shes getting alot of support from her coworkers. (i should mention she works in a large grocery store)

from what ive heard a lot of people think what i did was a low blow, or just vengeful. theyre undeducated though, and im sure if they were in my shoes, theyd do the same..

the support i think is from the fall out. not for the affair itself. my wife is well liked where she works. the only fear i have is if the affair itself is dicounted because people view as what i did as worse...

as well, im finding out that he is not liked very much at all.

she went to the store manager to talk to him. later the OM went to the store manager but he was on the phone, so i dont know if he got a shot at damage control..

well see what happens after theOMW gets to him, and the next day, because itll also come out ive been in contact with her, which will make my wife mad or more insecure,

she has a thing as it is about the OMW. insecure about their relationship and that he may always go back to her (not likely from what i gather)

now factor our arrangement and itll be interesting how tha turns out..

if im lucky a little jealousy sneaks in and thatll bring her out even more, also funny is that the OMW isnt my type at all and ant hold a candle to my wife...but hey whatever it takes...

Did you expose the affair at the headquarter level?

I was able to go to his district supervisor and his divison HR director. talked to the latter on the phone.

First of all WAY TO GO ELPH! You did great. Everything is just great so far.

Now here is one thing you need to do to PROTECT yourself. One snippet you said about your ww was...she wanted to leave the home b/c she felt SCARED.

Now this is something we hear ALOT at MB from ww who want to consider divorce. One nasty trick up their sleeves is to portray their betrayed husband (the one they wronged) as ABUSIVE. They can claim whatever and the goal of that is to do one thing or two..1)GET YOU OUT OF THE HOUSE AND A COURT ORDER AND RESTRAINING ORDER TO DO SO and 2)get the OM into the house.

Esp useful if both are waywards and are in the act of betraying their spouses. How CONVENIENT it would be for OM to suddenly have a pad to crash at..YOURS! And the easiest way for him to leave his bw is for your ww to claim you're ABUSIVE and get a court to toss you out of your own home and then have a restraining order put on you. Don't be surprised if they haven't schemed things like this together, sadly.

SO WHAT DO YOU DO ABOUT THAT? Easy again. Always have a ready to go var (voice activated recorder) in your pocket at all times. You should also put one near where a phone is in the room your ww sleeps in. Maybe taped under something near her phone.

This has played out time again, the FAKE ABUSE CHARGES and I don't want you to go down this path ever. Be proactive. You're doing a fabulous job and I just want you to watch your back further.

When a ww or om or ow or wh is cornered, their truth of the affair is out, they are and become DESPERATE and will resort to the lowest of low tactics to try to get their way.

Just play safe right now. Do this until she is committing to recovery and out of the fog.

i appreciate the advice...

i think she meant scared about the future and what my next move is/her move is...

this i heard from my MIL.

the OM has already left his wife and got a place with his brother half a block away from his parents. i dont know what the lease is, but his brothers on disability, and with the parents so close it makes dealing with the kids easier.

so i dont see him moving in anytime soon.

my wife i think while only in her early 30s is going through a bit of a midlife crisis.
the reality is weve been together since her junior year. she lived with her mom through college, then we got a place together. we broke up for 11 months, in which time she moved in with a coworker and a few friends....interestingly enough they ended up dating, found out he was an abusive [censored], we sent him to jail, she realized breaking up was a mistake, i grew up a bit and later we got married.

shes never had a place or life of her own. i think part of her wants that experiance and growth... at least thats what shes been saying..it also, while makes some sense, sounds like fog talk. i would assume the moving out is similar to sue's story. so she can do what she wants...or in my wifes case also make it look like we separated, and then the OM and her can just happen to "find" each other through similar life circimstances, so nobody at work would be none the wiser...


but now everybody at work is wiser.

i dont know where the affair stands at this point.

i couldve killed it. they may go quiet till things calm down.
i just dont know. and part of me doesnt care.

that is to say. i gave her the letter that said so long as they were in a relationship, i wouldnt be her best friend (of course i know were married and such but in her mind, were done but can be best friends) so i havent talked to her in the past two days.

im focusing on myself and my son. making my self better and more attractive, just in case.

im not treating my wife badly, and never will. but i told her im a father and her roommate. to give her a sense of what shes losing....we only talk about house stuff and kid stuff...i dont ask her how her day is going, no idle chit chat.

i guess its a modified plan A/ 180...

and next week ill get the paper work ready for legal separation to go if necsasary. playing it by ear right now.


but ill still keep the VAR and GPS idea also ready to go...shes still using her bugged phone too, although she knows its bugged so alot of good thatll dome, but since it happened at work and everybody is aware, lunch breaks and stuff should be rather difficult...

Dang, Peachy, you just know how to lay it out there. Great post!

Dang.

The OMW dropped the ball at their counseling session.
The whole thing was about the kids. So she didn't get an opportunity.

Well whatever, she loses momentum. It's not like they're together anyway


I hit the workplace and that was the mist important to me.

I don't know when she's gonna tell em. And I have no reason to talk to the douche.

Rule of thumb. If u want something done right. Do it your self.

If you know where his brother lives or have contact details send him an exposure note, parents often are to embarressed to tell anyone, the brother may not ever know. While you hit the workplace and mother he has a circle of friends outside work that are untouched, if he is on Facebook close that gap, you have to make it uncomfortable wherever he goes.

Have you told her your son is staying with you? Set this scene soon so there is no doubt you are fighting against her affair, the legal separation must include a proviso that your son is not to be anywhere near the OM , don't let your lawyer tell you otherwise he works for you and that clause is often inserted.

Btw you telling her she is a roommate is in her favour that is what she wants use the word wayward , WS don't like that term however I do suggest you run an incredible plan A , she must see the best of you at all times , you may not reap anything now it will affect her later.

If she contacts him again , pack her bags , you have said the law will not allow you to kick her out, for her to stop you means she has to go legal thus more exposure. Secure your finances many a WS have taken the family savings and run. While she stays with you she pays half the bills, the less money she has to spend the less she has to conduct her affair.

He doesnt have a facebook account and I'm under the impression that the wife has the computer.

As fir the child thing. Him not leaving the home has been established.

The brother lives with him. And his circles is tiny. Like only his family small.
I havent said I'm a roommate. Just given the impression. But your right plan a my [censored] off

"Well gee willikers, the ship is sinking but I didn't get an opportunity to bring it up because I was talking about the peeling paint in the girls bathroom.."

Its clear to me she doesn't care about saving her marriage and it wouldn't matter anyway if she did tell him she knew.

Pretty much. It only helps her when it comes to getting what she wNts in the divorce.

Whatever. I think itll cause him more stress. I want him uncomfortable as possible but work is where it matters most. And that's going down pretty good.
If/when HR begins their investigation, that'll turn up the heat and he'll becoome a coward and throw my wife under the bus and save himself. So mt wife gettingsome support from her supervisor and boss is crucial in her staying at the store and him getting transferred. Hopefully.

How would it help her? No, it doesn't. She would have MORE leverage if she did tell him. BUT, she wouldn't likely be GETTING a divorce if she would do something to save her marriage. See, the ship doesn't sink if you actually DO SOMETHING to stop it. And telling her H she knows about the affair has absolutely BUTKUS to do with any divorce settlement in the first place. How in the world would that help her get what she wants in a divorce? That makes no sense whatsoever.


Let me just tell you something about that. Your wife's "career" is ruined. She will never be promoted and will be viewed as a loose cannon at work. Any person who is so unprofessional as to have an affair with a coworker is untrustworthy and is a walking legal liability. I have been a vendor to the grocery culture for 20 years and I can assure you she is being talked about and has ruined any future with this company. If she has any sense, she will get out of this business ENTIRELY. And I don't mean go to another grocery chain, either. Word of her affair will have spread across the grocery culture via the truck drivers and the vendors.

Having worked grocery for 10 years previously, I can tell you that Mel is spot-on.

Especially the "walking legal liability."

And, yes, her reputation will echo through the industry, likely FOR YEARS.

I was hearing about adulterous grocery workers from 10-20 years before I worked in the store I did, and also heard THE SAME STORIES from my Step Father, who is an armored car driver.

Grocery stores are HUGE gossip mills.

Does she know that (omw) a plan is available? It is. But I'd just hand her a MB book and not bring her to the site.

Mel, in reality, the counselor could have STEERED the convo to whatever way they want to go. I say that omw should be "nudged" by Elph to have another session where she goes over this whole BETRAYAL and it gets the attention it deserves.

The one troublesome spot here Elph is the fact she hasn't lived on her own. Fwiw, my mom is a wayward spouse (we found out after my dad passed) and she married the guy (her old hs bf) last year (without telling HER OWN CHILDREN and this guy only wanted her $, not to be a grandpa or anything as we don't know him.) She blamed her parents for years (only reconciling with them barely making it there, on their death beds as they died last year and she was estranged from them for over a decade due to her being wayward), and HAVING KIDS, and everything on her past life. She blamed my dad and her parents for not let her "live her life".

My mom never moved out. She never got a job great enough to support herself on. She never paid a bill by herself. And she feels she never got a choice in who to date, etc, as my dad was the only guy my grandparents approved of (they were wise).

Your ww is acting like a rebellious teenager Elph, like my mom did and STILL IS. You BETTER BE CARRYING AROUND YOU AND PLANTED IN MANY AREAS AROUND THE HOUSE AND IN HER CAR THAT VOICE ACTIVATED REC OK?

They will stop at nothing when they're like this. You see Elph, the WORLD OWES THEM HAPPINESS AND they think they are owed this alt lifestyle. They feel wooooo is me! I had to become a mom, and I had to have kids, and I had to date that guy for soooo long I missed out on meeeeee!

That is the whole ww who married their college sweetheart thing. Am an expert courtesy of my crazy mother. Trust me they are EVIL when they are in this mode, an extreme taker mode. It got so bad, that when my grandparents died, the om (now my stepdad whom I have ZERO contact with and never will and my sister and I are 100% in solidarity on this)convinced my mom to take my grandpa (one who was last to pass) and check him out of the hospital against medical advice (ama) and drive to a nearby town where there was an attorney who didn't know either my sis or I. We were alerted b/c she tried one in our hometown, the attny knew us and said she was CRAZY and it was ILLEGAL to do what she did. So during her drive to the next attorney who was about 40 miles away (she couldn't be bothered with having another attny who knew her own children and disagreed with her) with a man (her own father) in stage 5 kidney failure who had just lost his wife, spewing hate and evil things saying that my sister and I were going to put him in a nursing home all the way, found a vile attorney who agreed to get him, at the very last weeks of his life, to change his will.

My own mother stole the inheritance away from my sister and I as she had been LEFT OUT OF HER OWN PARENTS' will because of her wayward behavior. It was well known the $ was for my sons' college education and my sis' kids' college educations. It was over 300k. My own wayward mother stole 300k from us after she married her other man. CARRY THAT VAR and PLANT ONE in her car and around the house. Were it not for the good attorney who knows my sis and I, we would have never found out about our mothers' own evil plan.

so how do you combat that? Easy. You move her out very soon into a teeny little cubicle of an apartment. You let her live her life give her the Plan B letter when you're ready and can't take enough, and you hand her her share of the bills! Let her see that it is JUST A FANTASY. I think that will snap her back.

And also, for good measure, play for her when you drop her off at the new place, a bit of some of her evil affair talk (for when she calls the om) and let her know your state (I believe TX is) a FAULT STATE and that you're going to file for sep papers under the ground of ADULTERY.

That's what you do. She needs a very very hard dose of reality very soon if she does not willingly end the affair.

Btw, this whole midlifecrisis ww thing is also applicable to a midlife wh thing too. They feel the same.

Also a ws in THAT mode, will have the taker out of control. As it stands, my own mother owes me (after my dad died) over 7,000 dollars and my sister about 10,000. I gave her my own credit card and let her have it to help with "household expenses" after my dad died. So did my sister.

The woman never paid us back. NOT EVEN when I WAS GOING THROUGH MY DIVORCE and all the ugly financial devastation with my evil xwh, Darth. She never tried to ever pay back one penny to me. Btw, my crazy xwh caused so much financial devastation it wasn't funny. So nail that one down. (my xwh was a ceo and began hiding money all over the world and giving it to HIS PARENTS).

Elph, she's not who she was right now. So extreme measures have to happen to PROTECT YOU and to also end this crazy affair. In the state she is in right now, she'd run over you if she could just to have the life her way all her way all the time right now. You have to show them the alternative.

As for the grocery thing. My wife has peaked there. She's content with her position and never had plans to move up. Yes her rep is ruined in alot of ways. But that's not my concern. To the ppl she associates on a regular basis she's safe and supported. But I can't worry about that.

As for the other stuff. I'll be taking measures to protect my self. But my wife isn't evill. At some point she may move out on her own. But she may not. Reality as it is has smacked her in the face. And she's had a lot to chew on lately.

California is a no fault state so there's that

As for the omw. I don't k ow what she's doing really. They have another appt. In 2 weeks so well see. I've done all I can do. Whatever she does she does. If she tells. That benefits me. If she doesn't well that doesn't help her. I think she's gonna use the info to avoid court because he's a wimp. Me I'd just do as much damage as possible


Right now it's all play by ear. She's staying out with her mom this weekend so I'm sure alot of talking will be had.

You should let her know that she should expect to be managed out in the near future. On "performance," of course. She might be "supported" by some loser coworkers but I ASSURE you that her district manager will be looking for ways to get her out. She is a legal liability and an embarrassment to them. They will be watching her like a hawk so they can get rid of her.

And the bad thing about being fired in the grocery industry is that she won't be able to hide it. It will follow her FOREVER. FOREVER. And hiring managers don't want to hire cheaters. They are unprofessional and can't be trusted. <-----tell your wife all this!!

As far as the OMW not telling her H, if I were you, I would text that sorry SOB and tell him yourself. There is no reason you can't do that. Just because his wife is a wimp doesn't mean you have to go along with her silliness.

It is amazing how fast news spreads in this industry and how it sticks for years and years. I know of a Revlon rep who stole a camera from K-Mart back in 1992 when I worked for a major tobacco company. She was barred from K-Mart, fired from her job and she is STILL KNOWN TODAY as the "Revlon rep who stole a camera from K-Mart" in the vendor/groc/retail world. What does she do for a living? She is a pizza delivery person!!

Curious.

I noticed she didn't wear her wedding ring to work today. Anybody have experience with this after exposure. Like maybe the mind set? Still part of the fog. Or possibly what it could mean down the road.

Saw that and it kind hit me hard.

They do that when they are angry. My spouse did the same thing when she got angry at me. She will put it on when she is ready.

Remember, you cannot control the actions of others, only your own actions. Try to to have no expectations, you will feel better and she will notice this in a positive way.