Reading is right. She has no choice now

See she never got the plan B message, that this is what divorce will be like.

She thinks she can still eat cake

Get her the heack away from you.

She thinks she has your nuts in her purse, that you are hers.......

Keep reading you need to learn how to deal with this from a distance, and how you can get that distance

God Bless

Describe how she is forcing herself on you lostman.

Give us a couple examples to start.

We will help brainstorm ways to get around situations to strengthen your boundaries and allow for you to recoup from the heinous events.

Lost,

I am in Plan B, in a town smaller than 300 people and I found an IM. It can be done. I am telling you first hand that you need to do this and you CAN do this! I have two little girls and I did it for myself and them.

I cannot express how you get your sanity back after some reckless soul steals it from you, but going Plan B does exactly that!!

I have a close friend that WASTED 3 years of his life doing exactly what you are. He went through his dilemma 15 years ago and tells me every time I talk to him that he wished he would've done exactly what I am doing. He absolutely wasted 3 years of his life by allowing her to bounce back and forth into his life.

It is not worth the pain and suffering Lost. If our WW have no drive in fixing what they have destroyed then we must be men enough to distant ourselves from them. Let yourself begin to heal.

As reading stated; describe how she is forcing herself on you. Maybe we can help!

Yes

Well right now she has the kids Monday, Wednesday and every other weekend. Which means she picks the kids up from my folks and then i meet her and get them from her at 8 at night. Usually not that big of deal, except that i have to see her. Well now miss holy one is having a conscience about seeing the kids and is demanding to have them everyday after school until i get off work. Not part of the agreement.

Now this means several things. She cannot get to the kids until 20 minutes at the earliest after they get out of school due to work. This means that whatever sitter will still have to go to town and get the kids and then wait on her 20 min+ for her to get there for her to have them for 1 1/2 hours and then i will have to meet her everyday after work. NOT GOOD in my book.

This throws a wrench in everyones schedule all for her. She will not see any other sides of this. So Sunday she meets me to talk about this and she tells me she will take me to court to get her way. I told her to do it if she is that serious because i was not going to allow her to still have her cake.

Today she tells me she is going to get them no matter what since its 50/50 custody and i cannot keep them from her and that when they have a sitter she gets first dibs. How does that work. I need to get the papers out. Im ready to go to court to prove my point, or at least let her waste the money she doesnt have before i change. Im not being rude to her, although all i hear is my way or the highway. Excuse me hon, i have done everything that you wanted this year until after the divorce.

I dont know anybody that would IM for me as no one wants to see her. I have a lot of friends that want nothing to do with her.Shrug.

Lost,

I too have joint custody of my kids and Plan B is challenging with that. I have football practice every night and every other week I have to drive to another town for practice so I don't get home until 7:00. I am very lucky because my mother and father in-law are helping me out tremendously with the kids. My ww sister in law is our IM.

If you two cannot come up with a schedule the court will. It is in the best interest to do it yourself. I know what you are probably thinking and that is then I will have to talk to WW. I never did--NOT once!! You have to have a friend that will go to bat for you or a family member that would help you out.

When it comes to dealing with your kids hopefully your ww will do what is in their best interest (although having an affair never was). I do not like even seeing my ww. It hurts me! I miss her and then my mind starts going in a million directions. It is in your best interest to do everything in your power to make this happen so you don't continue to have all the emotional highs and lows.

I know EXACTLY where you are at--trust me on this Lost you are man enough to do it.

Inner. I have manned up and have handled everything fairly well. The Schedule was made and agreed on and she went to court, got the divorce and now all of a sudden she wants them more. Freaking irritating. I have MIL and FIL helping me everywhere as well. Out relationship has gotten much better out of this deal. They dont want to see her just as much as me. Not that they dont love their daughter, but they dont love what she has turned into and they can barely stomach seeing her as well. The IM will be the best, but its a pain in the butt and i need to do some thinking on this one.

Arrange for someone else (your folks, perhaps?) to pick the kids up. One opportunity for contact ended.



Don't change the agreement unless legally required to do so.



How did she get to meet you?

Let her know that the only time she should be talking to you from now on is either through your lawyers or your IM. You will be ignoring her calls, and if she comes to visit, you will not be opening the door, and you will be calling the police if she remains on your property.

Oh, make sure your children are also aware of the contact arrangements between yourself and your XWW.

Oh, and document everything. I'm pretty sure that, due to your XWW's spriral downwards to basket-case status, you will likely collect enough information to support a push for 100% custody.

MiM, i so wish i would i have documented more. I do have some going on. Meeting Sunday was a foolish mistake on my part, but the WW kept pushing me till she got her way. I never have discussion with her and she wanted to talk and persisted on and on. Letting me know i didn't need to have my defenses up and so on. I gave in. She has become extremely controlling and she cannot deal with it, when i dont back down. Everything is my fault when that happens. I may have to have my folks involved more. That really is a lot of me to ask as they already do so much for me anyway and they are not young pups. Everyone i know including me lives 5+ miles out of town in every different direction. some as much as 15. So now u may see what i will be asking of people if an IM is used.

Lawyer? Spend your money on the toughest one, and like Mim said, document everything, and I would carry a VAR.

I know you would rather strangle her yourself..but thats not the answer, and Gods consequences will punish her more than you ever could.

She is the wayward, and you are the faithful, we will support you in this and it happened so fast you still have thing to work out with God. Praying that you get full custody, and for your continued personal recovery Brother

Thanks CP. Full custody would be a dream come true. As for WW it would be a fight till the end. I know she cannot finance a lawyer right now, not unless OM wants to buck up and pay for it. Dont really know why he wants anything to do with her. She must be super freaky with him for him to put up with her.

Truly I want this WW to just start waking up.

[quote=lostman101Meeting Sunday was a foolish mistake on my part, but the WW kept pushing me till she got her way.
Repeat after me "I will not speak with you. All things are settled through my IM or an attorney. (repeat as many times as necessary while you close the door or hang up a phone, etc)
I never have discussion with her and she wanted to talk and persisted on and on. Her persistance doesn't matter, if you leave the place she is and walk away, close a door and lock it, etc. Politely and with resolve, turn away and block her access to speaking with you.
Letting me know i didn't need to have my defenses up and so on. I gave in. You did cause this happened so quickly you never got your strength up to say "No." and mean it. That is a given with the speed your marriage was legally ended. You can get the strength now [/quote]

I must admit, my life went through a tornado this year. and dang everything has happened so fast, that is so true. At the begining of this year i was married and was curious what my wife was up to, but never really dreamed of the affair to being fully divorced June 21. Now that ladies and gentlemen seems completely unreal. And she cant understand why i have not moved on yet

Can her parents help out with this? Understanding that they're probably retired, in their 60s and been through a lot, maybe they'll help out sometimes?

And, if you cannot find an IM, I'd change my phone number and tell her to communicate only via email or attorney. If it's an emergency (as in someone shot their eye out with a BB gun) she has the phone number for your parents and they can call you. Not ideal, but thought I'd toss that out there for consideration.

Stick with the court schedule for visitation. Let her go to court if she wants to change it.

...sounds like exactly the type of situation you should take advantage of, and turn her weak situation into opportunity for you.

Remember this:

Your XWW is not your W.
Your XWW is not your friend.
Your XWW is not acting in your best interests.
Your XWW is not acting in your children's best interests.
YOU need to act in your own best interests.
YOU need to act in your children's best interests.

MiM is right on LostM

Strike while the iron is hot.

She is not hurt, she is out to hurt everyone, and you should remove the emotions of protecting her and whatever feelings you have for her. Right now your confused but we are telling you the truth and the best thing for you and the kids protection.

Get a lawyer, get a PI, get evidence that the court will use, can use in your state, to get full custody. The sleaze ball OM just wants to stay hidden thats all, he won't care how much you hurt her as long as he is mostly uninvolved. Those guys consider it a matter of pride they are banging a mans wife, as long as they can be safe because the dumb broad,(Their terminology not mine), is divorced. They could care less.

OM doesn't care about your wife, beyond what function she serves in building his ego, so I doubt he will do much to help her.

Go after it she is in a sick place and in no shape to have the kids. They will thank you later.

What would God do? Oh yeah he would die for you and your kids. Don't believe that is gonna happen to you from this guy, not for your wife, I would be more afraid of her mind.

Time to get tough LostM she is in a dangerous place and loving the excitment of it. Protect yourself and your children. You are the only one who can.

Yes reading you are right.

This is another case of a seemingly strong woman getting her way most of the time, running the show most the time also, and a Man trusting her to keep her head together.

You need to get total custody and do it fast for your kids. We can be here to help you rebuild your ego and self esteem later LostM. Don't think about it, do it.

You gotta hate where she is and where she is going, and maybe even her presence too. Beleive me you should to. Can we say "Evil witch" maybe?
You can't see it because you are to close, and thats what we are for, to be objective advisors.

You are right on the money with her. She has currently backed down and keeping to her schedule. IF she starts up again i will have to step up my game on this.

Lost,

Good job. You are doing this for the best interest of your kids--if the roles were to be reversed how would she go about it???? I think of that often.

Your in-laws are on your team. They know you were (are) a good husband, father, and person and that their grandkids welfare could or is in jeopardy with their own daughter. It is a fine line to cross because I'm in the same boat, but always remember that you are putting your kids welfare as a top priority-and them even being around any other man is very detrimental to their overall health. I take that VERY serious and I see you do to.

Keep fighting the good fight Lost--Because it really is for the GOOD!

Someday the fog will lift and hopefully these ww will see us as men who really wanted and fought for what was right.

Thanks Inner, that is encouraging. Yes my inlaws would back me on everything. I would guess they would help me go for full custody, as well as everyone i know. As much as i want that and may do it someday if she doesnt straighten out, I hate the fact that i have to go that extreme. She is still there mother. A bad one, but yet the only one. Im trying to remain as civil as i can and be a brick wall. WW does not like that, but i have not budged on things she wants.