I just found out that my husband of 15 years had an affair and I am devestated. I never thought that I this would happen and I dont have a place that I can vent. When I asked him about the affair and if he slept with her told me not to pressure him about it. I dont know where to turn I do no that he says he still loves me. Help

Well first of all, welcome to MB, the club that is the best to join, but sadly nobody wishes they had to join.

first of all, before we can help, we must know specifics. How old you both are, kids or no kids, who the ow is, etc.

We need to know the dynamics of what is going on before we can really offer wonderful help.

One main question, has your wh (wayward husband) committed to never contacting her for LIFE or is he still in communication w/her?

Sorry you are with us, you will get the best help here though.

How did you find out and do you have evidence or did he confess?

I am so sorry, browneyedgirl. In order to recover, you will have to know everything about her and he will have to agree to never see or speak to her again.

Who is the OW? Is she married and if so, have you told her husband?

I am 53 and my husband is 50 we have no kids the ow I have a name but have not been told he has slept with her started talking to her and Iconfronted him with the truth and asked him if he was in love with the ow. He says he is messed up in his mind and feels like I am pressuring him when I asked him He told me my nature is to fix things. The last I know he talked to her before he left for his job in Brazil and is coming back next week

I asked him when I confronted him and made him promise that he would never talk to the other woman. I believe that the ow is married and I sent a text message to her told her to stay away from my husband. I feel so for lack of a better word draind

How long are you married? And he wouldn't tell you if he slept with her. Is she married?

Does your husband travel for a living?

As far as pressuring him, you will have to do much, much more than that if you want to save your marriage. You will have to demand he end his affair. DEMAND.

I would get ahold of her husband and tell him. Can you find her husband?

Sorry to say it would be best to assume this is a full blown PA and that there is still contact.

You need to KILL the Affair. We can help you do this but first you need to make sure the OW's name you've got is correct.

If you have her cell phone #, you can look it up on white pages.com, they will text you the name the phone is registered to for a fee. If that doesn't work, you can buy a report at intelius.com.

Are they FB friends?

Please be aware that this is called *gaslighting* which is VERY typical behavior of a WS. Meaning he is going to turn things around on you and make YOU feel like you are the one with a problem.

The affair is the problem here, not you pressuring him or having a "nature to fix things"... Good grief!!

I believe Ih ave the name of the lady I have the cell phone bill and that is how I got her name and did a reverse phone look up and got a report of two different ladies

I am starting counseling tomorrow. I want to save my marriage and I dont know if I should pressure him or not his first wife had an affair and I asked him if he was trying to hurt me like he did her

He told me that I was a fixer of things by nature and when he thought I was pressureing him that he shuts down and said he thinks I know that I am so greiving

I need some help here

We gave you help. You need to expose to the woman's husband, your family and friends, your H's family and friends. And put AS MUCH PRESSURE AS POSSIBLE ON YOUR HUSBAND. DEMAND that he end his affair.

Really? Of course you want to fix this...your marriage is being assaulted behind your back by some unknown woman. I agree that your WH is gaslighting you. He is trying to throw you off the track so that he can carry on with his A. Do not believe anything that he tells you at this point.

I like that you texted her and told her to stay away from your husband. That shows that you have the courage to do what it takes to break this up.

Do NOT tell your WH about this site. It is your safe place for now. There are many experienced posters here to help you through this.

Take deep breaths.

Browneyedgirl,

I'm not sure how you found MBs, but regardless you are in a good place to find help. There are folks here that are terribly knowledgeable that will help you. Let me start you off with a few things, OK?

-First, calm down. Take a breather and know that this situation is not something that can or should be fixed in 48 hours. It's going to be a long haul. You are in an understandable panic right now, but you're going to have to get that under control, OK? How?

-Second, take some time and read the Basic Concepts on this site. Once you do that, the advice and help that you're going to get will make a LOT more sense to you, and will save you a LOT of time posting and hearing words that sound very counter-intuitive right now.

Try those 2 things while hearing what is posted to you, OK? You're going to have to have major patience for a time to allow for help and for you to gain a plan.

Sorry that you are here, but boy have you landed in a great place if this marriage can be restored, and if you are willing.

Read, read, and then read some more.

Yes, do NOT tell your husband (WH) about his site.

Prepare to listen, OK?

And, start reading.

Man Is this all hard I did send another text to the number to the phone number that I found on the cell phone bill and tole her that if she didnt stay away from Steve that I would tell her husband. Is that the kind of thing that I should be doing.

I am starting martial counseling tomorrow by myself hewill be back next week he works offshore in brazil. She is a Christian counselor So I need to read the basic concepts too as wel.