I'm so sorry he is treating you so badly.
He either is a monster himself and was an egoist to begin with, r he is projecting his selfloath on you.

Please keep taking care of yourself! You are an intelligent woman - choose to look like one! Write hime a short and loving Plan B letter. That is the best you can do. Than deliver it to him looking as attractive as can be and than go underground.

God bless you,

Happyheart

P.S.
and in the mean time, treat yourself to a good attorney for the financial side of things, so that he can't spend any more of your money on her! And treat yourself to a facial and/or pedicure.

One of the toughest things to deal with when your spouse is cheating on you is that they take things that were special to you and contaminate them by sharing them with the OP.
It is part and parcel of the horrible experience.
Try to envision that this does not negate your experience of said things in the past.

I agree that you need to write a beautiful love letter (plan B letter) and you need to find somewhere that you and your child can sequester as you do what still needs to be done financially/business-wise minus any contact with your WH.

Retreat to a place of comfort and peace. There, you can get stronger and rebuild yourself and your family (you and child) and handle any arrows that make it over the castle wall toward you by your WH and his cronies.

Peace, tranquility.

Do not feed the tigers.

Keep coming here for support to make it thru this difficult experience.

Dear reading and happyheart,

I will consult the book again and will write a letter. Big, big sigh. Retreating to a place of peace sounds fantastic. The house situation certainly is not an I can�t get out of it for the next year. - I am trying to have a peaceful day for a change. It was the first day of school. I got complimented a lot on ow great I look (can hardly believe it). Wednesday I will have lunch with a friend. - Something to look forward to. But my head ache is awful again and I have badly snapped on my daughter in the morning. I must get better.

Thanks all for your support. - Btw, if I want to talk to the best, how do I do so?

I am sorry, but what plan are you in exactly? I went back a couple of pages, and it seems like you were doing Plan A, but now I don't know.

I didn't go far enough back to get my answer, when are you planning on going into Plan B?

Scotland,
I was doing Plan A. Actually had intended to continue with A for a while, but even Plan A is seen as me being a "monster".

Lola,

Having a public argument and slapping your husband is not plan A. Have you read the material here yet? Have you read the book "Surviving an Affair"?

AM

What actions are you doing while in Plan A?

When you say you plan on doing A for a while, how long is that exactly? A BW should do Plan A for 3-4 WEEKS. Then she is to enter Plan B. Your timeline seems to be longer than the recommended, why is that?

You do the plans regardless of reaction. All waywards demonise their spouse. He wont like anything you do WELL he wants you to screw up.

I think you need Plan B as of last week - get moving.

armymama, Scotland, indiegirl,
guess it was time to be told off, right? ;-) No, slapping and having a public argument is not part of plan A, but after 6 weeks or whatever I lost it. I am sorry, but there is only so much I could take. - The argument ha a good reason. Being absolutel disrespectful does not help.
Have I read material and book? Yes, many times. I am tying my best. Maybe I am not eben good enough for trying.

It means you are mentally exhausted. Go to plan B. Get yourself away from this situation.

AM

Its what anyone would do after six weeks, thats why there is a time limit on Plan A!

Plan B is very peaceful and it gives the A a chance to self destruct.

Are you ready for Plan B, do you have an IM etc?

I am completely exhausted and have said so. :-(
Do I hav an IM? - Not sure, what IM is. - I am certainly ready for Plan B, but will still work in the same office. So that�s my Plan B limitation. Big one, actually.-

You cannot see him at all in Plan B - you need to find a way to get out of that office and close that avenue off.

Can you work from home?

Can you take some time off and see a solcitor about your options to leave the company?

An IM is a go-between. If your husband has any financial q's etc, he sends the q to your IM, who then sends the info to you.

Critically she/he allows no personal messages - either of love or hate to pass. she is like a spam filter and only sends on facts.

If he ever wants to agree NC with the OW, he can tell the IM who will tell you.

This protects your mental state.

I forget if you have children? If so, you will also need an IM to oversee handovers of the kids as you cannot see him.

You must close up any ways in which he may contact you.

Close/change your email accounts (close, not change passwords or block - it must be a changed address or closed down)
Change your numbers
Do not answer the door to him
Block him on social network sites
If he pops a note through the door or posts you a letter - it goes in the bin unread.

If you go on like this allowing yourself to be smacked in the face by his infidelity everyday, you will end up in the funny farm - and then you wont be going into work anyway.

Get out now while you are still functioning.

Lola. MB does not work if you pick and choose parts of the plan.

Here is a checklist to help you prepare for Plan B. It is important to follow ALL the rules and get it right.

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2482787#Post2482787

Work on doing a STELLAR Plan A while preparing for the next step.

I know this is really hard. Hang in there. Understand Plan B and get it right.

All,
unfortunately it�s not a pick and choose, when it comes to work. The business is mine and my husbands. We are employing 450 people and are listed on two stock exchanges. There is no option for me to go. Maybe there will never be a Plan B for me. I don�t know.

Lola, Do you deep inside honestly feel that you can continue on like this? In 20 years from now, will you be happy that you chose "this business" over your emotional well being?

Is it possible to ever be at peace in this environment?


I'm not judging ...just asking.

You are limiting your view.
You CAN check into either having an off site office and go between for work issues or getting bought out of the business by someone. You can.

Matter of fact, if I owned stock in a husband/wife business and they were in your situation, I would prefer the betrayed wife did one of the things suggested versus tried to continue to function at the office where she was subjected to her cheating spouse. Seriously......it is in the stockholders best interest too! Think about it. Really think about it and try to do it.

1.Office at other site with go between
or
2.Buy out

I am spying a pattern here Lola.

You post a bit but then when people say your plan B is due, you vanish for a while.

Question: What would happen to the business and employees if your health deteriorated to the point (and it often does in Plan A if allowed to go too long) where you physically couldnt get yourself into the office?

You can wait for that outcome, but I doubt you would if you knew it was in the post.

I HOPE I'm wrong and you've been busy making Plan B preparations. I know it is tricky in your case.

Tricky, but not impossible.

Soon, maybe sooner than you think, it will come down to making Plan B happen, or needing psychiatric care. It really is that serious.

Two months ago, would you have thought you would illegally assault your WH? Risking arrest and the well-being of your children?

Where do you see yourself in another two months?

(I know where I hope I see you, two months into Plan B, and radiantly peaceful.)