Sorry, I was being a bit stupid (again!):

You need to send his FRIENDS an exposure message. You need to look for key friends, like his siblings and parents. Your mutual friend might be able to give you this access.

Then you should go with her. If that is true, which its not, she won't mind you being there. "Getting closure" is code for continued contact. That is all that is happening here.

Finah, is there anything at all you would be willing to do bust up this affair? It seems you can't do anything we suggested so this seems rather hopeless.

Can you not see the OM's FRIENDS? The point is to get a list of all his friends and send them exposure messages. Can you do that?


To her parents? To WHOM was the affair exposed and exactly WHAT were they told?

If you know your wife is NOT on facebook open an account in her name and try to friend him. But do it quick while you know they are out of contact.

When he accepts cause he will copy the friends list to word and start messaging all of them - family type people first from your account with an exposure note. One minute apart so you don't get blocked by the site.

And is there a wife? GF? FIND HER. That saved me.

Why would you do this? Why?!

Your wife asks you to move out of your house, because.....it is easier to carry on her affair with you out of the way. Never leave your house unless ordered to by a police officer or a court order.

If your wife asked you to jump off a cliff, would you do that also?

Finah

How did it go at the run?

Cypress

It�s been awhile since an update but here we go.
���������������
The race I had no control over, I had to work overtime that day and was unable to attend.� I found out she did not end contact with the OM at the race like she said.� No surprise there really.�
�
She left for Wisconsin later that week after the race to visit her parents.� I know for a fact she was there b/c a family friend took her.� I still had access to her phone and email accounts and knew contact with the other man was continuing.� The stuff I was reading was pretty funny to me, talking about oh how we were meant for each other. We are going to take trips after this.� Blah blah blah.� Planning there whole life together before it has even started.�
�
I decided to move out for a couple of reasons.� One I couldn�t take it, it was really making it hard for me to deal with.� And two, I know she can�t afford the house and the bills all by herself, not for long.� I know it has allowed the affair to continue.� But she refused to move out, it�s a joint mortgage, I know she has no where else to go, so there was no way I could physically remove her from our home. To me.� Staying there was only showing her that I was willing to stay by her side no matter what and I don�t want to give her that impression that I am some doormat.� Not sure what else I could have done in that situation.� Staying there in my eyes would have only pushed her farther away.�
�
I intercepted a couple more emails discussing the issue of me moving out with the OM, telling him she was relieved to some degree, but as she left for school that day she sat in the car just crying.
�
It�s amazing how I read a lot of threads on here and the situations are pretty much text book, the emotion, the denial etc etc.
�
She has dragged her feet throughout this entire process.� She wants out of the marriage, wants to sell the house, but has made no steps to do so.� She is going back and forth on whether or not she wants to see a therapist for herself.� One day she was adamant that she was fine and there were no problems and the next day was frantic and needed to talk to someone ASAP.�
�
The last time I saw her was a few days ago, basically told her how I felt about our relationship over the past 11 years, which she told me was all a lie.� LOL.� She told me she just feels differently about me, not sure if she still loves me.� << Sound familiar.
�
�I basically told her I am ending all contact with her and that I had filed papers and that I would see her in court.� She broke down, crying hysterically and I will admit I was upset to at saying good bye.� We kissed she told me she loved me and I left.�
�
Made a huge huge mistake in calling her about an hour or 2 later, telling her that it shouldn�t be this hard and that this was all a mistake.� And she was back to her wayward ways.� Haven�t spoken to her in a couple days now.
�
The girl is just lost.� If it does end up in dissolution or a divorce, I know she will regret it, bet my life on it.� I know how she makes decisions.� By that time it may be too late for us.� I may have moved on with my life.�
�
But she has a way with words.� Making me feel like she is right that I have been this awful guy, when I know it�s not true.�
�
I have exposed it to everyone I know and she knows.� Of course this is making her upset b/c she feels I am making her out to be the bad person.�
�
Everyone that I have talked to about this has told me DON�T EXPOSE IT AT WORK.� When everyone here has told me the exact opposite, should have listened to all of you more.�
�
But I have written a formal email to a contact at their workplace that I am confident will pass the information along.� I will follow up with a phone call if I do not here anything.�
�
My question is how to I deal with that situation.� I am expecting all hell to break loose.� The place where she works out deals with a lot of government/private contracts in the biomedical field, secret clearances, and the whole nine yards.� She is not even allowed to tell me what she does.� I know previously the workplace caught two people having an affair and fired both of them on the spot, regardless of their position held.� I will almost guarantee the OM is fired b/c he works with security and they are not supposed to be involved with the employees.� On top of that she may lose her job all ready b/c of a confrontation she had with another employee awhile back she was pulled out of her group just last week.�
�
To me it seems like a good time to finally man up and spring the workplace exposure.�
�
Appreciate the support
�

That letter should go to at least two persons in her workplace - (1) her boss, and (2) a copy to the HR manager.

I'm not sure moving out was a good idea.

As advised send the exposure letter to her boss cc the HR director and the chairman or CEO. Then standback and wait.

Write the letter today and post it tomorrow do not waste any more time.

Edit** those who advise you not to expose do not have the experience that is found on MarriageBuilders, here the effort is to stop the affair and implement a plan for a viable marriage recovery.

Couple issues with that. Her company doesn't exactly have a public list of email contacts due to the nature of their work. I struggled to find just one. I will search for another tonight though.

Perhaps I will move back in after exposure.

Finah, you might try calling the office and asking for Human Resources. When you are connected, tell them you want to speak to the director so you can report an affair.

What I basically ended up telling my parents and MC. Obviously you tend to value those opinions to those people you are closest.

My opinion is that pretty much everyone is an outsider looking in, giving their opinion on how I should handle this situation. The fact is that those who have dealt with this, at MB and alike, or those that are dealing with this are giving a bit of a different perspective on how to confront the issue and not react.

I was going to follow up with a phone call.

The person I sent the email just happens to be the one she was in a confrontation with. Better or worse I am almost positive they will forward it on to the proper people. They have strict policies and protocol when it comes to any outside/internal issue.

Agree. Those who have successfully dealt with adultery usually will have a valid opinion and those who haven't, don't. All opinions are obviously not equal or even valid.

Is this a publicaly listed company if so the names of the directors should be on the web site. Send a letter to all if you have to.

So on moving back in.

I guess are there any downsides? Obviously she will not be happy, she will probably say I am making it worse, pushing her further away.

Two, when I say I moved out, I moved out, I took everything of mine out.

We have two beds, one is currently at my parents house the other is at our home.

I was thinking about keeping the bed I am using at my parents house, forcing her either to sleep with me, or sleep with dogs on the floor or couch, lol.

No not listed. Again due to the nature of their work in the biomedical field. The testing that goes on with animals they end up receiving a lot of threats, so they go to great lengths to conceal contact info and info about how to reach anyone inside.

If you cannot find the names send two letter addressed to the HR director cc her Boss via registered return receipts, therein request a response if you receive non have a letter drafted by your lawyer and send it though again.

Check to see if the OM works for the company or a hired security company.

Works 4 the company. Like I said they don't mess around there. If they look into what I wrote and they will. Chances are they will be both be gone, no questions. OM is almost for sure done being in the position that he is in and how seriously they take their security there.

Taking ur advice Melody and moving back in today. Sick and tired of letting the WW dictate what I do. I will admit I was pretty down for about week, now I am just mad.

Will remain calm though