Clear statement, not missing anything

Writer1,
Let me preface this by saying that if anyone is interested in the details of my situation they can review my thread here called �Another OC Story.�

After this thread got off the ground (it was probably 3-4 pages long at the time) I emailed it to my Wexw (a non-MBer). It had become my feeling after starting to read some threads here for a couple months to that point, that my wexw should have the first opportunity to share the truth with our D9. However, I had also made it clear to wexw that I would never lie to D9 and that if she asked, I would tell the truth.

This thread apparently persuaded my wife to give D9 the full story. She did so with great heaviness in her heart, much trepidation and anxiety. Previously (when she was actively wayward and during the beginning of the D), she had stated that she didn�t think D9 ever needed to know her genetic origins.

I should say that D9 is an exceptionally emotionally intelligent little girl. She has always been the picture of self confidence and seems to have natural boundaries. She�s thoughtful and contemplative, but always manages to see the bright side of things.

I was not there for the conversation (another unfortunate privilege of divorce), but wexw shared some of what she said and how she said it, and I have little reason to believe she portrayed the situation inaccurately. I believe she gave the facts truthfully and sensitively, focusing on how wanted D9 was and what a struggle the pregnancy was (possible genetic issues and all).

Per the report, D9 was immediately quite accepting. The next day D9 was with me and she brought it up spontaneously. I asked how she felt and she said �I feel really special.� She also said something to the affect of �I know you�re my Daddy.�
One of her observations was: �was that why Daddy was so upset when you had a relationship with (OM#1)?�

It�s been a couple of months or so and I must say I had always wondered what it would be like when that tacit untruth was gone (I had predicted the truth would come out by next year). I has been refreshing. I thought it would be like a lifted weight, but it�s not. It�s more like a thin glass barrier has been removed. IOW, I�ve always been her Dad, it�s just that I knew something that she didn�t. That fact had an impact on my innermost feelings as a father; it just made me a little sad that I had important information she didn�t. Now that�s not there anymore, and I would say our relationship is definitely more genuine and real.

It�s only come up a couple times since. Right after, she shared the information with a classmate (!). This was something wexw was particularly concerned about (not just for her own reputation, but for D9�s perception in this small community). She also shared it with a 20 year old counselor at her after school program. There have been no apparent ramifications of these. She told her brother (14). He has not brought it up. I have since told her that if she chooses to share the information with anyone else (and that is her exclusive right), that she should be fair to her mother and let her know, as it could possibly affect her.

I know there are differing views represented in this thread. To me it really is an individual matter and must take into account ALL of the circumstances. The divorce, and wexw�s EA(s), had a great impact on our situation, for sure. The older sibling has always been a concern. The fact that spermdonor is legally out of the picture affects things. However, I believe overall, for us, 9 was a good age. I think she was ready. I was looking for an impetus to persuade wexw, and this thread served the purpose better than anything � it was like a miracle.

So, I�m not trying to thread-jack but I truly think this post belongs here. This thread is another example of the power of these forums. Even if you think you�re just throwing out a simple idea, you can impact another family in a positive way, possibly for generations to come. I thank you all for your input here, and I hope this helps you, Writer!

Optimism

Thank you for sharing.

Opt, that is so beautiful! I wanted to let you know that writer1 is taking a short break from MB but asked me to tell you thank you for sharing your story.

Opt.

�was that why Daddy was so upset when you had a relationship with (OM#1)?�

Don�t ever underestimate what children intuit but never mention. The truth of our relationships is often felt more than it is spoken,

As an OC I�m so glad you removed this 900 pound gorilla from the room. The shrapnel from an affair takes many shapes and affects everyone nearby. I hope that by your ex-W coming clean with OC she will avoid her damaging behaviors in the future and as a result provide a better life for OC.

God Bless
Gamma