I agree with you about his mother, and he is very uncomfortable with the knowledge that she does have (he was downright irate with me when I called her devastated at 12am when I'd made a huge discovery, couldnt reach him, and was alone in a foreign country with no one else to reach out to) but for now, her alliegance seems to be with me, because she also has been a BS and that night, she just kept repeating how sorry she was, that "he wasnt raised this way"

I should also let you all know that I live in Texas, but I'm not from here originally, I'm from Canada, I moved here to be with him 6 years ago. Being the outsider in small-town-Texas isnt easy and most of my friendships are online... just some insight on me there

the last few times I've checked his phone since that contact, her number is still listed in his "blocked contacts" so I guess thats a point in his favor, but you are right, we should probably change the number...

thank you so much for the links!

now for the "I'm just THIS big of an idiot" question...

Is Android the same as HTC inspire? I've never had a cell phone, so I dont really keep up on all the techy stuff

This is as far as I needed to read.

Elianna97, it's time for some industrial-grade snooping. Have you read the threads on our Operation Investigate forum? Please do so.

To start:
Keylogger for the computer. www.spectorpro.com is used frequently by the posters on this site, and is easy to use. Eblaster is a great keylogger.

Can you get to his cell phone? Do you have access to his online cell phone records? Waywards can be notoriously sloppy. Check his texts. See if there is a large volume to any one particular number. Check his phone to see if there are any he forgot to erase. My FWH had a ton on his that I read at D-Day. You want to find them before that, believe me.

Snoop his car. Some waywards are craftier than others. You may find a second 'affair' phone.

GPS on his car. Pep has already recommended it and she's right in every respect regarding this very powerful tool.

DO NOT LET HIM KNOW YOU ARE SNOOPING. DO NOT LET HIM KNOW ABOUT THIS WEBSITE. If/when you find something, come here first and we'll help you with what you need to do next.

Do you do the shopping? If so....purchase a prepaid visa card while paying for groceries. They sell them in the checkout line. Then use that card to buy what you need. He will just think you overspent so LOOSE THE RECIPES.

oh, thats a good idea Luvs, thank you I do the shopping, although he comes with me alot (another effort from him) but it wouldnt be hard for me to just go get some stuff during the week while he's working.

Maritalbliss, I can get access to the phone at night after he's gone to bed. Thats usually when I check, on nights when he goes to bed early and I'm not tired... if I'm able to obtain the phone keylogger, that will likely be how I get it onto the phone, is to stay up late one night.

Yes, Android is the operating system on the HTC Inspire. Basically there are 4 smart phone platforms...Apple (iphone), Android (a wide variety of phones/manufacturers), Blackberry and Microsoft.

thank you Faithful, I dont understand this stuff, and that makes it much easier

so, if I'm not going to tell him about my coming back to this site and posting, I only have about 1.5 hours left to answer all your kind responses before he'll be home and I'll have to leave it till tomorrow. Just dont want you all to think I walked away from this mid-conversation

Where does he keep his phone when he's sleeping? What does he do with it when he's taking a shower or using the bathroom?

I understand you might not be able to respond until later

marital, he leaves it on the counter next to the house phone so he can charge it at night. As for shower/bathroom, showers would be at about 4am before leaving for work (and i'm asleep) and the bathroom, usually its in his pocket or just sitting on the side-table. He tries to show me what he's doing sometimes when he picks up the phone, because he knows I am now aware that he was carrying on this relationship right in front of me because of the privacy of a cell phone, but when I have my moments of distrust and insecurity, I can stay up late to check his phone after he's asleep.

I still have about an hour before he'll arrive home

Got it. Okay. I would scour the phone records. He is very aware of your potential for checking his phone, so he may be using it and being very careful about deleting calls. Check the records and get the spyware for the phone.

Don't forget to check for a hidden second phone.

I dont know if I can get access to the phone records, past the summary phone bill. I dont think he even knows the passcode to stuff like that anymore, we dont use them because we have one of those bundle plans... I may have to dig through some very old emails of his to see if there is a passcode to the records online, which i cant do till he's in bed because he uses his gmail account all day from the phone (we talk by email all day)

sometimes you can reset the password and it sends a text to the phone.
so just make sure you have it in your possession before you click that button!
then you can delete the message, and have a new password...

are you a good poker player? Are you going to be able to keep a straight face and not divulge your methods?

Good luck with him tonight E!

I would never have thought of that, thank you

and no, I'm a lousy poker player... in fact, my husband teases me all the time because I am such a terrible liar, he can always tell when I'm trying to hide something... but since its highly unlikely anything like this will come up in conversation that will cause whatever changes he detects in my face/mannerisms, I think I should be okay.... just as long as we dont talk about the issues between us lol

Click on the Carrot/Stick link in my sig line. It is a "cliff note" version of Plan A.
Read then ask questions on your own thread.

Thanks I have it bookmarked to read through tomorrow... some of these useful threads are quite long so I'll need to make sure I have enough time to read through it all

are you reading?

trying to, LOL there's just soooo many threads and they're all novels in themselves.

I'm struggling to put it all into perspective in terms of my situation, and trying to understand the time frames for these plans and such, I'm hoping that reading other's experiences and the advice they were given will help me understand which plans to do, and how long for, etc etc

or maybe I'm just trying to set a timetable that cant be set...? I just know that this feels like its been going on forever and I'm just wanting to feel like we're moving forward. i dont handle limbo well, I guess...

Step 1 -- spy. learn what you are dealing with.

Step 1a -- work on your side of the fence -- clean up bad behaviors, demonstrate good marital behavior, willingness to meet husbands EN's.

Length - 2 weeks.

Then evaluate. Or if you discover evidence sooner come here and we will advise.

Yes, you are spinning your wheels trying to answer an unanswerable question. In the meantime you are losing valuable spying time.

You can only control YOU. So make your plan and follow it.

Today should have been spent collecting your spy gear.
You need the cell phone spyware PRONTO.