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You may have to repeat like a broken record but lecturing until you are blue in the face is not going to help. Exactly! Examples of broken record responses: (I call these pocket responses ..... keep them handy for when the need suddenly arrises) "I think everyone deserves the truth."
"Keeping secrets is not my job. My job is to save my marriage."
"Thanks for your opinion."
"Nevertheless, I will fight for my marriage and my family."
"I appreciate your thoughts."
"Standing up for my marriage and my family is never the wrong thing to do."
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Thank you all - just sent the email & copied OM & WW. This is unreal. Got a call from mother-inlaw begging me not to tell our daughter. Didn't back down. ] Good job! Did you read my email about calling the OMW? I suspect that email was written by the OM. He might have intercepted your email last night and hacked into his wife's email account. I would BE SURE and call her today to make sure she knows about the email you sent last night and to ask her if she sent this email today. That email sounds like was written by the OM and BobPure has professional experience with this. He thinks it was written by a man. Yes - thanks for the direction here.
Me: 44
She: 38
Married: 11yrs
Children: 8yo daughter
Length of Affair: 6 weeks PA
Currently Plan A
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I suspect that email was written by the OM. If he didn't write it directly, he certainly had a hand in it. The reference to the affair happening "after hours" certainly suggests to me that it was written by someone who was very concerned about losing their job, and that would be the OM. The other possibility (less likely) as that the OMW was already informed of the A by the OM some time ago. The e-mail does not strike me as one that was written by someone who just found out about the A.
ManInMotion
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(see "MiM's Story" for more details)
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The e-mail does not strike me as one that was written by someone who just found out about the A. Correct - he told her it was a light EA last week. She had no idea of the details I was able to provide. Which she has shown him.
Me: 44
She: 38
Married: 11yrs
Children: 8yo daughter
Length of Affair: 6 weeks PA
Currently Plan A
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MM, do you realize the time between your first and most recent post is just about 27 HOURS! Think of the damage to the affair, and the good for your marriage, that you have accomplished in less time than MelodyLane usually takes to buzz-bomb her high-piled hair (or me to actually construct a reasonable note)!
You might not yet understand the reference, MM, but you should change your sign-on to Clank-Clank, in recognition of the extensive supply of "brass" residing in your shorts!
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Clank-Clank, in recognition of the extensive supply of "brass" residing in your shorts! 
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[img:left] http://cl.ly/0T322U3j2t0B2e0a3r1V[/img] I gave a gift to my wife on Tuesday. I took her to a really private special place not far from our house where there is an amazing environment with a stream, trees, rocks, etc. I told here that I wanted her to know about this place so she would have a place of refuge if you will. I built 3 cairns of stone to represent me, her & our daughter (which was downstream as it should be). I told her how the cairns represent us and that my wish was that this place could bring her clarity to do the right thing. This is a photo of her cairn.
Me: 44
She: 38
Married: 11yrs
Children: 8yo daughter
Length of Affair: 6 weeks PA
Currently Plan A
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The email may or may not be from BW but it is very possible it is her. There are plenty of BSs that live in denial...some for years and years who would rather live on in Plan Hope. If by some chance the email was from OM, OMW will find out soon enough once the drama unfolds with the school district. I would not contact OMW again just yet. Assume the OM is reading the email...GOOD! Keep addressing the situation as if addressing the BW and let him know he's about to have the dogs of hell unleashed on him so to speak. If he is reading he will be sh^%tting a few dozen bricks...GOOD!!
Have you heard anything from the school, MM?
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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TOMW will find out soon enough once the drama unfolds with the school district. I would not contact OMW again just yet. I disagree on this. She won't find out if she is told a highly spun story. It won't hurt at all to verify that she did send the email, but it will hurt if it was the OM and he is conning his wife. I have no doubt the OM spun a story to his wife and wants very much to keep that story in place so he can continue his affair. MM, you need to call the OMW personally and make sure it was her who sent that email and make sure she got your email last night. We have had too many WS's intercept emails like that and write fake emails to just accept that at face value. Keep in mind you are dealing with a class A SNAKE whose marriage and career are on the line. He is a liar who would not be above sending you fake emails.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Have you heard anything from the school, MM? Nothing from the school yet (biting fingernails).
Me: 44
She: 38
Married: 11yrs
Children: 8yo daughter
Length of Affair: 6 weeks PA
Currently Plan A
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Just got this email from her:
"I will sign a lease tomorrow on a place for me. We should consult on a parenting plan."
Me: 44
She: 38
Married: 11yrs
Children: 8yo daughter
Length of Affair: 6 weeks PA
Currently Plan A
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I disagree on this. She won't find out if she is told a highly spun story. It won't hurt at all to verify that she did send the email, but it will hurt if it was the OM and he is conning his wife. I have no doubt the OM spun a story to his wife and wants very much to keep that story in place so he can continue his affair. I am not saying don't verify this info soon but I don't think it has to be today. There is still a traumatized BS here. Pushing her may push her away all together. MM, has your all contact with BW been via email? I was under the impression you two had spoken when the PA was confirmed. Please clarify.
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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I don't see any reason to wait. He needs to verify that this is her. If the OM is sending these emails she needs to know sooner rather than later.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Just got this email from her:
"I will sign a lease tomorrow on a place for me. We should consult on a parenting plan." Lock up any jointly held monies.
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And do not respond to that email.
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Pushing her may push her away all together. MM, has your all contact with BW been via email? I was under the impression you two had spoken when the PA was confirmed. Please clarify. I called her yesterday for the first time even though the PA was confirmed last week (my bad I know). Then there was brief email correspondence.
Me: 44
She: 38
Married: 11yrs
Children: 8yo daughter
Length of Affair: 6 weeks PA
Currently Plan A
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And do NOT allow her to move the kids in with her.
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Have you heard anything from the school, MM? Nothing from the school yet (biting fingernails). Then call or go down there...to the school district not the school (since OM is the principal who knows who will cover for him) If a secretary says everyone is busy or whatever, tell her you want a call back PRONTO. If you show up at the district office, even better. Be calm but firm...someone better talk to you before the school/district gets bad publicity around town **cough** Do not ever threaten or say you will do something you won't. Employers don't want egg on their faces...especially a place like a school. Start taking names.
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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I don't see any reason to wait. He needs to verify that this is her. If the OM is sending these emails she needs to know sooner rather than later. I look at it as giving OM more rope...but that's me.
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Just got this email from her:
"I will sign a lease tomorrow on a place for me. We should consult on a parenting plan." "I have no interest in a parenting plan and don't intend to allow DD to be removed from her safe home to accommodate your affair." This is the first volley of THREATS, MM. Let her know you will not cooperate and if this does go to divorce, that you will be filing on grounds of ADULTERY and will be going for primary custody and possession of the house. Let her know that the OM will be named in the suit and will be subpoenaed to court. You need to paint a very ugly picture if she pursues this path. I view her comment as a SCARE tactic to get you to panic and back down.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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