Even if he "has" to go on this trip, there is no reason why you can't go, too. You are an adult woman and can go anywhere you want to go. The idea that the company says wives can't go is wrong; all it means is that the company won't PAY for a spouse to go.

Yes, you'll have to pay for your expenses, but since he will be in a hotel room, it shouldn't cost anything extra for you to stay in the same room. If he's driving, it shouldn't cost anything extra for you to ride with him. If he's flying, yes, you will have to pay for your ticket. Yes, you will have to pay for your meals. Yes, you will have to arrange care for your children. However, that will all be much cheaper than a divorce!

Since this event appears to be coming up in a few months, cut back on your expenses and start putting aside money for your share of the trip.

Since you're short on funds, you can amuse yourself while he's in business meetings. You can go sightseeing, take books with you to read, take knitting/crochet work with you, etc.

You and your H can enjoy each other during his down-time. If a company doesn't care if a man spends time with skanks during his down-time, then it darned sure shouldn't care if a man spends his downtime with his wife!

hbd, you probably addressed this earlier, but he doesn't still work with the OW, does he?

Anyway, I'm really nervous about what is going to happen today. My H could lose his job for having an affair in the workplace and for not being able to complete the duties his job requires.

By the end of the day, we could both be jobless and broke with two kids to support.

This is supposed to be a "team building" event. Spouses are not allowed. All team members are to stay together "on-site." All activities, meals, everything is to be done together as a "team." They will even have shared rooms. Team members are not allowed to stay "off-site" either. Managers that live just miles from the event are not even allowed to stay at home.

With these kinds of company events, it sounds like getting fired may be the best thing that could happen for you ...

Agreed. He would never find anything comperable though right now and I'm going to have a very hard time finding a job in my field right now too.

This is supposed to be a "team building" event. Spouses are not allowed. All team members are to stay together "on-site." All activities, meals, everything is to be done together as a "team." They will even have shared rooms. Team members are not allowed to stay "off-site" either. Managers that live just miles from the event are not even allowed to stay at home.

Is he looking? If they work at the same company how will he avoid seeing her? And if she works there, he could easily see her at work by going to her building or vice versa.

This might be why you have an uneasy feeling about his truthfulness.

If his A happened at the workplace why didn't YOU tell them that it happened?

And, why would you show your WH that it is OKAY to lie?

Personally, I would send the exposure to his workplace myself.

Seriously, how do you KNOW that he doesn't ever see OW? Would there ever be a chance that they read an email the other has sent? Maybe even be in on a conference call together?

What you are doing here is allowing your WH to skirt around his consequences.

I still see a lot ot wayward behaviour from him, and now I see why, he is still a wayward, and will continue to be so until his actions have real consequences.

Are you even certain that this affair didn't just go further underground?

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Her building is 10 miles away from his...totally different departments (she's in mortgage collections, he's in auto loan underwriting). They have no chance of seeing each other or having any contact at all unless they contact each other on purpose.

Ohmigosh, those are terrible functions. I went through the Ropes courses myself at my last company and they are such a set up for affairs. It is just amazing this is still going on. You know how our first course was kicked off? GROUP HUGS!

WEll, we have facilities that are anywhere from 25 miles to 300 miles away and I see many of those coworkers at various meetings. Or they could just be attending a meeting at my building and I see them in the hallway. I work for a large company [250,000 employees] and I see people from different facilities, from different departments all the time. I get emails every day that include hundreds or thousands of employees in different locations.

I am not trying to scare you, but have you taken all these factors into consideration?

If your H's company has a no fraternization policy that would cause him to lose his job if they found out about the affair, why wait until they do find out? It has been my experience with workplace affairs that everyone usually knows and it eventually comes out.

WEll, we have facilities that are anywhere from 25 miles to 300 miles away and I see many of those coworkers at various meetings. Or they could just be attending a meeting at my building and I see them in the hallway. I work for a large company [250,000 employees] and I see people from different facilities, from different departments all the time. I get emails every day that include hundreds or thousands of employees in different locations.

I am not trying to scare you, but have you taken all these factors into consideration?

If your H's company has a no fraternization policy that would cause him to lose his job if they found out about the affair, why wait until they do find out? It has been my experience with workplace affairs that everyone usually knows and it eventually comes out.

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I would be worried if they were in the same group, but she in the mortgage group and he's in the auto group. There's no chance of any contact. EVER.

Just thinking out loud here. I hope your H's discussion with his boss will get him out of this, but that would not have worked at my old company. It was not optional. And if a person did refuse, they would have viewed as someone who was not willing to grow with the company. Our participation was part and parcel of our performance appraisals.


The other glaring problem I see that a) his company environment leads to affairs and b) the company trips are an opportunity to hook up with the OW.

How do you know the OW works in another building and has not been included on these company trips? My point is that if your H wanted to continue his affair at work he would just lie about all this. This might be why you have an uneasy feeling about his truthfulness.