland's thread?
She's a very good example of how a BW can dig deep, and eventually overcome the sadness to find her strengths.
Scotty has used her marriage tragedy to improve her own self.
That way, IF her WH returns to the marriage, Scotty is already new & improved.

Take ahold of the rudder of your boat and steer to the sunny shoreline.
This storm does not have to sink YOU.

Well, i'm in the dumps. Had talk with H last night. I found out yesterday and Asked H why he took $$$ out of account last week. He told me he wasn't going to tell me. He is going overseas on business next week. i think he bought the ow a plane ticket to go with him.

Unfortunately, we have R conversation. I told him how much his behavoirs were hurting me. he told me he was sorry that he didn't want to hurt me. I said we probably need to sell the house since he would be relocating without me--it is expensive to run. He asked, why would i move without you, i might as well move out now? I looked at him like, yea. Then, it seems everything turned sour. Like the thought is planted now.

I've been in constant anxiety since then. I go to sleep and wake up feeling adreniline rush. i'm still taking meds, and am trying to detach myself. I weeped a little to him this am and said i didn't want to lose him. I am so stupid.

He told DD right before our conversation that, "things are probably going to get worse before they get better." She told me this this morning.

I am so sad, I don't know if i planted the moving out thought or if he has actually been planning it anyway. I feel so messed up. If there's a poster child for "not" doing the correct MB. It's me.

chg

New Update. My H went to overseas last week. He was sweet last weekend to me. The first two days away, he sent me txt saying he loved and missed me. The 3rd day, it was more of "how are things" txt and by the 4th day, it seemed more like a "goodbye" txt.

When he got back in the country today, he called me and said that he was not coming home and that he was getting an apartment. I asked him why, he said it was just what he needed to do. I asked him other stuff and he said he hadn't thought that far ahead.

I told him that it was not what I wanted, but that I would pack up all his stuff and asked him where to put it. He sounded sad. I asked him a few things about his girlfriend. He still wouldn't admit her, but didn't deny it either. He said he, "didn't want to go there."

We sat sometimes, for a minute at a time not saying anything. Finally he said he was going to go. Then, I told him that even though it was not what I wanted, I wanted him to be happy and I wished him the very best. Then I said goodbye and hungup. I didn't not cry.

I never was really able to expose the affair, but I did mention all the knowledge I had and that they all added up to that. After I got off the phone, I called everyone to let them know that he has a girlfriend and that he is leaving.

I'm not sure what else to do at this time. I don't know if I did the right thing. I am a bit numb and sad. I've cried a bit. He actually called one of our friends and asked them to look in on me and told them that I would need thier support. My friend said he sounded like he had been crying.

I wish I could understand all of this. I wonder what is going to happen next. I don't know what to do now. I know I don't want to see or talk to him. I guess I'm on Plan B now, rather I like it or not. Any thoughts, anyone?

SG,

I am sorry! But, you need to cry for 15 minutes, and then get ahold of yourself, sister. I know, easy said, hard to do. So now, you DO.

1st quaestion: what do you mean that you were never ABLE to expose??? What??? Let's start there.

I know the feeling. I've not been able to fully expose my WW's affair either. I don't know who the OM is, just that he exists. I, too, just exposed what I knew which everyone seems to have just brushed under the rug. Nothing more I can do.

Try to stay strong. Lord knows I'm trying to do the best I can in that category, too. Just know that we're here for you.

Surfer88. I had evidence of his A, but nothing concrete. Little things, like his refusal to show txt messages, lying about plane tickets, saying he was one place, when he was not. I have no idea who the OW is. I just know she exists. He was great at keeping it all secure.

Anyway, I never really got to a plan A. I've been a mess for several months, and did so much wrong, but stayed strong a lot, and feel that there were many times I did show strength, and love. In fact, one of the last conversations with him before he left, I asked him if there was no hope for us. He said that, if I'd asked him that 6 months ago, he would have said no, but now he thinks there may be. But, his head is full of fog and the ow has a great hold on him. Plus, he thinks I was a cold non-loving wife and he is afraid that I will return to being that way once I have him.

He has never admitted the ow, but recently has not denied it either. Anyway, So he called me when he got back to the country and said he wasn't coming home. Just like that, said he was going to get an apartment--although I think he already got it a week earlier.

I was upset, but in the end, I told him that this was not what I wanted, but that if he felt it would make him happy, I wished him the very best. I was nice, and didn't get upset and then I said goodbye.

That was last Saturday. He has sent me two texts and an email saying good morning to me. I have not responded to any of them. What is bugging me, is that he pushed me into Plan B and I didn't write the loving letter or anything and I don't have an IM. I don't know if the letter is even necessary right now, but am wondering if I am doing the right things.

I can say that I DO feel tons better and even though it hurts, I find that I am able to think much clearer. My brain doesn't seem so fogged up. Anyway, I feel that I have handled myself so badly and have done so many wrong things becuase I have let my emotions rule. That was such a mistake, but unfortunatley, for me, part of my learning process. I do feel SOOO much stronger these days.

Thoughts??

Bump