Cookie,
Please take a look at the number of posts MelodyLane and some of the others have...look how long they have been on this site. She knows what she is talking about and has not only been through it but has the track record to prove it...a recovered marriage. That speaks for itself. These people KNOW what they are talking about and want to help you. Please don't bury your head in the sand, it is a recipe for disaster. I know the thought of a job loss in these times is scary.

My XH dumped me for OW and quit his job and went into hiding, taking thousands of dollars out of the bank that we didn't have. He stuck me with $50,000 of HIS bills from his business. Don't you think that wasn't costly! With the market drop and that hit, I am upsidedown and I still lost my marriage! At least if the two of you get a fresh start somewhere it will be the BOTH of you working on it, not just you by yourself like I am.

Listen to these folks, divorce is not only much more costly than a loss of a job, but way more painful than what it takes to recover a marriage.

Your husband has already been sneaking around behind your back (hence the deleted texts)...the only way you can know what is going on is to be savvy enough to check things out. You cannot tell him ahead of time or he will just go deeper underground. They can be very good at getting an extra cell phone for the calls, etc. PLEASE listen to us. We care about you enough to not want you to go through what we have.

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Cookie, I went to counseling and spent a lot of money. While it was helpful to me, I found much more help on this forum (and reading books by Dr. H.) Excellent advice and support from many people who have been where you are.

From a WS perspective, please don't underestimate the power of the "fog" your H is experiencing. He may very well want to lose his feelings for the OW because of his love for you, but more than likely, he will be drawn to her while they are still in contact. This is a very dangerous situation.

He may have an additional cell phone for communication with her and hidden emails (sub-accounts). It's very possible he will go further underground, using lies and making up excuses.

I want you to save your marriage.