..... to be continued ......

Very interesting Pep.

Interesting time in church on Sunday last - Rick Shelton. He spoke about 'natural laws' like gravity - what goes up must come down. Said the 10 Commandments were like God's natural laws - break them and therer are inevitable consequences.

Oh boy, can I relate to this. Here's my firsthand account.

In my last conversation with POS-stbxh, I asked him, "What happened to your faith, your integrity?"

You see, it was only a short time ago his library was FILLED with Promise Keepers books, How to be a Man of Integrity, etc., etc. It was only a short time ago, that this man took 2 weeks of vacay every summer to attend a mission trip and chaperone youth at Centrifuge. This man was a youth Sunday School teacher. This man was a coach at a christian school.

His reply to my questions? "That man is dead. Being a Christian is too hard."

Yes he did. So I suppose it's safe to assume that he has sold his soul to be a father and affair partner. You see, we are not even close to being D, and he has moved OW, her 2 COM and OC in with him. We moved 1600 miles away from the affair location and by golly if he didn't move her here. (I was gaslighted for two years.)

And his eyes that day....he once had the most gorgeous blue eyes. I will never forget how they look now. Gray, cold, callous......It was like I was staring right through him. No depth, no soul...........

I shutter to think of the destruction that is certain to come his way. My God is a jealous God. There is no way he will let this man continue this lifestyle without judgement.

Thanks Pep and Mr.W for your posts. In addition to reading Dr. H's viewpoints, I am grasping for others to fully explain the mind of my wayward and these posts have helped immensely.

Mr. W, here is the clip of Mark Hall defining a "slow fade".

Just to pick nits here, anger itself is NOT a sin. If it were, God would be a sinner, and I don't think that is consistent with the nature of God which is holy, without sin.

Examples of God displaying anger: Psalm 7:11 and Mark 3:5.

Believers are commanded to be angry, Ephesians 4:26.

We are cautioned, but do not sin.

Even Christ displayed anger at the money changers in the temple, John 2:13-17. Yet he was without sin.

The Bible cautions against SELFISH anger. But being angry at injustice or angry at sin seems consistent both with the nature of God and how he teaches us by his example.

Today's sermon was about "guardrails". Known around these MB parts as boundaries or extraordinary precautions.

Just my notes:

Pornea = Greek all-inclusive to sexual sin; fornication, adultery, homosexuality, bestiality, incest, polygamy, and children.

Why is it dangerous?
1. Sexual sin defiles your body and damages it's ability to fulfill God's purpose.
2. Grieves God's spirit.
3. Forms a stronghold for evil in our lives. (which leads to death)
4. Can bring a curse on you, your partner and or your children. Generational sin is passed down through the family.
5. Can give evil spirits a foothold to influence your life.
6. Can bring spiritual confusion.
7. Can cause emotional confusion.
8. Causes lasting memories and images.
9. Can produce unloved or unwanted children.
10. Can expose us to sexually transmitted diseases.
11. Can destroy marriages and families.
12. Can lead to unbridled pursuit of lust and perversion.

Once a boundary is gone, everything else seems OK to try and experiment.

Sexual sin is idolatry and self worship.

I love this Pep. It is so very true. I've seen this played out over and over again in the lives of people. They end up with a heart of stone. All because they gave in over a small thing. That small thing can open doors that may never be shut without Godly sorrow and repentance.

I choose to live like a child (in a way) under my Father's protection. He WILL remove that protection if I choose to walk away but it won't be because it's HIS choice, it will be because it's MY choice. I believe that God will chase after us for a time, but ultimately He won't go against His own nature and allow us to remain protected in our sin. This was what I worried about when my husband went wayward. That he would be lost forever. This is why I prayed often that God would break him or allow him to be broken.

There comes a time when there's no going back and I imagine it breaks His heart.

All because we let one small thing in.

I have been trying to understand this because I can see my WH trapped by this sin. I am trying to find out what part of the affair fog is deep routed in sin, and not just chemicals.

I pray incessantly for GOD to break my husband, for my husband to feel us in him. Deep down I know my old husband is in there. Today he is a monster, and that is a kind word for him.

What shocks me the most is my own denial of how bad it could get. I never realized how adultery can take a man so deep into sin. I had a delusion my WH would never abandon his children, or throw his finances into the gutter, or literally pretend his former life of 16 years doesn't exist anymore.

That is what has shocked me the most about this sin - how far they go from their old selves and their old lives.

What also shocks me is how many Christians today give up on these kinds of people. They state, "They will never change, they are a lost cause, how could you be with someone that does that to you."

That is where I struggle in my own personal recovery - when do you let the deep routed sinner go and give up on them? What I learned most about this adultery is I am actually quite patient, forgiving, and commited. As you read in my signature line, many of the previous posters inspire me to continue praying for my wayturd.

I am trying to take the stance the worse off they act, the more betrayal they dish out, the more lies, deceit, and crap they throw out there, then the HARDER I NEED TO PRAY.

It feels counterintuitive to do this because there is a huge part of me that wants to give up, and completely run in the opposite direction. There is a huge part of me that feels I deserve 10000x better, and sometimes I believe "Maybe they will never change."

Then I find hope somewhere in me, and keep the faith going. I decided if the divorce goes through, then I will decide what path I take then. Right now I am still his wife, and still committed and devoted to my marriage.

I look at my WH today like a murderer or a thief. The reality is he is in the same mindset, and the sin is the same. I can understand how his heart is hardening, and how he lost himself.

There are hundreds of saved marriages on this board, and prayer was the one thing behind them all. It is truly the only way to combat sin.

Tough~

One of the blindspots in churches I've been a part of is that these guardrails have been condemned as an ungodly practice. Supposedly the Jews began the idea of adding new restrictions to keep them from even getting close to violating God's laws, and they took this too seriously until the fences became the laws themselves -- and I guess we are not supposed to be like that.

Personally, I don't want to see how close I can get to the cliff and how far I can peer over.

Here are the ACTIONS to remember: (from my sermon notes)

1. You are not alone. (seek help)
2. Freedom is found in the truth.
3. Break the chains of sexual sin. Repent and surrender. (bring it to God)
4. Fight the battle daily.
5. Pray continuously.
6. Be proactive, assertive and intentional with doing the tight thing.
* Set up controls on TV and computer
* Get rid of the trash
* Seek help and counsel
* Set up relational guardrails
Guardrails:
a. Don't travel alone with members of the opposite sex
b. Don't eat alone with members of the opposite sex
c. Don't hire cute members of the opposite sex
d. Don't confide in or counsel members of the opposite sex (can lead to EA/PA)

The pastor specifically mentioned how clergy must strictly adhere to these guardrails because so many clergy fall into sexual sin when they do not follow these rules. (they think they are safe because they are clergy)

Incredible, heartbreaking truth. I have experienced this firsthand.

Love this thread

Bump

Reminds me of the scripture..

" I will take the heart of stone and make it into a heart of flesh"

Don't know where it is located in the Bible but I remember it as God promises to do that when we give our hearts over to His care.

Awesome post Pep

Ezekiel. One of my favorites.

The hymn "Jesus Paid it All" references it, IIRC.

This whole thread is relevant to an epiphany that came to me recently regarding my own decent into snowballing sin. It's so crystal clear now that I have a hard time understanding how I didn't see this before. I keep repeating it in different ways to our DD12 in hopes that she will understand now what I didn't back then...

Here it is: My problems really began long ago in my teens [ ] when I decided that:

God didn't really mean what He said.

What I mean is I allowed myself to be deceived into thinking that premarital sex was okay -- that God didn't really care about that since the world had so many other bigger problems -- war, famine, murders, etc -- that sex was loving, so He couldn't really have meant that outside of marriage it was wrong -- especially since "times had changed" and all.

I let myself believe that lie for so many years, and I can see very clearly how that "one little lie" [in reality a HUGE WHOPPER] permeated my being and gave way to my believing other lies -- I let evil have a stronghold in my life -- all because I thought I could decide what God really meant MYSELF -- instead of believing God could and had already spoken for Himself.

Today I am just so thankful [and awed] that I was given a second chance to get it. I will never stop letting others know that God meant every word He said, and what a blessing that really is to all of us.

Mrs. W

Your DD is 12 ????????? Already?
How did that happen?

I KNOW, RIGHT? 13 in November!

Of course, even though she has grown up immensely, Mr. W and I haven't changed one bit!

Mrs. W

Mrs. W, I think as former waywards and even as BS's we can see sexual sin more clearly as destructive to heart, mind, body and soul. I had this conversation with my DD 19 just yesterday. I wish the realization would sink in with her. I told her I didn't want her to go down the path of personal destruction I went as a young person and how disgusted I am by my past behaviors. Obviously not all of my attempts to teach have been succesful since we have a lovely 4 month old grandson. I continue to try to teach.