Thank you Pep. It does feel tragic. My daughter and her husband were so excited, along with the rest of us, and we all knew what wonderful parents they would make. She has a baby book and would read to us weekly what stage the baby would be in.

I truly do hope and pray that she will be able to have children. She is the kind of person that really would make an excellent mother.

I'm being strong for her, but this has really brought me down again. Of course I had a few words with God again on my way home......I don't understand the level of pain he thinks I can handle.

(((MyJourney))) I'm so very sorry.

I have prayed for your daughter and her husband and also for you in the loss of your grandchild.

This is the sort of loss where there is no fix.
Only pain that slowly (very) recedes into the background, but does not always remain in the background.
I hope you all cling to each other during this time.

I've yelled at God many times.
It's OK.

Thank you for the support and prayers Kirby.

Yeah Pep, no fixing this one. We are rallying together as a family. She and her husband are clinging to each other today, but she's been talking to me on the phone, and texting me all day. My family has been sending her messages all day since she didn't want to talk to anyone but me and her brother.

After sitting around in the room with her husband all morning, which they had just cleaned out for the baby, my daughter said she didn't want to spiral into depression, and her husband was in shock. So...together they went out and soaked up the sun and went to Ihop. Thank God they can eat. She told me she was looking for diversions.

Then they went and bought a new puppy. She asked me if I thought it was a good idea, and I told her maybe I wasn't the one the ask...since my coping skills haven't been the best. I told her I thought a puppy was way better than turning to drugs or alcohol though. I have received several adorable pics of the pup so far.

I'll be seeing her tomorrow after work, and will be with her for as long as she needs me Wednesday for the surgery, and afterwards. Her husband and her have really been there for each other throughout all of this. That was good to see.

So sorry for all of your loss...........

(((((MJ)))))

You Know that baby went directly into Gods waiting arms right?
Thats the only way I can handle that news.

So sorry for your loss and so happy your daughter has you, your son, and her Husband to support her.

Will be Praying for you guys.

Be sure to ask all sorts of questions about the puppy. Like how's it doing, did it poop outside without being prompted to, that sort of thing.

It will provide a welcome distraction.

MJ, let me add my condolences to those already expressed. These have not been good times for many of us, and to have this happen seems like pouring gasoline on a fire.

My prayers go out to you, your daughter and her husband, and their baby.

Thank you SoughtOut. I appreciate that.

C.P., that's about the only way I can handle the news too.

Thank you too KarmaRose. I actually did ask her today how the puppy did, and it brought out cute stories and some laughter. Thanks for that. I actually read you post before I talked to her.

Thank you Fred. As you can see below, my fire has been burning. I'll remember your previous advice today. When you're in hell, keep going. I plan to.

I feel like I'm being tested beyond what I'm capable of handling. And if the lesson is to learn lessons, why so many? Why would God put me through the depths of hell, just to rely only on him? It feels cruel to me. Does the end always justify the means? You don't have to answer those questions. I'm just angry and rambling at the moment. Yes...mad at God again.

Why? I just got off the phone with my daughter and am re-experiencing the pain and loss of yesterday's news. I can tell by what my daughter has been describing, that she and her husband are suffering from PTSD, and I know what that feels like. They couldn't sleep last night due to anxiety and nightmares. She's feeling physically ill with cramps, and could miscarriage today and will have to be rushed to the hospital. I can tell she's going to need therapy, and that he pain of losing their first child is not going to go away quickly.

I came into work today with a very heavy heart, and now I'm mad. At some point today, I'll do some more mental gymnastics and try not to make any more negative judgements about why God is letting all this happen. I use to be close to him, and now I'm withdrawing, so it's really having the opposite effect of what I think his plan was, and that was to draw me nearer to him possibly. Well....hard to snuggle up with someone who doesn't mind inflicting pain on you.

Rant over.

Sorry about the rant.

(((((MyJourney)))))

So sorry for all of your loss.

You and your family are in my prayers.

nESRE

Praise you in this storm

Thanks nesre, I appreciate the thoughts and support. Is that suppose to be a lower case "n" in your name?

Wow, really wearing myself out with the mental gymnastics today. Spent my day flipping my thoughts from anger to acceptance and trying to see the bigger picture. Yeah. And that picture is still blurry. I have this great picture of a winding path in the woods. The path up ahead is foggy and you can't see beyond what's right around you. I made this picture my screen saver. I have this insatiable curiousity to see what's around the corner, but I just realized the path up ahead is always going to be foggy. We can't predict the future, no matter how well we plan for it. It's the journey on the path that matters, so usually I try to see the beauty of what's around me, and not worry to awfully much about what's ahead. Those thoughts still help me today, but it sure is hard to see the beauty in a situation like this. I can tell you I've gotten alot closer to my daughter and son-in-law through this though.

S.I.L. actually opened up to me today about what the experience was like of finding out the news yesterday about their baby. He trusted me with those intimate details. That means a lot to me. His story was heartbreaking. My daughter was "behind the curtain" while he waited. He said they usually are talkative and take one sonogram pic and then let him in with my daughter. Not this time. He said it was quiet back there, and that they took like 4 or 5 pictures. That's when the cold chill hit him. His story stopped there, because I think we were both trying to hold back the tears. He shared a few more details with me but we stopped when my daughter came back in the room. We wanted to keep it light for her for a bit.


I stopped by their house after work today. Brought them dinner, and met the new puppy. The puppy is adorable, playful, and friendly. She's perfect. Daughter and S.I.L. stayed in today. She didn't feel well and we all agreed she should take it easy. She's acting strong, but I know she's hurting terribly. I have been discussing therapy options with them. Let's pray she makes it through the night and tomorrow with no complications.

Ok, I've done enough ranting lately but I have one more that really, really hurts me. Stbx has NOT tried to contact my daughter in any way since he heard the news yesterday morning. I did not bring the subject up. My daughter mentioned she heard from so and so today, through messages, including stbx's sister and brother. But not stbx. WHAT IS UP WITH THAT? I cannot possibly believe, or maybe I can, that he can be so thoughtless as to not offer his condolences. Everyone I told has but him. They've all sent her nice e-mails, texts, or messenged her on FB. I'm shocked. I thought he was better than this. I'm left with the thought that this has absoultely nothing to do with me, and is all about stbx's character. I wonder how he justifies this one to himself....Actually, I'm not that messed up to be able to figure it out. Next.

One more thing I thought was noteworthy for my thread....

When I saw my paralegal last week and she told me that there was no movement on the dark side, I asked her to keep it moving on my side. That day she sent a Motion to Compel to the dark side to get them moving, because they had not sent us what we requested, by the date we requested it. Apparently stbx turned his stuff in this past Friday and it was still unexecuted and won't be filed with the courts until his attorney gets back from her vacation on the 20th.

However, my attorney's office is on the ball, and this morning she e-mailed me the notice of our first hearing. There's a hearing on July 21rst for temporary needs, exclusive use of the home, alimony, and general relief. We'll work on a settlement between now and then. I have a feeling we'll go all the way to court though. I'm pretty much planning on it. Please pray that it goes well for me. I don't know what's around the bend.....

Hey MJ Glad to hear you are doing better. Also closer with SIL. sounds like a family loving each other through a tough time..

stbx not contacting your DD just shows how far away from caring he really is. I'm sorry that has happened but it really can be expected with the words he has been saying lately.

I am wondering about how prepared you and you lawyer are to keep as much of the assets as possible, because you seem the most likely to use them responsibly. Are you counterfiling for adultry or whatever works in your state for leverage?

In this case though, from what I have picked up about you, he could get everything and leave you with the toaster and in the long run you will rise above. "He who steals my purse steals trash" certainly applies in this case.

Just be prepared for more bitter childish banter aimed at making you miserable if you see him in court. Remember that its more garbage and you will not have to see him again. Remember your sigline..

Keep on keepin on MJ, Prayers going up for you guys

Hi C.P.,



Thank you. I'm doing my very best to get better.

I would definitely say that it has been a family loving each other. One of my goals was to bring my entire family closer together, before this crisis occured. That's the main reason that I went to the lake with my bro this past weekend, other than playing on his new boat :. There's been a lot of pain in my family over the last few years, and no matter how distant I can be with my extended family sometimes due to the roller coaster induced depressions, they always reach for me, and I reach back. The kids and I however, that's an even closer relationship that I will forever be grateful for.



Why do they walk away from the kids too? My guess is because they don't respect him, and it's just easier for him to not care. They aren't his biological children, but he always claimed to love them. I can't see that, especially with this situation.



I hope we're prepared, and I believe I will be responsible with whatever is settled upon. Thank you for that vote of confidence. I can't answer the last question for you, yet. My plan is to not give out any details of the divorce until after stbx has been made aware of them in our timing.



Wow C.P. Thanks again for the vote of confidence. If all I get is a toaster, you can bet I'm going to make some toast. Seriously though, if that were the way it played out, I would pick myself up again and try to forgive our justice system, and stbx.



If I were to see Wstbx, my guess is that he'd have a look of distain, and I'd be able to detect a false sense of security about who he is in the air. If he utters a word, it'll have a sarcastic, or shocked tone to it. He is an entitled acting wayward afterall. And I've seen this behavior many times. Thank you for the reminder of never having to see again after this. He'll never darken my doorstep as a wayward ever again. Hallelujah!

Formerly Mopey is right.

Speaking of keep on keeping on, you seem to be doing better from the pieces I pick up on various threads. Are you doing anything for fun these days? Other than posting to the extremely cool people here?

Oh, you sound so good today! I'm happy for you.

As far as your question: Why do they walk away from the kids too?

I'd love to understand that, bc mine is being that way- not calling much again- one time a week and they ARE his boys. It's CRAZY!

Dr. Harley has often compared waywards to addicts. Addicts dump anyone who doesn't support their drug (adultery, in this case) because addicts love nothing more than they love their drug. And that includes the kids.

When you have a formerly loving parent who ends up ignoring their own children, IMHO that's always an addiction of some sort. Nothing else short of bona fide mental illness can break that bond, but addiction will break it every time.

Ever watch *Intervention*? Or *Hoarders*? Those folks are all addicts and they all choose their drug over their children. Adultery is no different.

Thanks HF and Mulan for the replies.

It is entirely possible my husband is addicted to the thought of OW. He spent a lot of time thinking about them. I'm so thoroughly bowled over by his entitlement, that it boggles the mind to think about it.

Not in a good place right now, but so glad her surgery went ok. Except for the fact that the doctor said she normally only takes a 1/3 of a vile of tissues out, and with my daughter, she took out 2 viles. I hope that's not a bad sign. We have to wait a few days for the results. It'll be at least a year before they are able to try again. I am so relieved that she made it through the night without miscarrying. That would have been a tougher situation for her I think.

Today was sad, sad, sad. My daughter and S.I.L. were really hurting. We all felt so bad for them, and we're hurting too. Everyone in that room had a boyfriend, husband, or fiance to get comfort from, except me. It hurts. Especially when I first heard the news.

We were able to lighten their moods a little while waiting with them before surgery. There were 7 of us in that little room with her, and she loved it. Of course the doctors and nurses coming in and out all had funny comments to say about it. My son is hilarious and he pretty much kept of us all laughing.

My daughter was able to go home around 3:00. Has been receiving a lot of flowers from my side of the family, and her friends.

I was so hurt that stbx had not reached out to her, I finally texted him about it. He said he was under the impression that she didn't want any contact at all with anyone. I know I told him that she didn't want phone calls, but I don't know why he couldn't have sent messages like everyone else. Whatever, I am glad now because I think he'll contact her today.

And, he didn't ask anyone about her surgery...I don't know. As a parent I know I would do more, because I have done a whole lot more in this situation. He just doesn't care to try hard enough, he never has.

I have been surrounded by people I love, and who love me today, but I feel SO lonely and sad right now.

For distraction, my son, his gf, and myself went house looking and out to eat afterwards. That helped us for a few hours. Now we're about to watch a mindless comedy, Joe Dirt since gf has never seen it. That should last a few more hours.

I'm starting to feel a little numb again. This is so painful. Damn, I hope I can continue to pick myself up. This bites worse than anything.

Hang in there Mopey.

Well I was talking about the other part of the sigline, the one from Pep, but I like it that you took the other part "formerly" Mopey and have applied it.

Fun? well in the bizzaro world I live in, I managed to repair the electrical harness of my friends 95 VW GTI that had burnt when he pinched the door harness, and it fried the wiring all the way up to behind the dashboard, which we pulled out also. (Did the Germans hear of fuses yet?). Anyways, because I was at one time assembling missile fire control cables and equipment,(bored yet? HMM? told you it was bizzaro), and am a former ASE master tech who had his own business, and one of those dudes who fixes ever-y-thang,(Kat Williams?), I was quite adept at it. Even custom modified the new door harness to work with the upgrade alarm system, because the correct harness could not be found. I impressed my friend,(again), and his family and recieved high fives from all, and twisted my arm a little patting myself on the back too!

So that was fun...

Thats about covers it. Look for my crazy antics on U tube lol. JK

Thanks for asking and hoping your days are getting brighter also. God bless

Mulan has that right BTW, it a sickness like addiction. My wife who used to be connected with the kids started to slip away when her real life drug addiction took over, and they could feel it. When at last after trying to get WW to go to a clinic and counseling for it I had to take kids aside and tell them she was hooked on heroin, so they would know what was up, and it was not them that was the problem.

I hate that about addiction in any form, and it will tear them away from what they used to love.

MJ I am confused, I thought that your DD miscarried, but in above post it sounds like she is still carrying.

How am I missing something? Sorry I have to ask.

Joe dirt is killer funny I bet she was rolling.

Yeah hang in there Mopey..