In plan B you have no contact - NO information coming your way or going his, about each other.

You are about on the timeline for plan A (for BW's about 6 weeks) but you have done so well that you could easily go into plan b soon/now and have no regrets.

Your H's actions show a complete disregaurd for you. Not only lack of respect, but complete indifference to humane treatment.

It is time for plan B.

barbie, where have you seen 6 weeks? I have only ever seen 3-4 weeks and my guess is that given her health problems he would tell her to go shorter rather than longer as I have heard him talk about the health implications of Plan A a lot on the radio show.


Here

Not only would you un-friend him, you would BLOCK him and make your profile as private as possible so he couldn't look at it.

You would essentially, erase him from your life and you from his. You need to pull into yourself.

If you feel like there are things about yourself, and your childhood abuse, that you would have to deal with, you could use your time in Plan B to work on it. This way you would have something other than your WH to occupy your time. And it would benefit you. You don't want the marriage you had pre-A and you will need to become a stronger woman to be able to stand up for yourself. You are worth it.

Do you have an IM? Do you have that Plan b letter ready? Having no children should make Plan B NC easier for you. Have you read the threads of other people who entered into Plan B? There are a lot of us out here. You will be able to see what was posted to us and what we went through so you could learn what you can.

If you choose to read my thread, I went to Plan B around page 44.

So, if you have that Plan B letter ready, throw it on up here, without the real names, etc, and we will help you edit it to make it most effective.

WH has been home virtually all the time lately. He's had really early and short shifts, days off, and has only seen OW once this week (besides at work), and been home otherwise. I'm reading SAA and Scotland's thread when I can. SAA right in front of WH, as was suggested to Scotland. Plan B letter is stalled where it was - hoping to finish that on Sunday and post here. I applied for a credit card to see an attorney, but was declined. I have one I'll call Tuesday for a free consultation. WH agreed to a post-nuptial or whatever would guarantee financial security for me (there is no legal separation here), even though he felt it was unnecessary since he "knows" he will honor his promises (yeah, like the ones to forsake all others and to be with me until death?). Sunday I can apply for a bank account and put some money away there, as well. Tomorrow we are supposed to go out of town together.

I'm struggling to think of an IM. Really struggling. No one involved right now is neutral that I can think of.

Still not sure how things are going to fall out at his work, but he did a phone interview with a different company yesterday.

I let myself get roped into love busting the other night. When he went to see her, her fiance' called me and threatened WH again, said that OW had told him where she lived (apparently this was a lie, but who knows?) and that he was heading over there. So I texted WH that he needed to get out of there. When he didn't respond, I called him to make sure he saw the message, and he answered the phone "What the hell did you do?!" - apparently the fiance' said that I called him, not the other way around.

Anyway, my answer was "excuse me?" and... then just anger. I don't even remember what all I said. I was just SO indignant that after everything I've done to keep the fiance' from kicking his [censored], he thought I was somehow involved. We've both apologized (profusely), but still, I know it was a love buster.

Also apparently SOMEONE called the cops on fiance' and accused him of spousal abuse (not true by all accounts). I suspect it was OW, but WH says no, she would never do that. ('Cause she's shown such excellent moral character up to now?)

I've stopped allowing WH to call her while at home. I simply say that it hurts me, and if you're going to do that, it needs to not be in our home - so last night he ran errands while calling her. Next step is to attempt to reign in the text messaging in front of me until I can get Plan B sorted. He keeps asking things like, "why is it okay to go see her, but not talk to her on the phone here?" and I keep repeating, "It's not okay to go see her, it will never be okay. It hurts me. It's not okay to talk to her, but you can at least not do that in our home in front of me when you know it is hurting me."

Tonight I am going out with a friend who is moving away next week. He had talked about walking to go see OW, but then today at lunch he said he would probably just take a nap while I was out.

I met some of his SF needs yesterday, but he stopped me part way in, and kinda freaked out. I asked him what was different about that time and the last dozen times we've done anything - and he was like, "It HAS NOT been a dozen." Which, while I haven't written every single time down, we've not gone more than 3 days since DDay without at least making out/touching, and often more, so... foggy brain is re-writing things in present time, too. I also mentioned a specific time, and he said "that lasted less than a minute." More like 15, but okay.

He has returned to sleeping in our bed every single night, though. He was completely out of it for three weeks, then he would crawl in every few nights, then every other night, and now back to not even mentioning anyone sleeping on the couch.

SF I think is actually not one of his top needs anyway, (Admiration, Affection, RC strike me as his top three and why he didn't drop the ILYB~ speech/withdrawing on me until after they began dating, which I gather was well after they started kissing) but I'll fill any he lets me fill during this period. Especially since I know she is not filling this one for him right now.

I'm still never sure what to say when he says things like "I haven't been in love with you for years." (ALL evidence points to the contrary.) or "I fell in love with her at first sight. My love for her hasn't grown, it was there from the moment I met her." (Also untrue - both in that he was still romantically pursuing me after he met her, and that they BOTH said on their secret FB page that they thought they were so great together because they were friends first.)

He's still making plans like he intends to still be living here at least until September. He has not mentioned moving out at all lately. He's still wearing his wedding ring. And during the phone interview he was talking about shopping at that chain "with his wife." He has no time frame at all for divorce. Has not indicated that he actually wants a divorce, only that it's inevitable since he wants to be with her.

Anyway, he will be home in about 10 minutes. I just thought I would update and vent. Thanks to everyone who has listened and given advice. And thanks so much to Scotland - that thread is a real inspiration.

The IM doesn't necessarily need to be neutral ~ they just have to be able to handle their role in a neutral manner. In other words, it can be someone that you know supports you and hates the A, but they just have to be able to handle the communications in a neutral manner.

It doesn't sound like your have actually demanded that he end all contact. Not just that it hurts you but that you won't tolerate it and that continued contact will lead to a separation/possibly divorce.

You need to be in Plan B, River. Get your letter written and your other ducks lined in a row ASAP. If he goes to see OW again, I would have his bags with his Plan B letter at the door when he returns.