I think my parents would get on very well with you Tom! They didnt go as far as you suggest, but they did find her very amusing and wind her up a bit.

Indie: I'm so glad you started this thread. I don't post much, but have read your thread with great admiration, and I've drawn a lot of strength through your actions, postings and outlook on life. Softlad is an idiot.

Anyway, on point: I posted a month or so ago about seeing what I am sure is at least an EA occurring at work. I asked the forum if I should act, and most said yes. But when push came to shove, I couldn't pull the trigger, not knowing any of the participants (especially the likely BS) very well.

And after starting MB and excellent marriage counseling (who happened to be in line with everything I've learned here and read through SAA), I wanted to share sooooo much of what I was learning with other couples, but we never exposed widely because FWS ended affair on DDay and has been extraordinary ever since.

I still have a hard time getting together with my closest married friends and not lecturing them to SAFEGUARD their marriages and to stop doing love busters! Am thinking of sharing HNHN with some of them, saying we'd hit the customary 7-year low spot and how it changed our lives.

Anyway, I agree. It's hard to NOT see boundary issues everywhere you look.

Best of luck with your financial searches (posted on your other thread).

Thanks Sweetpea!

Hello Indie,

I don't know your full story as I haven't been on here much in past few months. I am just focusing on this thread of your's. While I agree that maybe a little more or less than 60% of married people have affairs, it doesn't advance the "in danger of" philosophy.

When all of us walked away from the altar we probably had a great deal of confidence we could keep our marriage the most pure and most sacrad part of our lives. I don't tthink that any of us envisioned that personal temptations or length of time could affect that. Then many of us come down to earth and realize that we are not being held up as that 'princess' who was irrisistable or that 'knight' who could not fall off his horse. By God, it only takes a few sarcastic comments from that 'princess' that you didn't take the gargage out last night to realize your 'white horse' ran away in frustration and that you are not on foot! Or, that the 'princess' comes to realize that her 'knight' doesn't have the strength or the desire to carry her to bed after a long day at the office, warehouse or whereever, and assure her that she is THE 'princess'

Point is, the vast majority of us are not princesses or knights. When we see the media 'crown' a 'knight' or a 'princess'....i.e., Kardashian, Cruise, or your choice...we feel that this aspect of society actually confirms God's or Christ's feeling that we are not quite worthy of His atention unless we 'catch up' and get on-stream.

Actually, whoever believes in this or succumbs to this could not be more wrong. Christ loves men and women who slog it out in the mud without much recognition. He probably calls them 'mudders'. I can actually envision Christ looking at them and telling them 'Help me carry this', as he sees them struggle with kids, finances, desires, relationip.

"Anyway, I agree. It's hard to NOT see boundary issues everywhere you look." ...sweetpea

Boundary issues in my opionion are mainlty personal and spiritual development issues. We are all capable of being better than we are in many ways. Younger or older. In my opinion, is it worth gritting your teeth over setting contact 'boundaries' as opposed to encourging persoanl change and deveopment where the desire to be fulfilled does not come totally from your spouse? I.e., developing intersts, knowlesge, skills and/or volunteering. This is where I beleive the Harley's fall flat.

To make yourself more appealing, more giving, more loving, would eliminate any of those so-called boudaries. So, sweetpea, have your H look into himself, and you look in to yourself.

Tom

Indie,

Anyway I hope you didn't take my last post as upsetting you. You seem like a very good person struggling thru your own situation.

I just felt really compelled for some reason I cannot explain to voice that I did.

The one I see in my mind now and the one I feel tremendously close to....yes Mary the Mother of God ..the one in the blue veil. Allright term me nuts, but not anymore than a wayward or a potential one would claim. She is a Mother and she desires nothing more than any of your with problems to confide in her. I know this is religious, I am not worthy to represent any0one, but is just my feeling compelled. It is unexplainable.

She will in some way probably kick my [censored] tonight before I get to sleep unless I pray at leaat part of her rosary, and I honestly feel spiritually we have this relationship, that I can kid with her and also honor her in prayer as any son could do with his Mother.

Take it for what is it worth, but my Mother would not want me to be unfaithful.

Tom

Nope, not upset Tom. Love all the insight on here!

Good lord, even the old folks do it!

Where I work is a transitional facility - it occurs between independence and assisted living.

We had a couple move in at the beginning of this year due to the wife's dementia diagnosis. Well, the disease process progressed, and she was moved on to the next stage of care.

Mind you, this next stage is on the same site. It's a separate building, just across the driveway.

For the past months following this involuntary separation, the H would lament to me how hard it is to be separated from his W after 30 years of M (second marriage for both).

I genuinely felt sorry for the guy. This is a process I have had to witness several times in the facility, and it is never easy on the mentally healthy spouse.

So, in the past week, 'ol H has been getting "friendly" with a "single" (likely deceased spouse) female resident.

I was giving meds the other night, and they were sitting on the love seat in his room.

As I'm prepping a med, she pipes up "Don't get no wild ideas! He's just a good friend of mine!"

Ugh.

90 years old, scammin' another woman's man (and he is equally at fault here), and still, STILL, spouting the wayward script.

"What did you do, HHH?"

Sadly, nothing.

In my position, I am bound by law not to interfere unless direct abuse by one resident or the other can be proven.

Oh, the wild world of the elderly, Alzheimer's, and dementia...

Why not take them at their word - then the next time the misus is visiting reassure her hes being kept company by his good friend oldbat!!!