I am seriously pursuing my own vulnerability.

... Gotcha!

"Which little old lady was it?"

Me?

So its been a year, huh?
Stay strong

Looking for a scientific rational reason for infidelity may not be possible.

... to envy the the new guy that got to beat the piss out of his OM?

To want to thank the guy?

I work with her every day. I have spent a lot of time talking to her. We talk about our families, and our likes and dislikes. I can talk politics with her; she is rational and prudent.

Its not quite an infatuation, but I am very fond of her.

One day, I saw her in the halls, and I was overcome with joy. I admit, I just gave in and hugged her.

Then, gently, she kissed me on the ear.


No! I was dumbstruck. "I don't know what my wife will think about this!"

"Oh, she don't have to know, honey."

I had to tell NGB.

I told her everything. Her expression shocked me. It was amusement. As if she had been expecting this.

"Oh yeah?" She asked... Almost jokingly. I was floored.

"Which little old lady was it?"

... Gotcha!

Just had to say, HHH, that in my lurkdom over the last week, you were thisclose to getting me out of hiding with that thread title. I was like, "WHAAA......??????"

Extraordinary Precautions
Conditions for the continuation of Marriage


Protection from the previous affair
First and foremost, NGB agrees to No Contact for life with her former affair partner and coworker. Contact includes, but is not limited to; email, text, Facebook, MySpace, or any other form of social networking or electronic communication, phone calls, and especially face-to-face personal contact. Any and all contact initiated by NGB with her former affair partner will be recognized as continuation of adulterous activity, and grounds for divorce. Any �accidental� contact, or contact initiated by the former affair partner will be reported to HHH immediately. If, under any circumstances, NGB comes into contact with her former affair partner, she is to immediately leave the area and call HHH.

Friendship with OMS is not to be rekindled or maintained, and only a minimal professional relationship will be tolerated. This means there will be no attendance of events which OMS will be present at, no text exchanges not directly related to work, and no conversation at work of personal matters.

Protection from future affairs
NGB will, under no circumstances, maintain �friendships� with members of the opposite sex. Contact with members of the opposite sex will be limited in time and content in the following manners;
1) Absolutely NO contact or conversation with former boyfriends, long-term male friends, or former sexual partners
2) Absolutely NO contact or conversation with men who are unfamiliar to HHH, and who are not, in fact, friends of HHH�s or friends of the family
a. In instances of HHH�s friends, or friends of the family, contact is NOT to carry on alone or in private, and is not to include material outlined in the section �acceptable conversation� in this document.
3) Absolutely NO personal conversation with male coworkers or customers. Conversation is to be limited by the �acceptable conversation� section of this document.
a. Breaks, lunches, and any time before or after shift are not to be spent alone or in private with any male coworker or customer � NO EXCEPTIONS.
4) Absolutely NO riding or sitting in the vehicles of men in the previous categories.
5) Flirting with any male other than Michael is not acceptable. Any male flirting with Heather must be told BY Heather that it is not acceptable � this includes comments about NGB�s body or features, or any comments which are in any manner sexually or physically suggestive.
6) Any form of non-professional contact or conversation with any member of the opposite sex which NGB finds physically attractive will not be tolerated.
a. NGB will report honestly if she has any physical attraction to any male coworkers. Any and all conversation with these people which occurs under any circumstances will be reported to HHH.

At the closest possible time and date, a legally prepared and binding post-nuptial agreement will be drafted and signed. Conditions in this agreement will include the following;
1) In the event of divorce with adultery named as the fault, NGB will be entitled to and receive no more than 25% of the marital assets including; cash, cars, furniture, electronics, and/or any home(s) which are marital property.

In the event of divorce due to repeat adultery, NGB understands that HHH will sue for full custody of the children of the marriage with extreme prejudice.

Adherence to Marriage Builders material;
The Policy of Radical Honesty (PoRH)
The Rule of Protection
The Policy of Undivided Attention (PoUA)
The Policy of Joint Agreement (PoJA)

NGB will confess her adultery to the children of the marriage. Furthermore, a list of target family members will be discussed under PoJA, after which a letter of exposure will be drafted and signed by both HHH and NGB as a form of protection of the marriage � evil always dies in the light.


Conditions of divorce
The event of divorce, especially in the event of repeat adultery, will in no manner be amicable or friendly. HHH has no interest in being �friends� with NGB, not even under the rationale of �for the children.� Adultery is a selfish and cruel abuse which, if repeated, will lead to a complete termination of contact. Under these circumstances, all contact will be sent through a third-party intermediary, and will be limited specifically to information about the children of the marriage.

Acceptable conversation
Section A
As circumstances of work and certain social situations may make conversation with members of the opposite sex necessary, these conversations will exclude the following topics;
1) Music, movies, games, sports, hobbies, television, and/or any item of particular popular culture.
a. Rationale � discussion of these topics reveals personal preferences, likes, and dislikes and fosters the building of bonds between participants.
2) Personal history, memories, events, holidays, friendships.
a. Rationale � these topics are personally revealing and produce vulnerability.
3) Any and all problems, conflicts, or complaints of the marital relationship or family.
a. Rationale - any conversation of this subject with anyone other than HHH is disrespectful to the marriage, and dangerous. All problems, conflicts, or complaints of the marital relationship or family are to be discussed with HHH, and HHH only.
4) Details of personal life or family or friends
Section B


Topics of conversation with the opposite sex which will be acceptable include;

1) Work scheduling
a. Work scheduling is not to be shared with non-department personnel other than store management
2) Work tasks which need to be completed
3) Communication and feedback related directly to work tasks or the schedule

Summary
Any conversation with male coworkers requires only content outlined in Section B. No conversation with male coworkers including topics in Section A is required to perform work tasks, and is therefore to be avoided with no exception.

Acknowledgement
The terms and conditions outlined in this document are HHH�s right as the victim of NGB�s cruel and thoughtless actions in carrying on an affair. These terms are in no way negotiable or subject to PoJA. By signing this document, NGB states understanding of the conditions of just compensation and extraordinary precautions due if she wishes to remain married to HHH.

Signature: _______________________________________ Date: ____________________

HHH -

When you mentioned you had written up EPs, I thought you were talking about your own. However, what you posted are EPs for your FWW.

Did she not write up her own? If she did, why is that not the basis for this "contract" that you posted?

The EPs you listed are quite valid, I have no issue with those. My feeling, though, is that it's a more honest admission and agreement if it comes from your FWW (POJA'd, of course, with you) than if it is written more as a mandate/ultimatum from you. (Although, again, I understand that.)

Dunno, maybe it's just my own quirk coloring my take on it.

Don't push it.
This "V word" is a developing thing.

What I know:

I only became vulnerable after I became strong.
After I recognized my own strength.
After I knew that if H ever became wayward again (or started drinking again) I have the strength and the where-with-all to leave him standing alone in his own dark place.

Vulnerability to love and be loved.
Strength to walk away when I need to

I hope this helps..

DH and I had a conversation about something like this earlier tonight. In a nutshell, it was about avoiding justifications I could use for future infidelity.

That's one concern I felt over the EP contract you posted, HHH. It strikes me as something a WW could use as justification or to build resentment.

A second concern is that, no matter how true it is, I wonder if it would be a lovebuster for her. I wonder, particularly with time and distance from the trauma and accompanying remorse, if your W will read this letter at some point in the future and be more likely to harbor feelings of ill-will over it/its wording.

To reiterate, I certainly see where you're coming from, and don't deny the rationale nor the impetus for such a contract. My DH would be right there with you, should I get it in my head that a repeat of the summer of 2008 would be a good idea. And I absolutely agree with that stance.

Again, I don't know. It could just be me.