THERE IS NO OTHER ANSWER BUT TO COME CLEAN AND TELL YOUR HUSBAND!!

OM IS A DRUG AND YOU ARE AN ADDICT.


Rehab is following the MB plan. read the steps to the plan and follow them.

Step one is no contact and you can't even take the first step so you are not in rehab.

i feeling like crying and killing myself

If there's nothing wrong with it then what's all the fuss about telling your husband?

Your husband is not your pet. He has the right to know the truth about his life and make decisions about what relationships he wants to maintain and those he chooses to maybe protect himself from.

Besides without honesty...your marriage becomes a sham and not worth anything anyway. You tell him because it gives YOU the best chance at a happy marriage.

Mr. W

if i tell him,he would kill that guy,or kill me or kill himself...literally,he keeps a gun....last time when i told my husband he said that he would drill a hole in the head of OM,how do u want me to tell him.i would be crazy if i do that.

That is why i am still married to him

If you are serious you need medical attention and/or to call a suicide hotline. THIS forum is not for you.

If you are NOT serious...then you are very cruel feigning a suicide threat on an anonymous forum where the good and caring people can do absolutely nothing to help you because we don't know your name nor where you live.

Mr. Wondering

You do realise that you are a married woman and what you are doing is wrong, don't you? Otherwise you have not googled and found MB.

You also realise that you need to get this thing straight with your H, otherwise you wouldn't have asked how you can leave the other guy.

So, this is real simple - if you want the POSSIBILITY to have healthy relationship with your H, then you have to leave OM, and tell your H everything. He has every right to know what is going on, this is his life, too.

I can guarantee that finally telling the truth to my H ended the mess in my head when I was you 2 yrs ago.

This is a lie otherwise why would you risk your soulmate schmoopies life by continuing to see him. Nice try though...attempting to paint your husband as some controlling abusive jerk. That doesn't fly here because we know that abused women don't have long term affairs as it generally isn't safe to do so. They just have an affair and leave. Another problem with the story is that you already told us the YOU are an abusive liar....so why should we believe an abusive liar that wants us to help them justify and rationalize continued abuse of and lying to their husband?

Mr. Wondering

i am a medical doctor myself and when i get such thoughts,i take some antipsychotic pill and then i feel better.

ok now i really dont know why i am here coz instead of helping u are telling all sort of nonsense stuff to me,why would u belive me.

well my husband hasnt abused me physically but i know that he is an emotionally person and telling him would result as i mentioned.

and plz mr.wondering stop being so rude to me,it hurts

The problem here is not your H AT ALL.

You came here.

If you were a medical doctor, you would know one or two about brain anatomy and how addiction works - OM is your addiction. Rehab works without substance use, so this is how you do it, stop using it. If you want to do what's right in your M, you stop all contact with your OM for good and come clean with your H.

While the Marriage Builder's website cannot become involved in threats of this kind, please know that your pain is taken seriously. Please contact a suicide crisis center in your area, call 1-800-SUICIDE or call your family physician.

I am saving this because, medically, this makes no sense.

you are a medic and are self medicating??.........here in the UK there are rules about this.....

is the US different?

That's referred to as "lying by omission". In some ways it's actually worse than outright lying.

Sunnya, there are so many things about your post that don't make sense to me, so I'm not going to spend a lot of time on it trying to figure it out. So I'm just going to say my part and be done with it.

If you're a doctor, then you know what the treatment for addiction is: Complete and total abstinence. People who engage in affairs are like addicts in that they are addicted to the other person (OP). So the answer is simple: Put the OP out of your life completely and forever.

Also, if you're a doctor, you should know better than to self-prescribe medication, and that suicidal ideation is not helped by posting on an anonymous Internet forum.

I suggest that you seek professional help - both medically and psychiatric - from trained practitioners. NOT yourself.

Good luck.

If you don't want to be real wife to your BH in every sense of the word, do him a favor and leave...but leave your child with him. Your child should not ever be exposed to the OM.

If you are afraid of your husband hurting you, get yourself to a women's shelter and leave him a note to confess your affair. If you want the marriage, ask him to get help for any anger issues and to please forgive you. Tell him you are willing to be fully accountable for all your time and totally open with your life. THEN, you live a life completely free of any other emotional entanglements.

In any case, you should end all contact with the OM until you get yourself straightened out.

Your OM does NOT really care about you or he would NOT be interfering in your marriage. He is just stringing you along and hoping to get into your pants at some point, if he hasn't already done so.

You must not really care about OM or you would not do anything to risk his life as you are now doing, as someone else has already said.

You may think your BH doesn't know anything, since it seems that you are gaslighting him (lying to him...yes, not telling him anything is called lying by omission), but I can tell you this: If he doesn't know or suspect anything right now, he WILL in the future. You will let something slip that will raise his suspicions, and he WILL find out. You may think that you are being a good wife to him (cheating is NOT being a good wife), but he will be able to figure out that something is wrong by the way you act...just as I figured out why my cheating, gaslighting WH was treating me so badly.

Everything I've said is based on the possibility that you are telling the truth and are not just a troll.

Are you from a non-English speaking country?

OK, so it looks like you came here not for help, but sympathy. You won't get much of that here because sympathy alone only results in enabling this bad behavior.
Take a look at these:
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5037_qa.html

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5037b_qa.html

The first step for your solution is to never see, talk to, or be with the man you are not married to. It is painful, yes, but not as painful as letting it go on. Deal with the pain of withdrawal, get antidepressant medication for this time, and just do it! No contact of any kind and fight your own self-pity during withdrawal. You are unable to make any rational decision while you continue this affair. Realize that even now you're not happy, and you never will be with a split life like you have. NEVER.

Hi Sunnya,

I realise you are feeling very confused right now and want support. I see from your first post that you want to stop feeling guilty and have tried in the past to do right, breaking contact for seven months.

How did that feel - to do the right thing, while it lasted? Can you tell us honestly?

If you did it once you can do it again.

If you get the support of your loving husband, you can make the next break with OM permanent.

Then you will have given your marriage a real shot, and will have nothing to feel guilty about any more

I call your husband loving, because he forgave you once. Give him credit for this. Give him the tools and knowledge of what you learn on here to help him this second time. Get him on this forum where people will help him cope.

As a Betrayed Spouse I can honestly tell you I would have loved it if my WH had had the honesty to tell me what was happening and if he had handed me the power to do something about it.

Take care.

First of all, as a med professional I am appauled at your behavior (taking antipsychotic pills). What pills exactly ARE you taking and why?

Your line of reasoning is the only psychotic thing I see around here, because you go from saying how you simply cannot help yourself from being with this cad of an other man, to that your husband DOES NOT DESERVE the truth because you deem him unable to accept it or that it will make him hurt. Then you claim you feel that you are wanting to kill yourself or worried he will kill you.

Seriously, what would advice would you give a patient, if you are a doctor as you say you are.

Would you tell your patient to continue lying to their husband, and risk obtaining a sexually transmitted disease by sleeping around? After all, you should know that when you sleep around you're sleeping w/ everybody that your other man/affair partner has slept with. And I'm suuuuure he's a man of wonderful character, this affairmongering man right?

Would you tell your patient to take some antipsychotic pills? Or would you advise her to CLAIM her part in this and decide TODAY whether or not she should continue to lie and physically and mentally endanger her husband by carrying on this immoral affair or that she should take active steps to end her horrible addiction to this sad affair situation?

Which is the wiser route to take with your patient doc?

So in closing, my question to you is this. How will you heal thyself doctor? My guess is your current approach of self therapy (which isn't advised in the hippocratic oath) simply aint' workin'.

Restore your sanity and honor by coming clean and cutting this immoral cancer from your life. maybe you'll understand it if I put it in those terms.

Own your actions, be a grownup, stop blaming others for YOUR problems.

Nothing about an affair is good. It is all a huge lie, a deception, and if you spend enough time on this site, and actually READ about how an affair begins and why, you will see it is NOT a love affair, but an evil addiction that rips the honesty from your soul and your life from your hands. It will rot you from the inside out.

The only person who can change this course is you. How dare you presume you are all knowing and know what is best for your husband, who is CLEARLY in the dark about everything pretty much. He deserves the right to be happy and decide what HE WANTS TO DO WITH YOU AND THE MARRIAGE. You didn't ask him when you began screwing around did you? Did you?

Own it. Change it. WOMAN UP.