shaddup, NG!!! I am the picture of RESTRAINT!!

thankyew, Prisca!

I would LOVE to have ML as my MIL. My MIL threw me under the bus for the OW/OC. I barely have a relationship with her now after 3 years of NC between us. I will never trust her. She meddled in my marriage beginning the day we got back from our honeymoon.

Oh Lord help my son if he has an affair. It would not be a pretty picture! It sure wouldn't be my DIL under the bus. Your MIL is as bad as the OW, IMO.

I just got off the phone with Faithy and said the same thing, Mel. He'd be wearing his hinder for a hat if he did such a thing, cos I'd kick his bootay up to his ears!

shaddup, NG!!!

Yes, Ma'am.
(I gotta get me a gun bigger'n hers!)

I agree, Kimmy and Mel. My child better not dare ever have an affair or his BW would be the least of his worries! His momma would come after him but good!

>(I gotta get me a gun bigger'n hers!)


Good luck with that.

It has been an interesting day. Someone posted that they did not think this OW would go away quite so easily. They were right.

I sent the OW a message on Facebook this morning telling her to back off...listing every means of contact that I could think of and telling her that she was NOT to engage in it...(no email, no text, no IM, no PM, no Facebook, etc.)

I had posession of my husband's iPhone this morning. At 8:30 am, she sent MY message to him, TWICE. (OMG! Obviously the message on Tuesday that said that she did not know we were together was a TOTAL LIE, as was the part where she said she would NOT be in contact with him." HAH!

I called her from HIS phone.

She answered and I said, "Good Morning, D. And how are you this morning? You seem confused as you clearly cannot read."

She started yelling, "Now you need to back off and be nice to me!"

I said, "Excuse me? I requested VERY politely that you NOT contact husband, and within an HOUR of my sending you the message, you sent it on to him."

She said, "I knew this would be you on his phone."

I said, "You got that right"

She kept speaking to me in a very condescending voice (she is an LPN in a nursing home, and I suspect she talks to her patients the same way.)

I finally yelled, "You are a F'ing C" (omg! I never say that EVER. I don't think that has EVER come out of my mouth.)

"Do NOT EVER contact us again."

She said something to the effect that she didn't believe me---don't know what it was that she didn't believe---my blood pressure by this point was through the roof.

I had gone outside to talk ...sat in the car actually, because today is the first day of summer break and while oldest kid was at a sleepover, my sweet little 10 year old was home.

When this OW started telling me how I needed to speak to her and how I should TREAT her, I said, "You're on speaker phone. I am going into OUR house, to OUR bedroom, and I am going to wake MY husband who is asleep in OUR bed, and you can tell HIM how I need to talk to you."

She yelled louder.

I went in the house, to the bedroom, opened the door, said softly, "Honey, OW is on the phone:, and repeated what OW had said to me.

Meanwhile OW is screaming that she won't play second fiddle to anybody and how he's all mine and how she didn't know.

By now hubby is awake and has turned roughly the color of a pair of pale khaki pants. (He's not normally that color.)

THEN OW says to me, "If you contact me ONE MORE TIME, I will consider it harassment and I will prosecute!"

*My father is an attorney. My best friend is an attorney. I work with attorneys.....so I said, "GOODY! Bring it on!"

Hubby says, "What was that?"

I said "OW has a problem respecting the boundries of other people, so I helped her do that."

He said, "I promised you I would do that."

I said, "That was MINE to do. She's an F'ing C". (Again with a word I would NEVER use!)

I stormed back out of the house and locked myself in his truck. He comes stumbling out of the house and begs me to let him in. Eventually I get out of the truck...

As I am walking back into the house I say, "You engaged in an Emotional Affair with OW. You betrayed my trust. I will NOT tolerate that."

By the time we got in the house, I was deathly sick to my stomach. I ran to the bathroom and RETCHED. It was the scariest, most horrid sound I have ever heard my body make.

Youngest kid comes to me and asks what's wrong...she missed most of the yelling. And I said that someone who was not part of our family had behaved in a way that was not right and that her "bonus dad" and I were taking care of it.

I then left the house to run some errands and did not return home until about 11:30. While I was out, I called my best friend, the attorney, to let her know that I might get a "harassing communications" charge for telling the OW to STFU and go away.

Best friend is now very, very upset. She calls hubby and says, "MJ is very upset and I am concerned about her." Hubby says "I made a mistake in judgement last fall and have upset her. We are going to fix it."

Best friend...who also attends our church says to hubby, "I love you and MJ. You guys are our best friends. I will do whatever I can to support you two fixing your marriage. But as an attorney, I am telling you that you engaged in an EA and you betrayed her. If push comes to shove and she leaves you. SHE is who I will be representing, not you."

Hubby told her that he did not want me to leave and that he would fix it.

***Before hubby and I got married, we talked so much about what we DID NOT want to happen to us. We promised each other that if our marriage EVER reached a point at which we began to look to other people for some sort of validation that should come from our spouse, we would TALK ABOUT IT and FIX IT.

I am trying to figure out, objectively, what has happened here. From what hubby and I talked about last night, MIL has been on campaign of anti MJ rhetoric since last August. She is currently undergoing chemotherapy for breast cancer. Her masecotmy was in November 2009.

Hubby, my BIL and FIL have been concerned that her increasingly erratic behavior has been the result of the medications, so they have been hesitant to confront her about things...not just issues with me. (I have been present when she has screamed at my FIL because he did not remember the name of a man that owned a grocery store in their hometown in the 1960s.)

Hubby is the oldest of two boys, and has been "assigned" the role of "fixer". If anybody in the family needs something fixed, they call my hubby. My BIL is a police officer and lives 10 minutes from the inlaws, but they will call hubby (who is an hour away) to repair a gutter, hang a curtain rod, etc.

The "excuse" is that BIL has CHILDREN. (BIL is in a bad marriage. His wife has screwed pretty much anything with a badge in a tri-city area, BUT is the mother of two little girls (under 6), and the inlaws have my BIL convinced that if he divorces SIL for cheating, they will lose the grandkids.)

When we first started dating, MIL said to me, "In a perfect world, I would LOVE to have BOTH my boys home with me!"
(In May MIL and FIL moved to the same city my BIL lives in.)

Hubby said that post-divorce, MIL had not liked ANY woman he dated, but he has never known her to do anything remotely like this.

What I am trying to figure out now is what sort of time frame I give him to get us back on track. Do I say, "On Monday I want you to call our church and set up counseling. On Tuesday I want you to _____" ?????

I don't know.

I spoke to my big brother today. He said that he was amazed that I was not calling him to have him and my other brothers come and move us home to Texas.I'm a little surprised at my reaction, too.

But--I love this man, and while I am not stupid, I am not going to let this go without a fight. I am sure that this board gets inundated with posts about how 'blissful' things were before they went south...and sometimes that is wishful thinking.

In our case it was true. We had one fight while we were dating/engaged...and that one was over hubby telling me all the things ex girlfriends had done to deserve to be ex girlfriends...I told him it was like having an employer come by every day and say, "You're doing a great job but I can fire you tomorrow if I want!"

Since our marriage, we have had two fights. One over Christmas about his mother's treatment of me and the kids on Christmas day, and a second one in January when I told him that I was suspicious of the OW's intent and he told me I was being silly.

Until Tuesday I have never gone "spider monkey crazy" on him. (My 13 year old son uses that term and I love it!)

So...where do we go from here?

Step #1 is for him to end all contact with this skank. That means NO email, no phone, no facebook, nothing. He needs to send her a no contact letter that is approved by you and mailed TOGETHER. Step #1 is so important that you can't move forward until that happens.

Step #2 is building an affair proof marriage by creating complete transparency. He should hand over his cellphone and give you the passwords to any voice mail accounts, bank accounts, email, etc. HE SHOULD DELETE HIS FACEBOOK ACCOUNT AND NOT BE ON THE COMPUTER ALONE AGAIN.

Step #3 is to create a romantic relationship using this program. This program is completely different from others in that it really does restore the romance in a marriage.

A few key things that need to happen is that the affair needs to be exposed to your family. You should tell your kids and I would also suggest that you call your MIL, tell her about the affair and ask her to cut contact with the OW. She is a dangerous person to your family.

Another key thing is for him to get on another shift so you are spending the evenings together. You can't have a romantic relationship unless you spend 20+ hours per week. I think its good you don't fight, but that means very little if you are not in love and are not in a romantic relationship. Getting your inner clocks on the same schedule will make a big difference in integrating your lives.

here


[from SAA, pg 58]

OW, I want you to know that out of respect and love for my wife and children, I have come to realize that I must never see or talk to you again. My relationship with you was a cruel indulgence that BS did not deserve. While I cannot completely repay BS for the pain I caused her, I will do my best to become the husband she has been missing. I care a great deal for my family and I would not want to do anything to risk their happiness. I will not make any further contact with you and I do not want you to make any contact with me. Please respect my desire to end our relationship.

Sincerely, XXXXX

p.s. PLEASE make shorter posts, Martha. It is very hard to follow your story because your posts are so overly long. If you can condense them down to about a third of this, you will get more responses, I promise!

I would also add that you should continue to hold his phone so she doesn't get through.

Who are you, and what did you do with MelodyLane?

You done good with that boy. No surprise.

shaddup, MB!!

So sorry for what you went through this afternoon! I have dealt with my H's two OW and my sister's H's OW and all THREE were rude, unapologetic, dishonest, and disrespectful. But you did the right thing in confronting her. If she continues to contact your H, I would try to track her parents down and ask them to get her to stop.

BTW, completely ignore her threats of charging you with harassment. One phone call is NOT harassment. So MANY of these OP threaten that and never follow through. My sister's OW threatened ME with it, and I told her to please feel free to call the police ~ I would love to get this all out into the open and she backed right down.

Anyway, Mel has given you a great plan. Get that NC letter written and get his phone number changed (so that she can't text him) and get the FB closed down.

The thing that is very important to understand is how addictive affairs are. Even though your H may seem very remorseful and committed to R, he will be tempted to contact her or to talk to her if she contacts him. It is just the nature of beast and it will be like d-day all over again.

{{{{MJ}}}}}

Hot DANG, MJ, you are a pistol!
You let that little piece of skank know how it's going to be! Well done, girl, well done!

I won't get into what you need to do now. Mel has already given you your next steps. Follow them closely. Those are the steps that will lead you to recovery.

I just had to post to high five you for protecting YOUR LIFE. You'd be stunned by the posters who are afraid to.

Job, MJ.

shaddup, MB!!

Don't worry, MB, I've got us covered.

First of all, I cannot post to anybody when at work, but will say MJ YOU GO GIRL!

Way to tell that posow C- off!!!

I would still follow up with reading over at the Operation Investigate forum and learn the secrets of spying. The var needs to go in the car asap. The evil and vileness dripping from the venomous lips of that horrid ow, aka NURSE RATCHETT, just floored me.

I believe too, that she will not go away without a fight. To quell any stupid accusations about you harassing her, I'd print off ALL THE SEXUAL INNUENDO and all the questionable posts or emails or texts between them and have your WH sign an affidavit saying he was indeed engaging her in an affair and you had simply found out about it.

NO NEED TO LEGALLY FEAR THE OW. It's like this, you go before a judge. The judge asks why you're calling up ONE DAY out of the blue this woman and saying mean things to her. YOu respond, she is after my husband and here is my proof. You hand him the proof. He reads it. Judge looks at skankho and says, "Is it TRUE that you were chasing this woman's husband? Because to me it looks like you were. And she only called you and told you what you ALREADY KNEW? That's not harassment. It's somebody angry wanting an answer."

Thats the kind of response judges give to stupidity like that of the ow. She's angry because YOU REVEALED HER AFFAIR. That's what you say back to the judge. 'I guess your honor, she's angry b/c I let the cat out of the bag about her wanting to try to break up my marriage by having a destructive affair with my husband."

From now on, also get a voice recorder for your phone. Maybe if she calls and goes on a rant or tirade about how "you should respect her" (bahahahahahahaha! That's the richest one yet! Nurse Cheater Ratchett wants respect! Who the heck does she think she is? Aretha Franklin?) then you can replay that back to her or to a judge.

But seriously. When she realizes SHE CAUSED ALL OF THIS, she might not ever want to go to court b/c it will get pretty ugly for her. And make her look even worse than she already is in real life.

If there has been a strong emotional attachment, and judging from such a violent and visceral response from the ow, this might not go away quietly at all. Could be very well taken further underground as it is ENCOURAGED by your monster in law.

I hate my xmil too. I CALL THEM THE OUTLAWS. Feel free to borrow that if you will! My outlaws befriended the ow too. And when I'd found out the same day they'd helped the ow come clean MY OLD HOUSE after I'd moved out, and they were over at my new house (in the middle of my divorce) when I found out what they did, I SCREAMED AT THE BOTH OF THEM, AND ORDERED THEM TO NEVER ENTER MY HOME EVER AGAIN.

Outlaws suck too. Almost as bad as posow.

Just stand tall. Search. Load the spyware on the phone and computer and get the var and something for recording phone calls in case the skank wants to reach out and touch someone!

I knew you would, NG. I had a pea-shooter, probably don't need that, right? I just remember that it left red marks on my enemies in fourth grade...

I don't like guns. Gunpowder on the hands and all messin' w/my manicure

I prefer THIS:

Meet MY LEETLE FRIEND! His name is ATOM. ATOM knows how to get things done!

I can drop him from miles away and never break a nail or a sweat!