in�dif�fer�ence/inˈdif(ə)rəns/
Noun: Lack of interest, concern, or sympathy

I think I've probably been residing more in Plan FU recently. I will try to make the switch to more of Plan Indifference.

It's pretty hard because I'm so angry. Saturday I picked up the kids and she asked, "How was your flight?" Like I really want to make small talk. I ignored her.

Okay, so I was pondering the slippery slope from flirting to EA. I think most waywards think a little "innocent" flirting is no big deal. And the next thing you know, they are emotionally entangled.

About a year ago, I read an email from WXW to her cousin after meeting OM while on vacation at her cousin's house. The email read:

"Say hi to my new boyfriend. It's probably a good thing he lives in London." Clearly, they had met and hit it off and were flirting heavily right from the get-go. But I think WXW didn't think she'd destroy her family over it.

Then one time I discovered a letter WXW had written to a screenplay awards show. In describing herself, she had become disillusioned with moving to the suburbs and being a homemaker.

She even mentioned how this hum drum life might lead someone to an affair.

This was three months before she met OM.

Which leads me to think that :

1. She DID set out to have an affair. At least subconsciously.
2. OM could have been anyone. The opportunity just arose with this guy.
3. Since OM could have been anyone, their relationship is doomed.

Their affair IS doomed, BECAUSE OF THE WAY IT STARTED AND WHAT IT WAS BUILT ON.

Flirting is a manifestation of WEAK boundaries which is the corner stone to why someone has an affair. MOST people DON'T go looking to have an affair, and it seems to them that it just happens. It was because of all of the small choices that they made up until that actual moment. It is ALL because of weak boundaries. Someone whom is married, should NOT allow a member of the opposite sex to meet ENs, PERIOD. End of story. When you do, you open yourself up for the possibility of an affair.

Of course it didn't matter about who OM was, he was just there, and he had weak boundaries as well. Nothing more.

Coming up on two year anniversary of D-Day: The day that will go down in infamy. So here's my two year progress report:

Divorced and losing our home to a short sale.

I am moving into a new apartment this week in Atlanta. WXW and kids live with her parents on Long Island (1000 miles away). I am trying to relocate to NYC, but for now visitation is expensive and very difficult. Fortunately though, I am able to Facetime (Snipe) with the boys every day.

WXW got half of 401(k) and cashed it out.

I've acquired about $25k in credit card debt. WXW about $10k.

I still think about the affair every day and every night, almost obsessively. I just can't believe it happened.

I've met a number of women recently. Last time I was single, I was a twenty-something, insecure mess. Now I'm more confident and in great shape from the infidelity diet. One of the fears we BS's have is the fear of being alone. I no longer have that fear. But I do wonder if I will ever be able to have such strong feelings of love and trust for another woman. So in that respect, I could be alone for quite some time.

I look forward to a year of rebuilding.

We officially closed on the short-sale of our home today!

A huge weight has been lifted.

Congrats !

Thanks, Pep!

Coming off a nice weekend with the kids in Manhattan. I was there on business and they were able to spend a couple of nights with me in my fancy-pants hotel. They got a real kick out of it.

Now it's back to Facetime (Skype for all you PCs out there).

WXW sent me an email this morning. It was a picture of an art project our youngest son created.

At the end of the email she said, "Are you alright?"

I did not respond.

Good for you. That's none of her business.

Just sent WXW the title to her car. Now all resolvable issues are complete.

Currently in Plan B: I have not spoken to her verbally in about two months and have been very brief and business-like in the few email correspondences we have had.

My philosophy: "If you don't want to hear lies, then don't talk to a liar."

I also now have a great apartment, and my boys are coming to visit this Wed - Sun!

Finally...whew!

2 years post dday.
6 months post divorce.

You've come a long way TE but it's done. There's nothing more to do but get on with YOUR own life. We told you that you'd make it and you have.

Where's the apartment in relation to your boys? In relation to downtown' where you can resume a social life all your own?

When's your 40 birthday? You should have a party for yourself, TE Act II.

Mr. Wondering

Thanks for everything Mr. W.

I feel pretty good.

I am far from the boys, but even if I was back in NYC, it would be difficult to see them much more often as they live with WXW parents way out on Long Island.

I am able to Facetime (Skype) with the boys almost every night before they go to bed.

My apartment is in the heart of the city, within walking distance to some really cool bars. And to the park too.

This past weekend I flew to NY, rented a car and drove out to Long Island to see my kids. My ex-inlaws allowed me to stay at their house with the kids Friday night. Ex-wife slept in the next room. It was very awkward as I am trying to Plan B her as much as possible.

Saturday night I rented a hotel room and took the kids there. We had a fun time "Just Me and the Boys." I flew home Sunday evening.

Every time I see my sons it costs upwards of $1000.

You can't "Plan B as much as possible." You either Plan B, or you don't.

Why don't you move closer to your children?

I agree. If I wanted to reconcile, I would be completely dark.



Currently looking for job in NYC.

I respect the fact that you have limited contact with your xWW. I just wanted to ensure that any new person rading would understand that you aren't actually in Plan B. There is already too much unnecessary confusion over how someone can and can not Plan B.

Just spent the weekend in NY with my kids. Stayed at my ex-in laws again. It's a pretty strange situation:

Ex-in-laws still love me very much. After WXW went to bed Saturday night, I stayed up and listened to oldies music with them. It was nice.

WXW tried to engage me in small talk several times over the weekend, but I pretty much ignored her.

WXW, the kids and I went to Catholic mass Sunday at the behest of my ex-in-laws. During the "Peace be with you" part, WXW and I did not acknowledge each other.

WXW and the kids drove me an hour and a half to the airport. I talked to the kids but really didn't speak to WXW.

Like I said, it's a pretty strange situation.

Sometimes I still can't believe this all happened. I really believed we were happily married. I often wonder if WXW ever loved me as much as I loved her, or maybe she just married me because she wanted to have kids by the time she was 30.

None of it makes any sense.