"Space" - the final frontier. These are the voyages of the Starship Wayward.

I couldn't agree more. I know I love her but I don't know if it is worth the fight. I am just going to concentrate on myself and my kids. It is nice to find out what 12 years of sacrifice gets me. I always knew nice guys finish last. I thought I was doing what all women want but all that got me was a lack of respect. I will do some more digging around to see what I can find out. A VAR will be purchased after work today. I have all of her emails with the guy, I am tempted to put them on her FB. I am sure that will piss her off.

Whoa up, there, cowboy. As much as I admire your vigor for wanting to visually display her lack of virtue, hold off on that for now. We've got plenty of powerful tools that you'll be able to employ. You just need to get the goods first. We'll help you go from there.

Any suggestions on how to unlock her phone? It's is a iPhone 4. I have tried the methods I have found online but non have worked. Any suggestions on a good VAR and where to purchase one?

I can't help you on the phone - there may be help for you on the Operation Investigate forum.

As far as the VAR: I got mine at WalMart. Don't skimp and get the cheapest one - the reception was poor. Ante up and pay a little more for a better model (the first one I bought was about $20, if memory serves. The second one I bought was around $50.)

That is not very strategic. If you will get the goods we will help you with a better plan. The plan will serve you whether or not you decide to stay married.

Is this loser married? Do they work together?

I think there is a way to unlock an iphone4, go check on the Operation Investigate. There are several suggestions for a VAR. Additionally, I would add a GPS to her car if you can't get into her phone.

if you can get on her phone, you can install eblaster for mobile phones and it has a GPS. It takes about 10 minutes to install and is $65.

[quote=MarkA
It is nice to find out what 12 years of sacrifice gets me. I always knew nice guys finish last. I thought I was doing what all women want but all that got me was a lack of respect. I will do some more digging around to see what I can find out. A VAR will be purchased after work today.
[/quote]

I had quite a few "nice guys finish last" moments.

It's time to turn these 'boo-hoo me' thoughts into some proactive positive thoughts. I felt my attitude controlled a lot of the overall mood of my family. When I got tense and depressed, it was felt by everyone. I didnt like the control so I decided a positive attitude ruled. Most importantly a better outlook will send an important message to WW.

I encourage you to look at my thread when you have some time as some of the self doubt and blame certainly happened to me as well.

mike

p.s the most efficient, effective way to do this is to hire a PI to tail her for a day. You can get everything very fast that way. And you also need the OM's personal data, ie: marital status, parents names and #s, etc.

You can usually get everything you need in one day using a PI. And even if you don't want to save your marriage, you still need this information to help you in the divorce.

I'm sorry I'm late to this thread, Mark, but below is the recipe for the "Exposure Surprise" cake you will soon be presenting:

NEVERGUESSED'S BETRAYED HUSBAND SURVIVAL KIT

1- KEEP ALL THESE ARRANGEMENTS SECRET FROM YOUR WAYWARD WIFE!
2 � Put a keylogger on any computer you can access that she might use.
3 � Put �Flexispy� on any cellphone that she might use.
4 � Put a GPS on her car, reporting to your computer.
5 � Put a VAR in her car, and in any room she might use to take �personal� calls
6 � Get a mini-audio-recorder, and have it in your possession and �on� whenever in her presence.
7 � Put together an e-address list of anyone who might have influence on her � parents, siblings (sisters, especially), coworkers, college friends, clergy, hairdresser, anyone.
8 � Put together a similar list for the POSOM.
WHEN YOU HAVE SUFFICIENT EVIDENCE,
9 � Put together the electronic evidence for each AP.
10 - Write a cover note for your wife�s contacts, to the tune of: �I must unhappily inform you that my wife, XXXXXX, is carrying on an illicit affair with YYYYYY. I am hoping to recover our marriage, and ask if you have any influence over her, to urge her to abandon her cheating lifestyle and return to me and our family. Her cell number is 111-222-3333�
11 � Write a similar note to POSOM�s contacts.
12 � Send out both packages, to all contacts at one time.
13 � Brace yourself.

And some other things:

WWs (unless something like spousal abuse is involved) do not run "from" a marriage, unless they have a potential (apparently) better relationship to run "to".

EA + Time + Opportunity = PA

This is going to get uglier, my friend, before it gets better.

According to my wife there was emotional abuse. I was.controlling and didn't let her have any friends. I will admit that I have had jealousy issues. I have said plenty of things that I regret. I never physically touched her and I never would. My temper has gotten the best of me at times. She said it has made her life miserable for the last 12 years. I can only give so much with nothing in return for so long. I have tried every avenue to get her to open up to me but she refuses to. She zays we will never be able to communicate. According to her that is the reality.

I just picked up a.VAR, I will see if there is anything she is hiding.

"According to my wife"

My first comment...let the above go as WW foggy bulls--t that matters none. Blah blah blah.

My second comment is to implore you to read and follow the advice and plans ML and NG are steering you toward amongst others. Like now. Right now.

Be prepared she is hiding something- she is following the wayward script perfectly!

Oh, horse puckey. The poor little thing was so miserable and brutally abused by you that she hung in there for twelve years??

Ignore this pap, Mark. She is rewriting her marital history to accommodate her affair. More truthfully, in an un-fogged state, she would have to admit that she was happy in her marriage for the most part, and like every other marriage there were some bumps in the road. Don't get caught up in this fogbabble. When she starts whining about her terrible marriage, look at her kindly and say "I'm sorry you feel that way, dear. But I know we can tackle this together and rebuild a fantastic marriage!"

And don't get distracted by examining your past actions. I'm sure you weren't Husband of the Year every day of the week. Both parties contributed to the state of your union. Don't allow your thoughts about your past actions to derail what you need to do, which is to blow up this miserable affair and get your wife back.

Remember: Nothing excuses her choice to have an affair.

QFT, Mark,

Google "rewriting history" and then re-read MB's post maybe. Know the terms...they are NOT unique to your situation.

Educate yourself as #1 priority with the help of these people right here.

Any suggestions on where to hide the VAR in her car? She surprisingly had to run to the store to get a few things as soon as I got home today. It's funny because she was at the story with her sister already at lunch. She must think I am completely stupid. Now I just have to learn to bite my tounge.

See if you can find a spot under the driver's seat. You may be able to hide it above the brake/gas pedal, toward the bottom of the steering column. Also, look on the passenger side - there may be a place under the dash, to the left of the glove compartment. It depends on the car. Can you try it in your car first to determine where you get the best sound?

Use tape to secure it. You don't want it falling out! Velcro worked well for me.

If it has a center console there are usually cubbys that will pop out and there will be alot of room under them. My FWH hid his affair phone there.

It will be right under her right arm and she will never think to look there. Make sure you don't scratch up the plastic.

Found the perfect spot. It will be interesting to see what is there. Now if I could only crack her phone lock. Maybe it is time for video surveillance. At least now I have something to keep my mind focused on instead of arguing with her.

At least now I have something to keep my mind focused on instead of arguing with her.

You would not be the first BS to report feeling energized and reinvigorated by actually taking steps to fight the problem, as opposed to merely bemoaning it!

Keeping that safety belt fastened, dude - your ride is just beginning.