Don't you understand? Some affairs are just "unique" and just because you don't have an emotional investment [read:emotionally charged] and have saved your own marriage using these techniques does not mean you are objective or know what you are talking about..
Mel, its sad some people just don't get it. For me this was the beauty of MB, experienced people who didn't have the emotional investment who could advise and provide clarity when emotions were so raw. There are MBers who not only get it but do appreciate the time and advice vets and senior members give.
On exposure - it isn't easy to do, it is counter intuitive you want to protect your WS, family, even yourself. As Dr. Harley, the vets and those more experienced have stated it is the most powerful tool a BS has in killing the A.
Yes there are fears that some may not respond the way we wish they would, or we may not think we have enough evidence. But if it makes the WS & OP uncomfortable or interferes with their fantasy you have been successful. It may even plant the seed of doubt in the minds of friends who re think the story they have been told.
Exposure is an important means of getting the truth out there and countering the waywards history re write and denigration of the BS. This is important not only in killing the A, but helping the BS find support. If reconciliation is possible it also helps recovery if family and have friends were aware of the truth, if not their view of the BS can impact marital recovery and contact may need to be cut.
Exposure is empowering, it enables the BS to slowly taking back some control over their life and hopefully a successful marriage in the future.
So in a nutshell, if any newly BS are reading this thread, yes your situation is painful, there may be some details that are different, but basically all waywards follow the same script - deception, hardening, destroy and the principles of MB are the same for personal and marital recovery regardless of how different you may think your situation is. So follow the MB principles and listen to the advice offered, its the best chance you have for recovery.
