I am just wondering who there are of us who had affairs that lasted over a year??? I guess this is a statistic thing?<P>Questions.<BR>1. betrayed or betrayer?<BR>2. length of affair?<BR>3. Where did you/they meet the OP?<BR>4. How old was the betrayer?<BR>5. Discovery date?<BR>6. Current status?<P>I'll start...<P>1.Betrayed<P>2.Husband had affair for 18 months to 20 months. (I think 2 years to 3 even if it was only the beginning stages)<P>3.The affair started at work. She was/is a co-worker.<P>4.Husband had just turned 40 when it started heavy.<P>5.Discovered February 21, 1999 by an anonymous phone call from an "Angel" of mercy.<P>6.In recovery although husband through hard part of with drawal he is "In Love" with other woman. Trying to regain that "In Love" feeling with me. Doesn't know why he can't?

1. Betrayed<BR>2. 1 year +<BR>3. She worked at a cart in the mall. He was a construction worker, working about 8 feet away.<BR>4. She is 37, he is 41<BR>5. Christmas day<BR>6. She is living/working with wankboy. Don't know where they are.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html</A><p>[This message has been edited by Chris (CA123) (edited October 28, 1999).]

I'll answer.<BR>1.)Betrayed<BR>2.)Since early 99...ongoing<BR>3.)She met om on the internet<BR>4.)w is 40, Om is 31<BR>5.)August 1999<BR>6.)She still contacts the om daily (he lives in another country)via the internet. She is in withdrawal with ME! I'm a Plan A devotee.

I love this kind of thing! OK -<P>Status: Betrayed<P>Length of affair: Going on three years now (I think).<P>Where/how met: If the OM is who I think it is, W and OM met through professional contact and knew each other even before W and I met. Don't know for sure and don't know for sure when affair started.<P>Discovery date: I suspected almost from the get-go from the way W was acting. (Amazed I married her anyway.) Confirmed it with really solid evidence about 1 year ago. Actually saw her with OM several months ago in his car.<P>Age: W in her forties. Don't know how old OM is.<P>Current status: A few weeks ago I finally confronted W with fact that I'd seen her in car with OM. She denied that she was having an affair and called me delusional. We brought this up at couples counseling and she denied it there too, said she wanted to leave marriage but didn't. Don't think she will leave FOR the OM because don't think he wants that. Still don't know OM's ID for certain (have a "short list" of suspects & I'm pretty confident he's on there). Finding that out and also catching them together so she can't deny it any more is my current focus.<BR>--Wex<BR>

I'll reply:<P>1. Betrayed<BR>2. Coming up for around 18 months<BR>3. Son's friend's mother<BR>4. 36<BR>5. September '98<BR>6. H in apartment by himself, still trying to figure out what he wants<P>

1. betrayed<BR>2. length? first of 8 lasted about 2 years.<BR>3. Where did they meet the OP? She knew him from high school. When she went home to visit her mother and grandparents for the summer. <BR>4. How old was the betrayer? 29 at start 30 when it became physical<BR>5. Discovery date? sometime in Feb 94<BR>6. Current status? She is having an emotional affair (don't think it has gone physical). This is #8 in nearly 6 years.<P><BR>------------------<BR>God Bless,<BR>Rob<P><BR><p>[This message has been edited by professorg (edited October 28, 1999).]

1. Betrayed<BR>2. 5 years<BR>3. Internet<BR>4. 24<BR>5. 2/97<BR>6. H and OW together<P>Boken and confused is my state right now <P>cozy

1. Betrayed<BR>2. Ongoing - as for how long before <I>I</I> found out: H says "I don't know." Slug says "almost 4 years." I believe Slug is closest to the truth, although I'm thinking it's not that close to 4 years just yet.<BR>3. In a bar, I think.<BR>4. Just turned 30 if it is almost 4 years.<BR>5. September 14, 1998<BR>6. Affair is ongoing, I am in Plan A and nearly to Plan B... (no comments from the peanut gallery, please...)<P>------------------<BR>terri<BR>No, I'm not a Marriage Counselor,<BR>But I did sleep at a <BR>Holiday Inn Express last night...<BR>

1.Betrayed<BR>2.Wife met OM in Sep 98.<BR>3.Wife was a student; OM is an instructor. She pursued him.<BR>4.Wife is 41; OM is ~50.<BR>5.Discovered February 99<BR>6.Wife ended affair in July 99 after serious confrontation. Recovery was going nicely for 3 months until wife reinitiated contact in Sep 99 to be "just friends". She is now in an emotional affair with OM. She is lieing again about emails, phone conversations, and lunch dates. Of course I'm the bad guy for invading her privacy, not giving her space, and for not allowing her to have friends on her own. Don't think anything is physical again. But she can't/won't let go. She is definitely content with the way things are; I on the other hand struggle with my sanity on a daily basis. I continue to mourn the loss of what we had together. Still can't believe I'm living in this mess. Sorry to ramble - bad day.<P>SHA<P>------------------<BR>There is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved. <P><BR><p>[This message has been edited by Sir Hurts Alot (edited October 28, 1999).]

1. Betrayed.<P>2. 2.5 years.<P>3. They met at a pizza place. Both had the same times for lunch.<P>4. W 29, OM 37, ME 39.<P>5. March 13, 1999.<P>6. Separated. I started divorce proceedings. 90 day cooling off period up in January 2000. She lives with parents, is still involved with OM, but affair seems to be fizzling out.<P>Wishing us all the Best <P>Medic

This post reminds me of the old Groucho Marx joke. "I don't want to be the member of any club that would have me for a member". Anyway, here are my answers:<P>1. betrayed or betrayer?<BR>Betrayed<P>2. length of affair?<BR>Don't know for sure, but based on husband's behavior, probably started around August 1998. That makes it 15 months so far.<P>3. Where did you/they meet the OP?<BR>At work, the worst place of all for affairs. Husband loves his job too. He will never leave it, no matter what.<P>4. How old was the betrayer?<BR>39 1/2 then, now 40. By his actions, I would say he's nearly 14 in emotional maturity years. Nah, that's too high. My 7 year old son is a much better communicator and much more honest.<P>5. Discovery date?<BR>I suspected for months, but finally forced a confession out of him on December 5, 1998. He had lied to my direct questions four times previous to then.<P>6. Current status?<BR>"Round and round she goes. Where she stops, no one knows." Well, maybe the OW has some idea. I don't think husband is capable of ending it.<P>Anyone have any topics for posts that are more depressing than this one?

Distressed,<P>I am so sorry that this is so depressing. I was sure hoping that a long term affair would have someone in the status question, happy and recovered.<P><P>------------------<BR>God bless you and all of us.<P>Samantha<BR>

1)Betrayed<BR>2)2 years..started Oct 97<BR>3)Husbands secretary<BR>4)Bimbo is 27, H is 46, I am 44<BR>5)D-day-Jan 30 1999. I knew something was up as H was bizarre in his behaviour to me and kids. Had been talking to him about this since March 1998, but he told me that he was behaving the same as always!!! <BR>6)Separated and in the process of divorce.<BR>H is with OW

OK,I'll play:<P> 1.Betrayed<BR> 2.Since summer of'98<BR> 3.Met at work-typical office affair<BR> 4.W is 43,trophy-boyfriend is 31<BR> 5.In August'98<BR> 6.Living together in another town-we don't talk.Working on divorce. --Murph

1. betrayed or betrayer?<BR>My W has betrayed me<P>2. length of affair?<BR>#1 - 7/98 - 2/99<BR>#2 - 4/99 -??<BR>#3 - 8/99 -?<P>3. Where did you/they meet the OP?<BR>#1 & 2 - work<BR>#3 - internet<P>4. How old was the betrayer?<BR>#1 & #3 don't know, #2 = 36, W is 42<P>5. Discovery date?<BR>suspected something wrong for months<BR>had call from a work colleague of hers 4/99<BR>affair #1 had ended, #2 ended, but I suspect it may be going again, and #3 -- well she just saw him this past weekend -- half way across the country<P>6. Current status?<BR>in counseling. I am not optimistic for a quick resolve. Working on Plan A, leaning towards plan B<P>This stinks!<P>Peter<P>

Sam,<P>I wasn't going to post until I saw your comment to Distressed that you thought for sure there would be some "recovered and happy" in the current status category:<P>1. Betrayed<BR>2. length of affair--1 year<BR>3. they met on the internet<BR>4. betrayer had just turned 45--OW 42--ME 43<BR>5. Two discovery dates Sept. 98 I found letters & pics from OW--H claimed they were just good friends.<BR>March 99 I find hard evidence affair was sexual.<BR>6. Current Status: Separated in Sept. 98; upon discovery in March 99 H said affair had been over for a couple of weeks--asked for another chance; after much individual and family therapy (still ongoing) H moves back home Sept. 99.<P>We are 7 months into recovery and love each other very much--WE ARE HAPPY <P>Don't give up 15 minutes before the miracle happens.

<BR>1. betrayed<BR>2. 1 year this month, ongoing<BR>3. internet personal ad<BR>4. almost 49, OW ~47<BR>5. April 11, 1999<BR>6. H left Feb. 22, 1999, he filed April 13, living with OW.

Sherrilynn,<P>Thank God you posted and you had an encouraging reply. <P>It doesn't look to good for those of us right now that spouses had long term affair. I sure hope some of the betrayers are going to post too?<P><P>------------------<BR>God bless you and all of us.<P>Samantha<BR>

Okay here goes<BR>1. Betrayed<BR>2. 13 months<BR>3. at work they were partners custodians<BR>4. 48 when started will be 50 in Dec. I'm 48 now. I think she is 34 or 36<BR>5. March 18, 1999 Will never forget that date.<BR>6. He left July 30, 1999 to live with OW Have not talked to him since Aug. 23 but I'm in plan A send notes and other things. But I'm not sure he gets any thing. Plan on finding out soon.<P>------------------<BR>di<P>

Chris, Dzrt, Wex, Loveu, Prof, Cozy, Teri, SHA, Medic, Distressed, Will, Murphy, Peter, Nellie, SDS, Sherrilynn;<P>Thanks for responding. I didn't know how depressing this thread would be. <P>Hopefully there will be some positive responses too.<P>Sense husband and I are working on recovery I feel very lucky and blessed. I'll be praying for all of you.