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Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 4
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Braley Offline OP
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Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 4
My husband left for an unaccompanied tour in Europe a little over 2 years ago. We had our issues in the years before he left, but once he got to his duty station things took a turn for the worse. We began fighting all the time. We were both making selfish demands, and to make matters worse he would get upset, hang up on me, and not talk to me until he had decided it was ok. I then found out he was having an emotional affair. I was heartbroken. I didn't know if I wanted to continue our relationship. Then he was deployed to Afghanistan. Although I didn't intend on it happening, I had an emotional affair as well while he was deployed. He found out about the emotional affair last October, and both of our affairs have been over for quite some time. Things were better for awhile, and it seemed like we were both working on making our marriage better and stronger. In the past month it has taken a turn for the worse. I admit I am not always calm and respectful when talking to my husband about issues, and I am working to fix that. But he is very angry and has now decided my requests and concerns about some of the things he is doing are just me trying to control him. He has been spending alot of time with another couple, sometimes spending the whole night at their house without even letting me know he intended to do so. Then I found out that the wife calls my husband whenever she and her husband get into fights so that he can give her advice. This bothers me for two reasons: the first being that my husband has expressed to me his physical attraction to the woman, and the second reason being that our own marriage is in trouble and he would rather get in the middle of their issues and help them. Now my husband has started spending alot of time with a widow over there. He goes to her house for dinner quite often, and once he stayed all night and told me they just sat and talked. (My husband was with hers when he was killed in action.) I understand him wanting to help her, but staying all night? I feel disrespected. Now my husband claims I try to tell him who to be friends with and as a sort of punishment has changed his passwords on everything he has online so that I can't see anything he is doing. I refuse to fight fire with fire so he still has access to everything I do online. I also have been staying at home almost all of the time unless I go spend time with my family. I guess my question is am I out of line to feel disrespected by the things he is doing, or is it considered controlling behavior asking him not to? And if my feelings are valid, what can I do to change the situation? I am miserable. I have read "Fall in Love, Stay in Love," but as of right now I am the only one trying to put the pieces of our marriage back together.

Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 258
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 258
You'll probably get more replies over on the Surviving An Affair forum.


FWW?
no children
D-day Sept 2010
Divorced requested by BH Jan 2011
Separated Sept 2011
OW discovery Oct 2011
Divorced 2012
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 230
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Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 230
It sounds like he is having an affair or thinking about it seriously. Download desktopshark to your computer. Its free and it will let you see what he is typing. Just go to desktopshark.com You also need to read His Needs/Her Needs. Ask him if he loves you and still wants to be married to you? No matter what he says, you must convince him to go to marriage counseling with you, in the meantime....try to meet is Emotional Needs. You both are doing things that are detrimental to your marriage and are not meeting each others needs. Get help before its too late!


WW-30
Me BH-35
OM-1 EA/PA for 2.5 yrs
OM-2 EA/PA 3 mos
Married since Nov 2002
DDay-April 4th, 2011, DD#2-four days later
DD-3
Working on recovery

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