Verify that OMW sent email, and has recieved all the proof you have sent her.

That email sounds as if the OM wrote it. It has his stench all over it.

Go to her house or place of business and talk in person.

Melody and others that expressed these concerns know what they are talking about and you better man up.

OMW did send email
Just had the most heartbreaking talk with daughter
Super left VM for me and is calling me in 5

I feel like my whole life is evaporating.

No, your whole life was evaporating YESTERDAY when you were on a fast track to divorce. TODAY you have a chance. Hang in there and stand firm. You are doing the right thing. I am saying a prayer for you right now.

I am sorry for your daughter. You did the right thing in telling her and preparing her for the chaos in her family. At least now she will now she is not the cause and will be better equipped to navigate this difficult time in her family.

Be strong, MM!!

I also agree that letter reeks of the OM...however, the omw might have ALREADY dealt with this situation BEFORE with her wh..Just a thought about that.

She could be like my xwh's ow/wistress, who didn't really care what her H (my xwh) did (he cheated like mad on her), so as long as he provided her with a luxury car, a nice home, a pool, trips, and jewelry and clothes. She could easily be MADE to look away from his actions.

Either this was written by the om (which is my guess) or else his bw has dealt with this BEFORE and knows that if he loses a nice job in THIS economy, it could cause serious issues. I am also guessing this may have happened maybe at a prior school or at the SAME SCHOOL?

Just my thoughts on this.

But DO secure your assets NOW. And make sure your child is not taken into this home.

Save that email, as it PROVES there was an affair. What is does sound like, even IF the bw DID write that letter btw, is that she was coached by her WH/OM.

The use of the words "happened between two adults AFTER school hours" is spin in case there is a SEXUAL HARASSMENT LAWSUIT filed, should your ww become a non-wayward or if there is something else we don't know about..like the om making moves or HARASSING other educators (or even students as I said before). There is something..JUST SOMETHING...about this OM that is not quite like the other waywards I see here. Something dark about this guy.

But do stand up to him...KEEP standing up to him. And to the wayward mindset inhabiting the brain of your wife.

YOU DA MAN! You have done an amazing job standing up for your marriage and family. You sir, are a marriage warrior!!!

Fwiw, if it were me, I'd hire a PI to investigate this situation. Possibly this has definitely happened before, or this guy has some sort of past.

It would be interesting to see what a PI could dig up. My bet is that he has had some sort of disciplinary action in the past for the same kind of (or even worse) behavior.

MM-

Just want to let you know that you are doing great. Many betrayed husbands wait and second guess the advice here but you just did it!! You listened, followed and just did it and it was probably the hardest that you've ever done and you did it for your family . Please keep following the vets advice here (even if you think it doesn't make sense). You are in the right and only path to recovery whether with your wife beside you or personal recovery.

Don't forget to buy a voice activated recorder if you haven't already BUY IT NOW and have it with you at all times. She might accuse you of domestic violence.

Please vent your frustrations here but consult with your doctor if you need medications.

I feel like my whole life is evaporating. [/quote]

I know you do, I did too. Exposure was very hard for me but I did it and I am glad I did. I listened to Mel and the others and did it. You are doing an AMAZING job. Keep it up. I am impressed the Super is calling you back. In my district I could see them ignoring a situation like this.

As far as the OMW, my bet is she is being bullied by him with, "If this keeps up I may lose my job, and where will we be then". She is scared of the "What if's" and just wants it to all blow over. He has been doing a good job of getting in her head with all of the "After hours" talk. You don't need her now, don't worry about her.

Keep up the good work, it won't always be this bad. Two years out I can say that now. Good luck!

exposure works, it takes time for the affair to blow up, sit back and let it happen. It will be tough to be patient and she will be spitting nails, if she moves out let her, she will come running back in no time, watch how quickly the OM dumps her.....
Your wife will say nasty things and ugly things and make all kinds of threats and blame you for the marriage breakdown and any possibility of fixing it.......she will deflect a lot. don't listen to a word, just keep saying I am fighting for my marriage and my family and I will do whatever I have to do, over and over again...........
Tell her you love her and when she is willing to give up the OM you would be willing to talk about recovery.
Don't argue, just be firm with your boundaries and then sit back and watch life for her fall apart.........
she will realize what a stupid move it was and is to have this relationship.
Patience, just focus on your daughter and yourself, make sure you get some rest, eat.............and surround yourself with family and friends......
jessi

OK - I thought last week was bad - this is just off the charts.
Spoke w/Super & head of HR - he was very appreciative of my contact & efforts. He basically said that it's now an employee issue and he will not be able to discuss it with me. Fine, I said & I just wanted them to know. Done.

Family meeting of sorts - let daughter do much of the talking. WW said she's looking at an apt, leases are 12mos but that she would have her family pay for it. I kept saying in a calm reassuring voice that I love you and I want to work on this. She said it's "beyond work." Really pissed - like calm, eerie pissed. She says she's spending the night at a hotel and has seen an attorney for a legal separation where she would get daughter 1/2 time - sucks. Daughter should not have to be taken from the home. Attorney time?

As she left to take daughter to an event I said I love you & turned around to finish the dishes.

Thanks!

Don't let this bother you, it is very unlikely she will do any of this. Even if she does, it is FAR from over. She is attempting to turn this around to make you the bad guy so she doesn't have to take accountability for her wrongdoing.

What state are you in?

And what did your daughter say?

Do you really think her parents would fund such a thing? Have you spoken to both her parents and made sure they fully understand this is an affair? Will they use their influence to persuade her to end her affair?

Did you do this yet? This goes for savings, checking, retirement, and HELOC if you have one. We've had WW's drain tens of thousands from joint finances and use it for attorney retainers, getting and furnishing a new apartment, trips, dining out and generally living it up off marital assets. Don't let this happen to you!

I'd also recommend you send a certified letter to the superintendent and the school board. I think ML referenced one earlier in the thread. The reasoning is that an email or a phone call is easier to blow off, but something in writing that someone had to sign for is a whole different matter.

Whatever happens, do not move out of your home, and do not let WW take your daughter to live with her without a court order!

CO
Daughter said she wants mommy to stay and that I'm the right man for her. She said that she understands mommy made a bad choice but she can help make it better by staying. Daughter was very brave but did cry quite a bit. Unsolicited she said that daddy loves you and didn't say anything bad about you. He told me you love me too.

MM wanted to add some support. Things often appear to get worse before they get better. You are doing great!! This is how you kill an A.

If your WW is anything like my WH (and most likely she is since waywards are all the same - frightening) she will go meet the OM after she drops your DD off at the event.

Did you GPS her car? It is always good to know their meeting spots.

Hang in there.

MM,

He basically said that it's now an employee issue and he will not be able to discuss it with me.

Right so they are taking this seriously, left jab to OM!

The OMW knows it is a physical affair left hook to OM head!

Since the OM is being exposed at work, possibly other women will come forward, slap to OM face! His moral authority as head of a family organization is GONE weight dropped on OM foot!

Your W realizes her behavior is inexcusable and wants to disappear, but the affair was her choice not yours.

IF she enters into another relationship she has two choices, LIE to her new partner about how her marriage ended or tell the truth in which case her new partner will think less of her.

W entering into a relationship with OM is now very nearly impossible since he dropped her like a hot potato.

You've done a mans job sir!

God Bless
Gamma

Maybe you should make an unexpected appearance at the event to see what WW is up to.

God Bless her little heart. I hope she got through to your wife.

If your wife brings up leaving again, let her know you won't allow her to take your DD out of the home without a court order. Tell her that is not fair to disrupt her home for her affair.

Her reasons for wanting to leave are either a) to scare you into submission or b) so she can move out and pursue the OM in peace

Because of this, it is real important to not let her scare you about her leaving. A WW plays that card in order to GET CONTROL. She is hoping you will beg and plead for her to stay. You don't want to do that.

Tell her, "me and DD would sure hate to see you go, but I won't try to stop you. That would happen anyway if you didn't end your contact with OM."

The next step is to paint a very ugly picture of the future if she pursues a separation/divorce. Let her know you will seek primary custody of your DD because of the poor judgment she has shown by having an affair with a married man. You do not want your DD exposed to such unsavory characters and will do what it takes to protect her. Tell her for that reason, you will be countersuing on grounds of ADULTERY and bringing the OM and his wife into court to give testimony of the affair. His emails and cell phone records will be subpeonaed under discovery.

Make it look ugly and bleak as possible.

They want you to shut up...I would not. While he may not be able to discuss it with you (that part may be true), I would not let the workplace exposure end on that note. One of them has to leave the workplace.

Anyone else at the school know? What about WW's family?

This is normal. They won't talk to you. But rest assured that they are taking this very seriously!

If they respond like my H's employer did, they have already been on the phone with the district's attorney. They will have to hire an independent investigator to interview WW and OM to determine whether or not grounds for a possible sexual harassment lawsuit exists. (That's their main concern, like any business.)

They will find no grounds for a lawsuit. Now, here's where it could be interesting. They can't let the two of them continue to work together, so someone's going to have to go. It would be nice if they would terminate OM on the grounds of immoral conduct, but that would probably only happen if he agreed to a morality clause when he was hired. I suspect they will probably transfer your WW to another school district. She's lower on the food chain than OM.

Have you locked down your finances yet? Please do so immediately.

I would be ready to contact an attorney to discuss your rights if she actually does move out. We've heard plenty of stories about WWs storming out after exposure, only to return later. Think about it: she's leaving her home to go...nowhere. OM is obviously staying with his BW, so she can't go to him.