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Try looking at the positives and stop with all the judgements. The time to discern whether or not someone will make a GREAT partner is during the dating period. Someone dating might make a personal decision that he/she will not date a smoker. Or they cannot date someone who does not enjoy dancing. Or someone who has annoying personal habits. This is not the same as making judgments about a person's basic goodness as a human being. To look at only the positives and ignore the negatives in a particular spousal candidate is something I would never advise.
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Look at this logic .... has been doing it less because he is with me and I fulfill his needs and he feels appreciated for the first time in his life. Using this logic, if there comes a time, say 5 years from now, where he is feeling unappreciated .... the cross dressing may increase? Also ..... I am such a conservative women Do you anticipate a basic change within yourself? Please explain this (below) .... do I learn to trust and live life or run away from this too? What does "trust and live life" mean? Where does that co-exist with looking at data and making a decision based on concepts and principles? If you determine something is not right for you, is that "running away" ? 
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Sorry to see such judgemental attitudes here. With all due respect, one is supposed to be "judgmental" when they choose a marriage partner. That is the purpose of dating, to use one's judgment to select a suitable partner. We are supposed to be able to "judge" right from wrong. And if she can't "judge" that someone is a kook, then obviously she will make a bad choice. Being "nonjudgmental" is a shortcoming, not a virtue. The inability to judge does not make one wise or empowered, it cripples their ability to navigate life because they use no discretion in their decisions. Our prisons are full of people who cannot judge right from wrong. And that is right where they belong.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Strikes me that for this man the dressing is sensual rather than sexual. A sensual man........what a lovely thing. And it strikes me that a man who puts on ladies panties because his mommy didn't give him enough attention is a kook. I can't see what is "sensual" about that. 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Thanks to all for the posts. Interesting to see the responses.
I had to walk away for a few days because some of the posts were just so negative. This is the entire reason why this topic is so taboo. I am not familiar with the topic that is why I am asking the question. Amazing to see it hits people so differently.
We had another great weekend and we did discuss this topic again. I explained to him how I feel and that I wonder if there is anything else he is not telling me. He promised me that he wanted no secrets in our relationship and that is why he told me now for me to decide if this is an issue for me. He knows that I am not totally cool with it but trying to understand it. He appreciates that I am somewhat ok with his "condition" (his term). I will ask more questions as suggested by your posts. Again, he is letting me decide if this is too much for me and he understands if I can not date him anymore.
Thank you to those of you that have an open mind about this. You know, we all have issues. Some of us more than others. I think dating someone that is addicted to drinking, smoking, drugs, sex etc is more harmful than this "condition". I just have to decide if I can overcome this one.
The question was asked of me if I like to dress up. Yes! And I think that is why he loves dating me because I can go from working all day to a work out to wearing 4 inch heals and a dress. He loves how I look and tells me I am beautiful everyday. Never had someone really do that before. It is nice to be told that everyday.
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Justhope,
I think that crossdressing is probably just the tip of the iceberg of things you don't know that this man does. It is easy to keep secrets from each other. I, like Tanam, have known many cross dressers, some in strait marraiges and some not. The ones that were in strait marriages for the most part were in open relationships. IMO, the cross dressing is a symptom of something bigger and a taste for the kinky and bizarre in regards to sex. And, many times it evolves into open marriages. I would wonder if he were bisexual.
My DH and I still have a few cross dressing friends, and they're great guys. But, I'd never be interested in dating a man like that.
And, do you really think if he's cross dressing and hitting the local scene and having some fun with that he's going to tell you all of that?!?
Me: 30
Him: 39
Together 5 years
Married the very best man in the world 04/06/2013 after being common law for too long. I'm a lucky woman.
7 Cats - Viscount Ashley of Leftfield, Pawkie Petunia, The Timinator, Leo the Lionheart, Fruit Snack, Cloud, and Barret
And our very lucky pony, Starbucks
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Again, he is letting me decide if this is too much for me and he understands if I can not date him anymore JustHope, have you asked yourself why he did not tell you about his "condition" sooner? Like, BEFORE you were emotionally involved? He waited to be honest. Which means, he was deliberate in his fooling you early in the dating process. To me, this is a HUGE  .... Now you must be honest with yourself. If you learned this about him BEFORE you had feelings for him, would you have continued to date a known cross dresser? Be honest, with yourself. Truth is, you were tricked.
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ITA with Pep. That was my first instinct as well, that he thinks it is OK to lie/keep things secret SOMETIMES. Because he should have told you about this much sooner, no question. Again, he is letting me decide if this is too much for me and he understands if I can not date him anymore. Did you see what Pep posted to you earlier about POJA? Have you talked to him about POJA? I assume from the above quote he is telling you this is not something he is willing to give up...which means he will not POJA it with you. Understanding that we ALL have issues as you stated, if there is anything that I have learned from my sad sad M, it is that I will NEVER marry someone again who has problems with 1) honesty and 2) POJA. Because that means your M will be an unhappy one.
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Sorry for my not knowing this - but what is POJA?
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Police Of Joint Agreement. In short it means "don't do anything unless you are both enthusiastic about it."
One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger
I will not spend my life this way.
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Not only do I agree with what others have written, but him calling it a "condition" means that he would be able to use that as an excuse. HE CHOOSES this behaviour. Another red flag, IMVHO.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING  Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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Marriage Builders has been helping me for over 4 years! Thank you. For some reason I come back every year with a new challenge and you all help me - so thank you in advance for the next chapter in my search for a happy forever marriage.
History - 14yr marriage destroyed by my serial cheating husband. You all pointed that out to me in my state of denial. THANK YOU! He and I are doing ok divorced now raising kids 2 miles apart in separate homes.
I have a hard time trusting again due to him. I finally fell in love with a great guy that would never commit - you all pointed that out me - you were right again. I broke that off after 2 yrs.
Now I am dating a wonderful loving trusting guy that just wants to take care of me. I never had that before. It is really nice. He wants to move our relationship to living with each other then marriage if that works out. I thought he was moving too fast - I asked him to calm down. There was something that was not right - he was too perfect. I finally found out why I had that feeling. He admitted to me that he is a cross dresser. I had to take a step back. I researched crossdressing and his reason is because he had 2 sisters that always got the attention when he was little. He was married for 21yrs but was not happy when the kids grew up and they divorced. He says he is not gay and doesn't crossdress in public and has been doing it less because he is with me and I fulfill his needs and he feels appreciated for the first time in his life. I know there is no cure for this. I am such a conservative women, but do I learn to trust and live life or run away from this too? I could see growing old happily with him but is this something that can not be overcome? All I ever wanted was someone to share my life with! He does that for me - brings me roses every week (dating over 9 months)- and without asking he takes me to my six month cancer check ups. He would move the world for me if he could. What would you do? justhope, I am a little scared to wade into all of this, but I did feel some alarm over your posting and your reaction to some of the posts. In your original post, you mentioned your own apprehension re: crossdressing in a potential spouse, and at the end you solicited advice. In subsequent posts, it seems you are reacting more strongly - and negatively - to the advice given that's contrary to pursuing your relationship with this man. The discrepancy suggests to me - and this is only MVHO - that you are perhaps putting your moral compass on a sliding scale. The more ENs this man meets, the more your compass slides to accommodate the crossdressing. On the surface, that doesn't seem so terrible - I mean, that's how relationships work, EN-meeting. However, when it comes at the cost of compromising your beliefs - and, again, your first post suggests that the revelation of your suitor's crossdressing asked you to do just that - you find yourself on a rather slippery slope: one that becomes easily tangled and confusing, one where you can end up quite far from where you started. I could be totally wrong. I don't know anything about crossdressing, I don't know anything about the psyche to which it speaks (or not). I'm also only basing this off of your few posts on this thread. It does concern me, though, that you are going to make allowances that you fundamentally disagree with, and no matter how much "convincing" you do otherwise, you may wind up with another damaged relationship at the end of it all.
Me - 30 (FWW)
H - 30 (BH)
DSx2
D-day: 2008
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The more ENs this man meets, the more your compass slides to accommodate the crossdressing. EGG ZAK LEE He began meeting her ENs UNDER FALSE PRETENSES. Now that he has her "hooked", she does not want to give up the source of EN fulfillment, and she is/might be willing to move her moral/ethical boundary. He's emotionally snared her. Now her choice is to give up the good EN fulfillment or move her moral/ethical compass to satisfy his needs. I think she ought to call the RADIO show to ask this question. "I dated a man without knowing he was a cross dresser. He did not reveal this fact to me until he was already meeting many of my ENs and I had fallen in love with him. Now I feel conflicted because I am not comfortable with a cross dressing partner. Is the fact that he did not reveal this to me earlier a worrisome thing?"First, email your questions to Joyce at mbradio@marriagebuilders.com. Then, she will respond to you within a day by return email, and give you a toll-free number and specific time to call Dr. Harley
directly during the show when he will answer your questions about marriage
Last edited by Pepperband; 07/26/11 10:36 AM.
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