Talk about working out. My DD is going to a gym with a trainer for the first time since she gave birth to hrt three year old.

She is telling me tonight about how hard he is on her. He is a family friend, and they go back a long way, and I know him also, he will not let her be a wimp.

So she is working on her abs also, and when a certain set of excercises came up to do, she said it felt like their were no muscles thier to do the crunch,(she knows she used to have them but)..and she said,"Well i used to be able to but it think since.."

He interupted and said firmly,,"If you are going to say since you had the baby I swear I'm gonna punch you in the head"

We can figure that one out right, blaming your little child for being out of shape? He must here it all the time, lol, but I doubt he is familiar enough with others to tell them he wants to punch them lmao.

He pushes her and her friend, and he knows what they can do, but when they complain he says,"You know, I know your saying words, but all I hear is WAH WAH! WAH!" Funny I knew he was gonna say that when she started the sentence I kinda finished it, its what I would say too.

But now these are young people, under 30, who are not as old and broken as us, (or at least me), and can afford to push themselves. I am going to also, when my membership comes back from the Y, and I get into the machines. But i will trust someone and pace myself, because I already know how much damage I have or can do to myself, if I push to hard.

Broke my shoulder in therapy after have rotator cuff laproscopy and now its pinned and lost use of shoulder

Kept getting up on the horse every day with a broken foot for 3 years, pushing through the pain, even on those nights I could not sleep, to bring home what it would take to feed my family. I had learned to deal with cronic pain since I was 12 with that injury, but there should have been a limit, again pushing to hard.

All kinds of messed up body parts that hurt just to walk, lol, WAH WAH WAH!

Then there was supporting a family alone without the help of my wife like it should have been. There was a pain that has left scars that I don't expect to heal, and thier is no pride or honor in that. Just more prideful and vain foolishness, that I was not a quitter, but the cards were allways stacked against me, and I kept coming back for punishment.


So MJ, take care of your frame, and chiropractors are great, along with lots of reps of variuos type, yoga, before and after stretchs, meditation.

Remember the bady is the temple of your soul, be good to it and take care of it and it will do the same for you.

God bless

hey... checking in on you...hoping all is going well?

Yeah MJ,

Hope you're doing well. Keep those sails full!

Hello C.P., H.F., Itsa, and the rest of our Survivors!

I've had so much I've wanted to share with all of you, but I am just too afraid to post, while I'm still in the middle of my divorce process. Mainly because I don't want to give the stbx any info on me at all.

I will say this....The support hearing that was held on Aug. 25th, definitely was in my favor. It was also the first time I had laid eyes on stbx since January, I believe. I personally thought he didn't look so well. It looked like he'd gained some weight, his hair was a lot more grey, and he looked tired. I, on the other hand, thought I had looked better than I had in years. I know that sounds conceited, but it is what it is.

A very good friend of mine made me a "Angry Chick" c.d. with a bunch of songs that I listened to the whole week before the support hearing. I also listened to it on the way to court that day. I was pumped when I arrived, and I thought I handled stbx's lawyer pretty well.

I am surrounded by great friends, and the ties I'm building with them has changed my life. I haven't ever been this happy in my life.

I'm back in school as well.

My kids are doing great. Both of them should be closing on their houses in the next month.

Itsa, I have been keeping the sails full! Some of my friends just took me on a 3 day ocean race over the Labor Day weekend. I had a blast. Dolfins followed beside our boat. I felt like I was on a roller coaster, sitting on the bow sprit with my friend. That was fun. It slowed us down in the race, but we didn't care. It was a blast. Especially when you start with Bloody Mary's before noon.

I have so much going on in my life right now, it's hard to keep up sometimes. I'll have a book to write almost, when the divorce is final, and I feel like I can speak freely.

I am going to trial with stbx the 2nd week of November. I've been told it can take up to 2 months after that to get the final judgement. I'm looking to be divorced by the end of the year.

I still want to do the MB get together.....

I hope you're all living on the bright side, or are on your way there. I've made it to the other side, and I'm thriving.

Love you guys! Thanks for checking in.

Going through the big D really is an ongoing struggle but the best thing is looking for outlets that could get you filled and take your mind of from that form which just is ruthless.

I mean, if you already went there and things fell apart, you could either try it out again or inevitably move forward. Let's face it, you already called the shots but still problems went underway. There are some who would try it again but for most, the process is already that daunting.

So pleased that things are going well for you MJ and I'm reading your happiness clearly between your lines. I go to trial a little after you but I am also trying for a summary judgement to see if we can bring it forward so I might finish before you. XH has strung this out for 3 years since my filing (5.5 years from discovery).

Like you, I'm enjoying every day down to the last drop. Isn't life just great?

MJ,

Seems a few of us'ns have been in hiding. I was on checking out the boards, and wanted to drop by.

Hope you're well!!!

Lol....

You're quick Pep.

I love that you and Mel, and all the others, are still handing out excellent advice here. I still read quite often actually. It's very therapeutic for me. Folks understand like no other here.

And I'm good thanks. Pretty darn happy actually, with the exception of my financial situation. Still working part-time and won't be done with my bachelor's degree until next summer. I've been trying to get a full time job, but it's a tough market out there right now.

I was reading a post on here, and I decided that I wanted to respond to that poster. Only I had changed my name to MyJourney back when I was starting a new chapter, and accidentally logged in as Mopey. Sometimes I think about going back to the Mopey screen name.

I've been dying to come on and catch up, but have been afraid to. I'm in love again, and I met him after the divorce was started by my exWH, but the divorce wasn't final yet. How and why we met is the hardest part to tell.

My exWH moved out in Oct. 2010, met his latest (serial adulterer) affair partner in March of 2011, and filed for divorce a few weeks later. I had intel on him, so I was very aware of who, what, when, and where. My girlfriends still laugh hard to this day about my intel abilities.

During that last affair, I tried to find the OWs husband, but gave up only after a day or two. Four months later, my conscience got the better of me and decided to try harder to find the OWs betrayed spouse's contact info so I could confirm if he knew of the affair or not. Turns out he did know. They had already been separated since Oct. 2010 as well, and he was "dating" her when his exWW met my exWH. Confused yet?

When I called the OW's BS to confirm if he knew about the affair, I wanted to make him feel better by telling him what I learned about need meeting, etc. While talking to the BS about MB, we ended up hitting it off and met the very next night for a drink at a sushi bar. He met my need for conversation, etc. etc. etc. like no one ever had, and I allowed it. I justified it with the fact that I had been separated for 9 months, and the divorce was what I wanted. I was already healing and pretty happy by that point. I thought why not? Even though I knew it would have been wiser to wait a few more years. We've been together ever since.

Honestly, I would have preferred to meet this man after the divorce was final so I wouldn't have had to wear the WS hat while waiting for the divorce to be finalized.

He was one of those BSs who he says would never have gone back with his ex-wife, he says, once she started seeing another man. I believe that about him, but of course I would never be sure as long as I was in the picture. His ex-wife is still with my ex, but not happy I'm with her ex.

This guy I'm seeing, the ex-BS, will tell you our relationship isn't about revenge at all, and I agree. We're pretty crazy about each other.

I'm truly sorry if I've disappointed you all here. I am very happy though. Maybe I shouldn't be, but I am.

So how's that for an update Pep. Wasn't expecting that were you. I wasn't either.

Thanks for the update.

When was your D final?

Approximately 15 years ago, I went to a family reunion. Most of those there were a lot older than I was. I met one of my Mom's distant cousins whom I'd never met before. They had arrived to the reunion in their camper, having made the trek from Arizona to California. An adorable older couple who loved to collect American Indian artifacts. After awhile I asked them how they met each other. They looked sheepish for a moment, then told me basically the same story you just did. Their spouses had an affair - with each other - which ended both marriages. This couple met trying to console each other. I think they'd been married more than 20 years when I met them.

See there? You failed to shock!

Hi BH.

My divorce was final March 2012, but the settlement wasn't final until Nov. 2012.

The guy I'm seeing, his divorce was final in March 2012.

"Sheepish" is exactly how I feel when I tell that story.

Our relationship feels normal and good, but every now and then I get bowled over by how bizarre the whole situation really is. However, I find this person so incredibly compatible and amazing to me, that I look past the how bizarre it really is.

And like your story Pep, I've actually heard of a few more like it since my relationship began and we've opened up about it. Seems like the ones we tell, have another story like it to share.

Does he know about MB?

Do you think you will introduce it to him?

He does know about MB. I introduced it to him from the first conversation. Within the first month or so of knowing him, he read HNHN, and Lovebusters.

Five months into our relationship, we filled out a ENQ. We POJA everything.

The MB concepts work so well with us, the relationship feels almost effortless.

That is wonderful to hear.

POJA is the silver lining.

Does he have kids? Will you be a blended family?

He and I both really appreciate the benefits of POJA. We were very compatible from the start, so that also made it easier for us.

He does have two adult children. His son is 18 and graduating this year. He received a scholarship to a school in South Florida and will attend this fall. His daughter is 21 and is attending a college in west Florida. Both are great kids. My son is 24 and my daughter is 25, and we all get along pretty well. It's nice.

I suppose if we get married, we would be a blended family. I will need to read up on what Dr. Harley says about those. We have both mentioned the desire but it's not something I, and I'm guessing he, are ready for. I don't think I will be until I feel more financially independent. That's my goal.

So far, no one has stepped on anyone's toes, or sacrificed anything so I guess we're doing something right. I think it's the POJA and the fact that all of our kids are busy, and us as well, and are happy moving forward with our lives.

He kids actually encouraged him to date before he met me. He was going to look into online dating. Apparently I caught him before he got that far.

Well that's actually good that all your kids are adults and out of the house.

I have a ton of radio clips from the Harleys on blended families.

Dr. H says there is a high failure rate with blended families and so it can be discouraging.

BUT, Dr. H says that POJA is the answer and that the "step" parent shouldn't be the disciplinarian.

I think where all your kids are out of the homes (or very soon with his DS18 off to college soon) you will be able to strengthen the relationship.

If there is anything you would want me to link for you, just say the word.

Well thank you very much BH. If you have a favorite link, I'd love to read it. I will take the time to find out what I can.


Thanks for mentioning this. I actually do remember reading that somewhere on here. I've kept it in mind, and neither one of us discipline each other's kids. It does help that they're grown.

Having young children in blended families is tough if there is no POJA. When my children were growing up, my ex, their stepdad, would discipline them every now and then and I hated the way he did it. It did cause trouble. But that was also because my ex refused to POJA with me. I even mention POJA in my sig line, it's so important.

Btw....

Moderators, thank you for moving those posts for me yesterday.