Hi RM

Tough isn't it.

I enabled my WH to continue his A for 5 years after I initially found out. 5 years of me trying to be a good wife while he had his buddy who he bonked occasionally.

It was hell. I only coped by becoming my own person and once I finally felt strong enough I took action.......it ended. I told him I was off, had had enough and wanted out, couldn't handle there being 3 of us in a marriage any more.

He begged and pleaded and so I stayed, the A was finally exposed to her H and he walked. The A has ended. H was relieved and grateful, he had been trying to get out of it for a couple of years but her drama queen / damsel in distress and his Knight in Shining Armour roles made it hard. He had a wishbone where his backbone should have been...........as had I for a long time too.

The bottom line, only advice I can offer is ACT. Do something to end the abuse, or you too could share my path.

Listen to the vets, but DO SOMETHING, the pity party is only OK for so long. Then maybe, like me you will get fed up of being miserable and act.

We are not there yet by a long chalk, but we are on the path to being better than we were. But he knows that if I find he is in contact.........bye bye.....and the destruction will be total.

For me, enough was enough.

When will you get there??

Hi Melody,
I have bought a VA and am using it, and installed a keylogger. I would really like to get access to her texts, but the iphone is encrypted and I haven't made any progress there. I am trying to agther evidence about the ongoing affair, and have only been trying for about a week. Once I have evidence I plan to expose, and this may well precipitate the loss of at least one of their jobs. Meantime I am trying plan A. I haven't really been committed to and trying paln A for more than a few weeks, before that I was guilty of using lots of love busters, angry outbursts, manipulative statements etc, so i feel that i am not very far into plan A.
I will speak to the OMW and see what she thinks about whether the affair is ongoing.
If i start DEMANDING, will I just drive her away? (she has said in the past that I am trying to dominate/control etc)
In all this I am very anxious for the welbeing of my 9 yr old daughter, and feel that it is better to live all together even if my ww and I are having problems. Maybe this is wrong too. I am maybe in a fog myself.

Tanam,
This is good advice. I have been doing MB for a few weeks now and feel i am getting somewhere.
If it was just me and the ww things would be easy to contfront and set an ultimatum, but I am so worried about our daughter, whom we both love to bits and the thought of being separated from her is more than I can cope with.
I think I am going to try plan A a bit longer, it might just possibly be showing some signs of success. Also gathering evidence if i can.
Thanks for the advice and support - appreciate it.

I don't think anyone should stay together for the children, they pick up on the tension and then they start thinking it's their fault.

I also don't think you should give ultimatums, other than he goes or me, you have 5 mins......decide.

So Plan A a bit longer, don't forget the stick side though. Don't make it easy on her to carry on. You can demand she ends the affair and prooves it to you too.

Thinkin of you.....off to my counselling session!!