I still need to eat something, and when I come back, I'm going to reply to some posts. I think I'm going to start backwards this time though.

Beginning with....




Hunh?

Lol well you sounded so down MJ, that I thought it was a problem that needed to be dealt with when I started my last post.

Then you sounded so much better in the second one, that the depression problem seemed to be solved. I figured you just needed a boost, and the OWH calling you and treating you so nice was the ticket. so ..LOL Well Problem solved.

At least that one anyways, which was the one that bothered me, because you were down.

So I have come to conclusion that you are a people person. Would you say that was correct? You like people, and enjoy being around good ones, who treat you with respect,and can be trusted to have your back when you are in a place of weakness.

I am I right about that? Because what seems to be working for you, is being around good people, and occasional reflection, as you work out the details. Good news, thats the way to go, and your doin fine, even though there are times....

Right now it is a tough time for you, a lot of heavy stuff, but you are going to do fine in case you are wondering. Allways here to build you up sista..

Looking forward to our MB get together if we can ever pull it off someday.

Ah I had a bunch of stuff posted, but I lost it lol. here is what I saved.


Yeah, one of my wives friends, a girls who sang for our church, and who didn't seem to mind dragging my wife into drinking once a month when she felt like it, eventually hooked up with another guy in a church band, and took him away from his wife and children. We spent a few nights with them staying at our house, the young girl shattered, and his wife also really messed up, and the two boys, well you can imagine.

Romans 6
1 What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin, that grace may abound?

2 God forbid. How shall we, that are dead to sin, live any longer therein?

3 Know ye not, that so many of us as were baptized into Jesus Christ were baptized into his death?

I guess they are also the loose christians that think they can bargain with God. what kind of example were they?

It was the WAY my wife used good people of God to pick her up after she messed up, that eventually made Christ death of no effect.

Hebrews 6:5-7
King James Version (KJV)


5 And have tasted the good word of God, and the powers of the world to come,

6 If they shall fall away, to renew them again unto repentance; seeing they crucify to themselves the Son of God afresh, and put him to an open shame.

7 For the earth which drinketh in the rain that cometh oft upon it, and bringeth forth herbs meet for them by whom it is dressed, receiveth blessing from God:

Yeah well, it won't work, not really, I don't care how many people want it to, you can't make deals with God, or make up your own religion, devoid of the laws of nature. They are only fooling themselves.

Thats something we have in common MJ, we both seemed to jump into the fire on # 2. My wife had locked herself in a bar with someone before she was ever pregnant, and I still went after her. I could have left, I shoulda, but I thought I had something to prove. well lessons learned..

Yeah clue him in MJ, just be careful, you saw Paul Rudd in 40 year old virgin right? Lol.

Ok, I'm back. I took C.P.'s advice and chilled for a bit. Had dinner and conversation with my kids. All lighthearded, and I was laughing so hard I could hardly breathe. We all needed that.

And now it's late....hahaha....I'll do my best. I love this place. I just wished there were more hours in the day.



Ah, now I get it. You know what that was? That was pure adrenaline pumping when I wrote the post about the OW's BH. Not a high because someone found my conversation pleasant, or vice versa, which it was. Although, I will say I didn't hate it.

As you are aware, triggers of any of the wayward kind, can send you back to a place you DON'T want to be. It was sort of an information overload for me, and I'm glad I hurriedly dumped it out on here. There's more, but those were the main points.

I feel that the conversation was necessary, just to ease my mind that the BH knew of stbx's involvemnt with his wife. Although the conversation answered some questions for me, it also created more questions.

The reason OW gave BH for leaving, was not because she was seeing someone else, it was another very selfish reason, imo, IF it's true. BH said his two kids, a daughter in college, and a 15 yr old son at home. OW left the home, BH, and son. BH and OW are still friends, and I wonder, really wonder, if she snowed BH. What if she gaslighted him, just like 99% waywards do. They were married for 23 yrs. He's in the service and was gone for 2 years. He seemed convince there was no affair. No one could have told a lot of us either, without us finding out for ourselves........

For the record, it only took me about 30 minutes after I wrote that post to decide that meeting BH would feel too wierd for me right now. However, if he wants to talk to me some more, I probably will on the phone. When I googled him, it wasn't hard to find his name. It was all over the place actually. He's in the service, and there were pictures of him, but I was having a problem locating him by phone, until today.

I can't say that I'm not curious to at least meet him, it's just too wierd for me right now. I think it's because I wouldn't want OW and Stbx to have anything to talk about. You know how those waywards just love to cling to each other when the "mean and vindictive" spouses compare notes.

Heck, I really think BH just wants to hang out with me. He mentioned that he'd like to talk about fun stuff. So, hmmmm....I wonder if there's any record here of BHs and BWs hooking up after divorce with the stbx's spouses....lol....that would be too wierd.








Yes, yes, and yes. I am definitely a people person, when I am respected.

I remember when stbx and I had a party at our old house a long time ago, I was in the kitchen making dacquiries, with a bubbly, happy attitude, and a smile from ear to ear. Stbx was outside watching me from the window. He told me he got the impression that I liked entertaining, because it made me happy. He was right. We use to enjoy those times, then he went to AA and completely checked out on me.... For a long time, I avoided alcohol completely. That didn't help.

But I do enjoy being around people. When stbx left, I shifted in my conscience somewhat about being present with people, and the amount of compassion I have for us all. So I believe I enjoy people a lot more now than I ever did. I think it was a life changing experience. I'm compassionate with boundaries for myself. Great place to land.



Thank you CP. I appreciate the encouragement, and support.



Me too! That'll be "when", not "if".

We're going to have the best variety of music, that's for sho.

This divorce board will have our own version of the "MB Weekend".

Good morning Fred.



Thank you so much for that Fred. We certainly are appreciative.



I couldn't agree more. This has been a healing place.



I'm really, really looking foward to the day when the pain fades to the point where I don't think about it daily upon waking up in the morning.



That warms my heart more than you know CP. I even felt a pang of compassion for stbx when I read that. I want God to heal all of us.

I have to go into work today. I'll try to post some more later.

Thank you for the encouragement and support everyone.

That day WILL come, MJ. I guarantee it! Just stay on the path, look out for your daughter, and keep on doing "the next right thing."

And oh, I found it very helpful to pray for forgiveness. Forgiving my WxW was probably the single most liberating thing I've done throughout all this.

Hey MJ, did you go out of country or something?

MJ, ya know that day will come. I remember forever I'd pray for a day when I would not think about my sxwh A... I don't remember the time frame, it was a long time- but it was less and less till one day it wasn't, I do remember telling him not long before he left I could finally have sex and really enjoy it again bc thoughts of his A didn't creep in or I didn't HAVE to have music or a drink to aide in distracting me. This was NOT long ago, that took four years. I fully believe this will be the same, there will be a time where I wake up and dont think about my sxwh and I believe this for you too. We will get through this and it will get better!

Hey you all,

Thank you so much for the encouragement, and checking up on me. I'm really anxious to get back on here, but I am so busy, for reasons I can explain later, that I simply can't right now. I miss you all, and feel terrible that I haven't been around for all of you.

Take care my friends. Back soon.

Perfect Checkin MJ, just wanted to know you were ok. TTY whnever you have the time.

Nice post and message BTW HF

I'm dropping in for an update. I hope everyone is surviving, and thriving.

The first week that I stopped posting, was due mainly to the fact that I was working non-stop, in my free time, to get all the stuff done that needed to be ready for the support hearing that was scheduled for July 21rst. I was working on it until the last minute. When I wasn't working on the divorce stuff, I was playing hard too. I felt like I was burning the candle from both ends. Now..I'm just playing hard.

A frustrating part about this update is that my hearing was cancelled, due to my attorney being over booked that day, and it has been rescheduled until Aug. 25th.

I'd like to make a few comments about the last few posts from Fred and HavingFaith.........

We were talking about forgetting the past, and looking forward to the day that you don't think about it anymore. I really appreciated the comments telling me that that day would come. I knew it was true, because it was already happening, just not as fast as I would have liked it.

It seems those days are coming for me. I've been enjoying my life so immensely, that he's barely on my mind. I rarely think about the stbx anymore, and when I do, it's usually triggered by the fact that our divorce process is still going on, and there's still some minimum communication regarding the bills, etc. I'm getting to the other side, and I couldn't be happier.

I have a lot of you to thank for that. For being such a great support to me during the dark times. Now that I'm getting to a better place, it hurts to say that being away from the board has actually been good for me too lately.

I'll check in from time to time, and try to give the same support I was given. See you all on the threads.....

Hey MJ, it's good to read your update! Sorry that your hearing was postponed, but just think, it could be worse - it could have been cancelled!

I haven't been around much lately, either. My candle has also been burning on both ends, but not between work and fun, but between trying to find work, evicting the deadbeat I "rented" my basement to, and trying to sell my house.

The only "fun" I've been having is my running, and just this morning I started out on one, got about 50 yards and my leg (thigh) muscle just seized up on me. So, turn around, come home and rub/ice it.

A meeting with a recruiter early this afternoon.

We just have to keep on putting one foot in front of the other (even if our leg muscles complain!).

Ah Fred, I sure hope things turn around for you soon. It's time like that when your true character is tested. Or at least it feels that way. Hopefully there are things in your life that are good too. A friend told me recently that life is pain, so appreciate the good when you can.

Maybe that muscle acted up so that you would have sit and think about what to do next. Speaking of muscles, I started back to the gym this week, and I'm feeling it, and not in a good way.

It was good to hear your update too Fred, even though you might have wanted some different news to share. The good news to me and that you're still alive and kicking.

Its good that you are doing better and are so busy MJ, and are not letting the weeds grow around you. Sorry to hear about the delay, but am hoping you will use the time to compose yourself, so things wont seem so hard.

You sound good, and the absence must be good for you too, and helped with perspective.

Glad you are keeping in touch, I don't want to worry about you either, but believing the best.

How is your DD doing BTW? What is the prognosis? I will be praying for you as allways.

It's only "not a good way" because you aren't used to working your muscles and feeling them that way! Keep it up, and you'll soon know why people say it "hurts so good."

Plus, the added benefit is what the mirror starts telling you. I believe in the adage, "At 30 days, you begin to notice. At 60 days, your friends start noticing. At 90 days everybody notices!"

Hi C.P.!! How are you?

I think you know me C.P. Yes, I am taking the time during this delay to get my life organized, and composed. Time seems to be flying for me these days. So that's good too.

I am good C.P. I feel great actually. I'm happy. I'm working, playing, and am surrounded by some wonderful friends, and family. All good here.

Thank you for asking about my DD. Great news so far. She had her first negative test, and may only have to be tested 2 or 3 more times before they clear her for awhile. Yaaayyyy!!!!

And more good news....bittersweet actually. My 23 year old son just made a down payment on a house! I am so proud of him. "He doesn't want to throw his money away on rent". He offered 15K less on a house that he wanted, and the offer was approved. He's on cloud nine. I am so happy for him, but once he's gone, I'll have the empty nest syndrome going on for the first time. Part of me will enjoy not having to clean so much, but the other side of me will miss him terribly. We have had some great conversations, and he makes me laugh until I cry. I get sad just thinking about it.

No stbx sightings. So that's good too.

Starting back to school again in a few weeks. If I can, I may want to get some piano lessons in with my time. Not sure I'll have that much time for awhile, but it's something I want to do. I also want to spend more time with my family. So much to do, so little time.

Thanks for stopping in C.P. Take care.

Well Fred, it looks like it'll be another week before I can do weights again. I couldn't move when I woke up on Friday. Turns out my disc is out of alignment, and my muscle compensated for that, and is also pinching a nerve. I'm having adjustments done, and will do some light exercises this week. I'm truly bummed that I had this setback. I'll work through it though. My chin is up, usually....until I get up and it hurts.

You'll have to work out for the both of us right now.

Aw, I'm sorry to hear this, MJ. I like your positive attitude, though! "Having adjustments" sound like chiropractic to me, am I right? I've been seeing a chiropractor for about a year now, and the help has been phenomenal!

Hah! It's all I can do these days to do my own workouts. I'm just about to hit the sack early, because at 5:45 a.m. I'm due at the track for "speed work" (don't hurt your brain trying to imagine an old f*rt like me trying to run fast!).