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Please do not make these speculations on threads. Notify the moderators if you have any concerns.

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See above.

So doc...what is your recommendation for yourself? Hoping you'll step away from the crazee pills and woman up.

Beautiful, gloveoil. Thank you for that last response to this post. It is so helpful and hopeful to hear from someone who pulled out of an affair, has rebuilt their life, and can look back on the nightmare mistake that it was and the damage it caused. Maybe there's hope for my husband.

As for you, sunnya - you will never find true or lasting happiness in selfishness and destruction.

Hi,
i am in serious serious distress,please help me,i am getting psychotic.i will narrate all my problem.



I am a married for 4 years to someone whom i liked,atleast that is waht i thought You still like him. You just want an excuse to cheat on him. So, you are making up reasons to dislike him. You are focusing on every single little nitpicking thing he does that might be negative, so you can say, "See, he does THAT, so I don't LIKE him."



yet for these last 5 years i am constantly in love with someone else B. I have been cheating on my husband, by spending time with another man, instead of investing my time and effort in my MARRIAGE and with my HUSBAND.


i have off and on emotional affair with B for this time,he is realy nice and caring we are in love,
We spend time together, we tell each other fanciful things, and we make sure to be on our best behavior toward each other. This is by no means a REAL life, mind you. We lie a lot about what we are like inside ourselves, and we lie about what we think so we agree with each other. We lie about possible future plans, and we lie about how terrible our spouses are.

it was off and on coz i had told my husband once while i was feeling guilty as if i was cheating, Because I knew I actually was cheating, so those feelings of guilt were EARNED.


then it was for several months that i didnt talk or contact B,then he came again in contact Which I knew was WRONG, but I enjoyed the ego strokes he gave me, and of course the fantasy and the process started again.


now i dont know what to do, Actually, I know what I "should" do, but I really don't "want" to do that. Doing the RIGHT thing isn't really what I want to do. I prefer doing what I want to do, because, mainly, I am pretty selfish when it comes to what MY feelings and MY needs are.

B is too caring and supporting really, I say this, but how would I know? After all, B has never been responsible for supporting me financially, meeting my needs when it comes to being a husband, like my husband has to. B has never had to see me when I am a roaring witch and don't get my way, and when I am disagreeable, for example. That's because I always put on my "Miss Perfect" face for B. My husband has to deal with the REAL me.

while my husband thou says that he loves me is of exact opposite nature of B. and if I gave a single thought about why this might be, I might realize that my husband is dealing with a person who is supposed to be his WIFE, but who is actually so self-absorbed that she is running around worried about meeting the needs of ANOTHER MAN and not those of her husband. This so-called wife is focused on herself, and figuring out how to spend time away from the marriage, away from her husband, and is not one bit interested in IMPROVING the marriage and meeting the needs of this man she married.

i cant again tell my husband that i am having an emotional affair coz that would mean really hurting him and then he would never trust me. If I read this out loud, I might realize that I already AM hurting my husband, because I have spent YEARS focusing on meeting the needs of another man, and not giving my own husband any credit, any love, and any effort. I have also not told my husband about my affair and therefore I have robbed him of any chance of possibly CHANGING anything about the marriage that might POSSIBLY make the relationship between the two of us any better. Why? Because I want what I want, and this means that I must BLAME my husband, and keep him in the dark.


i cant leave my husband coz i care for him and know that he would be devastated if i leave him which really means that I am USING my husband - and that my husband is actually meeting MANY of my own emotional needs, and my selfishness will not allow me to compromise any of that! no, no, no!!! and i have a child with him and my husband just might use this affair - justly so - to fight for custody


At the same time i cant leave B coz he is my soul mate, which at one time I think I might have thought about my husband... thou at present he cant marry me reasons: NUMBER ONE because I am already married....NUMBER TWO because my "soul mate" is a big fat liar and I am in denial about this, and have been for about five years now, but I prefer to be blind to this. but he says that if i am in his life i can be of good to him. I think that I might read this out loud again, because if I am right, it says,

Quote

if i am in his life i can be of good to him

which means that my affair partner is not only a liar but also USING ME. OMG he is using me.


i found this forum and though u guys might help,i know tht all of u would say that leave B which I KNOW I SHOULD HAVE DONE ABOUT FIVE YEARS AGO and this and that which means that I need to tell my husband and repair my stupid mistake but the problem is tell me how i can do so,i really and too much into him I am afraid to tell my husband and I am also afraid that this OM is a liar and that I have been stupid for far too long, and that I have actually been USED for five years, what am I going to do???? ,if i stop contact,he comes in my dreams,he is definately my soul mate....how how how?
I have been a fool.




I'm pretty sure much of what I typed in red has hit you hard. I am trying to bring you out of the fog, woman.


Your affair partner is using you.

You have only one choice.

Cut off all contact. Dump the loser. Confess the affair to your husband and pray that he will forgive you.


Start focusing on your husband's emotional needs, and you will find out quite fast that your marriage and your husband are pretty great. You don't have much of a foundation to build on, though, because you have lied to your husband since before you were married, and your husband has no reason to trust anything you say or do. I will be honest, your husband may not want to try to save the marriage.

Either way, you need to dump your affair partner. After all, would you want to be with a man who finds it perfectly alright to have an affair, to break up a marriage? Because if you leave your marriage for your boyfriend


that is the man you are choosing. And YOU are not that special. My guess is that he is seeing other women, and you are trying to say you two are not having sex. Do you honestly believe this man has been celibate for five years??????


Please. He "cheats" on his soulmate already......

Marriage means absolultely NOTHING to him. And you want him???

Schoolbus