strugglin~

I'm here reading along - thank you for posting - I hope you will continue. I'm really glad you are here -- as mad as this place may make you at times, I really know it's the right place for you to be right now.

I don't have a lot to say today -- I'm pretty tired out from the weekend right now, but I did want to let you know that I'm still around.

Mrs. W

P.S. wulffpack girl -- you are one of my faves around here -- and your current signature line? Love it -- I had that in my signature for a long time.

t/j thank you, Mrs. W - I've got a huge amount of respect for you and Mr. W...you guys are a real inspiration to folks on the boards! end t/j

hey, struggling, you are in good hands here! And PS - I had my own share of angry and defensive moments on the boards, but folks confront here because they care. Here you get the kind of support for marriage that is so often lacking IRL.

strugglin~

I once told you how being here helping others helped me tremendously in early recovery. Particularly, adding anything that I could to the threads of BHs trying to bust up affairs or those in very early recovery dealing with wives in withdrawal. I know that this place helped me very much when it came to getting my mind off OM -- helping me instead to focus on marriage -- what do you think about trying that for yourself?

If you are isolating that is not a good thing -- that won't help you get out of the pit -- reach out -- I have a very close friend who is a recovering alcoholic -- sober now for 8 years now I think it is -- She tells me "You have to give it away in order to keep it" -- There is a lot of wisdom in that.

What do you think?

Mrs. W

P.S. Thank you WPG!

Just thought I would let everyone know that she will probably no longer look or post here. You can probably change this thread name from "Almost lost an amazing man" to "Just Lost an amazing man".

SAD, SAD, SAD,

I greatly appreciate all the help you people tried doing for her-in the end she just wanted to following her feelings-not her head!!

Now we know, as many of us suspected, WHY you could not get the OM out of your head.

Your A never ended. You are cruel beyond words to do this to your H. I have been through a FR. Nothing could have been worse. The emotional abuse you have just heaped on your H is indescribable.

Go back and read WPG's thread. You are headed for the same nightmare she has heaped upon herself if you don't pull your head out, and fast.

Can't believe you would do this to your two innocent little girls, struggling ....

Don't dare tell yourself that they'll ever be able to forgive you for destroying their world.

Those little girls are counting on you to protect them from growing up in a divorced home. They do not deserve this.

You are their mother...protect them from this, strugglin. Realize the the OM does not care one bit about them and never will. You and your H can build an incredibly happy life for your family ~ but you need to do the right thing.

strugglin, you are making a Life Altering Decision, here. Is this really what you are choosing for yourself and your family?

Or will you actually have a little pride in yourself cut ties with loser boy? Because once your BH is gone, he's gone. Once your family is destroyed the puzzle pieces will not be put back together. You're not going to be able to un-ring this bell. You understand that, right?

...and struggling, if you don't think you'll be living a nightmare, you're wrong. While it is true that we WS's can't always repair the damage we created, we can try. You're not even trying.

Your BH was WILLING to reconcile and you are tossing him aside for a piece of garbage. That makes me sick. I would sell my soul for the chance that you just threw away for nothing.

So you think you'll have no problems tucking your daughters in at night, hearing them pray to God every single night to bring their Daddy home? Knowing that YOU are the reason that they hurt?

Welcome to my nightmare, struggling. You're too fogged to realize it yet, but one of these days you will.

WARNING: inflammatory post ahead!!

You know, people assume this wayward wife will de-fog. But what if she doesn't? Hm, strugglingaz? I wonder what that would look like, a wayward wife who destroys her nuclear family in favor of a cheap streetwalker's activities. (Although, to be honest, the streetwalker is just doing her job, so what does that make a wayward wife?)

So if she never de-fogs, and if she's responsible for raising kids, especially daughters, I wonder what she will teach them. Probably that it's okay to scr3w around, (literally). That it's okay to create problems and run away from them. That no such thing as honor or integrity exists. And morals? What are those??

She'll teach them amazing things about self-deception. And probably a lot about an inability to accept the consequences of one's actions, and a remarkable inability to apologize and make right.

She'll teach them it's okay to run around. Her daughters will grow up being "those girls," the ones everyone jokes about and the guys know ALL about. And they'll blame their mom. And hate their mom.

And can you imagine what they'll say if they do manage to grow up with their heads on straight, and then they finally realize just what their mother did to their lives? How will they feel about having such a selfish, selfish, and utterly amoral person for a mother?

I wonder if they would turn to the woman strugglingaz's betrayed husband is sure to find -- a woman worthy of him and his love in every way, a woman who will benefit a thousand-fold from InnerStrength's hard work and learning here at MB. A woman who will be the mom strugglingaz should've been - and failed to be, because she followed her teenage hormone-driven feeeeeelings to another man's cheap, filthy bed...

...and destroyed her kids' lives and herself in the process.

I wonder what that would look like?

***

I thought we would see the alternative, where strugglingaz became the woman who redeemed herself; the woman who recovered a marriage, who created an even better marriage with her betrayed husband; the woman who modeled honor and integrity and humility for her daughters, and who taught them the value of commitment. The woman who helped show those girls what marriage can be, even after a monumental mistake.

Because a mistake is one thing. But now you know, strugglingaz. And when you know better, you do better. So do better. Now's a great time to start.

What are you going to do, Strugglin?

You know, when my wayward mother got a divorce, she told everybody that her children would be all right because she would get them counseling, and that if you just got kids counseling everything would be just fine.

It wasn't.

We wound up with really screwed up relationships with our mother. I eventually just ended mine; I haven't seen her much at all in the last couple of decades.

Plus I missed out on a lot of the growing up I was supposed to be doing back then. Turns out kids whose parents divorce are more prone to fighting and conflict and other issues. I'm learning a lot of things now that I apparently should have been learning from the intact marriage of my parents.

And it's just damned lonely, you know? I ought to be taking my six beautiful children to see their grandmother, but they will never know her.

There are two things that need to be in every relationship: logic and passion. If only logic is there, it is actually fairly easy to create the passion if you just follow the right rules. Dr. Harley has helped make it happen for thousands of couples. But if the logic is not there, if there is only the passion ... you'll never make the relationship logical or fix the problems with it.

Well I can tell you all the story of my former best friend. She was a smart, beautiful, well educated woman. She was married to a stable, smart, nice looking and well educated man. They had two adorable little boys.

She's now had about 4 affairs -- maybe more, I've lost count. Her BH tried very hard to reconcile -- was willing to forgive her and build the best marriage imaginable. But no...she was convinced that her problems were because of HIM...Never seeing that she was miserable no matter how many times she changed the characters in her life -- never getting that the common denominator in her misery was HER VERY OWN SELF.

I haven't spoken to her in years and she knows exactly why -- and she was my best friend since childhood -- we were 8 & 10 years old when we met. I still think of her and mourn the loss of who she once was.

She married her last affair partner. She affaired way down -- this "man" has no education -- he works as a bartender and from what we are told drinks heavily -- my former best friend holds a Master's Degree. This is not the type of person she would ever have been attracted to before. They live in a shack of a house -- so different than what she was used to -- so different from how she was raised.

Just this week I found out that her affair husband was arrested in Feb of this year for Domestic Battery. It's tragic. Currently there is an injunction [filed by BXH] preventing affair husband from being around the children. Apparently though, my former friend intends to stay with "loser boy" who is taking anger management classes -- when those are finished the affairage partners intend to file for the injunction to be lifted. I pray that it's not -- I pray they violate the injunction and BXH is granted sole custody. I pray for the safety of those little ones, because I know that their best interests are not being considered at all by my former best friend. She destroyed their family and the destruction continues, and I'm sure she doesn't see any of that...

Think things will be different for you, strugglin? Think again. WAKE UP, stugglin!!!!

Mrs. W

Seems she is gone and just wanted validation for her misguided emotions. Her BH posted here and said as much.

Strugglin, I hope you have a change of heart and are willing to learn how to handle your emotions, but that is for your H and childrens sake primarily as far as I am concerned. Then again I would like to see marriages recovered for selfish reasons also, wanting a better world to live in.

We are not God or can we force you to see where your heading, but the consequences of your actions will anyway you can count on that. Many here have reached out to you and for your sake, and thats all we can do.

If and when you wake up we will be glad to show you the truth if you come back but be a big girl and take the 2x4s huh? Its the grown up thing to do dear.

A woman like her can't stand to stay away from the drama. No, she's still here, lurking in the shadows, not wanting us to know that she's listening in.

FWIW - My WW seems to be headed down a similiar path. Her choice of jobs, lack of stability, etc. all sound very familiar. My WW is also driven by her emotions; they will betray her eventually. She'll also find out who her true friends are and which male friends just want to get into her pants. Then there are the friends that are 'users.' We'll see how they show up and manifest themselves. She'll get older and the dating won't be as easy, etc, etc.

The hardest part for me is letting go of her and make her own mistakes.

Yeah Prisca hoping we will crack and feel sorry for her? I agree but I had to say it anyways. Just like if I was talking to anybody who was screwing up.

Its that Wayturd mindset that so convienietly runs away. Just want to spare her the righteous guy that I am.

Maybe your own words will open your eyes to what you are doing?