May I ask why you have considered it? I would definitely put a VAR in his car. I would hide one in the bedroom too.

I'm sorry to say, but I was thinking the exact same thing. The fact that he quickly IM'd when you showed up unannounced and then met a man for dinner made me curious. It could be that man you met with him. All he had to do is IM my W is coming with me. After my DH doing the dumb things he did when he was having an A, I am a skeptic and have little faith in ppl. I believe cheaters are capable of anything.

notleaving,

Time to take action. At least he is trying to "hide it" versus the "I am not Happy speech" when they want to leave.

PIs are so much less expensive than a D and the wreckage it will take on your family. It will be money well spent.

All indicators are an A.

candles?
Bed made up differently?
Picture in the drawer??
Not taking you there?
Cell phone texting??

My XH had a company phone and when the opportunity arose I registered it online, they send the password to the cellphone when I had it and discovered who XH was having the affair with 250+ phone calls to his direct report.

Get a PI from the area the condo is in? It should only take a day or 2 to unravel who the OP is.

Blessings.

Well, I got the "I'm not happy" from H last night.

When I asked him where he thought we'd be when all this strife btwn us is over, he replied "I don't know, I just want everyone to be happy". Every question I asked H, he's relpy would be "I don't know" or "I'm not sure". I asked H what we can we do to make things better from this point forward, his reply "I'm not sure"!

In this same conversation he pointed out what he described as my "core behaviors" and said to me those behaviors "upset, confuse and make me wonder about myself(husband)"!

notleaving,
Get a PI today. This A needs to be exposed as soon as possible...to work, your family, to OP family. He is trying to hide this and it needs to be exposed to the light for the filth that it is.

Amazing how waywards point the finger to the BS to explain what they did wrong...waywards are dumb

Also stop all relationship talk. If he gets too suspious then he will go deeper into hiding. Be silent and Plan A.

Get a PI and then tell XH that you are coming to go with him to the condo in 2 weekends. Since that weekend is now booked with you -- you know that he will be with OP the weekend before to be together. That is when you have PI follow. It will save time and money.

Blessings.

He's doing the spin and blame.

What I'd do is be sweet to him. Agree w/him (then secretly secure the PI). Schedule a "vacation to get away" or something, so you can seem to be away from home for a while maybe because you're sad about what he said, etc or you need to visit a relative.

MAKE HIM LET HIS GUARD DOWN SO THE PI CAN CATCH HIM. You don't really go away. You just make him think you are. My PI told me if the ws thinks you're out of town, they act as if THEY ARE FREE TO CARRY ON THE AFFAIR ANYWHERE THEY PLEASE and the information they would get that way would astound you.

I did it. My xwh apparently was somebody who was careful to try to cheat in secret. NOT when he thought I went out of town to see my sister. He ended up having the OW meet him at his office. They together (all on video) drove to a fancy dinner where his BUSINESS PARTNER (also married and a cheater) met them and they wined and dined. Then you see wh and ow walk out hand in hand and all on video. Then to a hotel. Followed them down the hall at the hotel (on video) and saw them go in.

Then next morning got film of them leaving together. I had the mother load.

Of course it is gut wrenching to see it, but once you CONFRONT THE EVIL for what it is, it is easy from that moment forward to fight the affair.

They also got him the next night (I hired them a second night after the first, but I got all the info i needed in about 8 hours)taking the ow INTO MY HOME.

Yep. Into my home.

So get a PI if you can. And you have to let them get their guard down before you do it. You need a recent photo of your wh. His color, year, model and make of car and his license plate. Approx height and weight. Address of places he frequents including his work, and if you know it, name and address and any info you can get on the ow including where she works too.

TJ said elsewhere....(sorry notleaving)!

Peachy, your stories are priceless. So comical in truth and in WW stupidity and in sadness and then in triumph then in pay-it-forward fashion. I, for one, appreciate you so much out here in the cloud. Bless you heart.

The end. Notleaving, my heart breaks for you, but you are in THE best hands here at MB! This can be turned around!

Update to my situation!

I've hired a private investigator, and he's on the job. I went back to our condo complex on the DL earlier this week, and observed WH slinking out of our condo at 10:31 p.m., talking on cell, smile on his face, walking with a destination in mind you could tell, somewhere in the complex. All of this just after he'd got through telling me on the phone that he was "tired, I think I'm going to shut everything down for the night, and go to bed"! When he hit the sidewalk walking he sure didn't look tired to me. Now I'm praying the PI will get the goods!

Prepare yourself for the worst.
The PI will get the goods, and they will be bad.

how are you doing?

I'm feeling very heavy with sadness on how my life, and that of my family has changed, and how much more drastic it will change when this all comes to an end!

The P.I. has been on the job for 2 nights now, with no results. That leaves me feeling like he may not "get the goods".

WH was suppose to come home on Wednesday. Wednesday rolled around, WH says he can't get there b/c of work issues. But, he says I will come home Thurs. NOT. I do feel he will tomorrow (Fri), only because of the Father"s Day wkend. He told me last night that "I lost the desire for sexual intimacy for you a VERY long time ago". Wow! Nice!

Have you heard anything yet?

SB

No SB, I haven't, and I'm fearful that the PI won't get the goods before the money runs out. Meanwhile, things get worse everyday, and I just want this over!

What is the PI saying, exactly? No info, or no "goods"?

What I meant was, (no clarify), did the PI tell you what H is doing, and nothing suspect? Or, has PI given you NOTHING?

Sorry that he said that crappy SF comment to you, also. Fog-babble. Know that.

nl,

Just so you know how stupid waywards can be, my husband told me during his affair that he really didn't believe he ever needed or wanted sex again.


This, while he was having sex in my own house as often as he could arrange it with the OW.

Waywards LIE. Everything he says to you will be a lie. Do not listen to what he says, because he is doing everything he can right now to fulfill his own selfish wants. Beyond that, he does not care about anything, including consequences that will ultimately hit him in the face. Right now, he believes he is invicible.

That tune will change, because he will pay the price when the affair is exposed. Suddenly, then, this very "special" thing he has going on will be something different to him. He will deny it, he will lie about it, and then finally admit it, and do all sorts of stupid stuff in between. Count on that.

For now, though, do not believe a word that comes out of his mouth. That is hard to do, but you have to try.

notleaving- you ok?