Please go back and read my post. I didnt say i cheated previously, I said my marriage was over. The reason I included this infomation was to expalin why I made the decision at the time to have a sexual relationship with a friend with no strings attached. We were not in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. Because of what I was going through at the time, I decided to have a sexual relationship with a friend to feel better about myself. All my ex husaband showed me was that I was worthless and could do nothing right.

I got the impression that you were with another man before the divorce was final. Am I wrong? "My marriage was over" and "I was divorced" are two different things.

Self esteem, self respect, self reverence ..... think about what this really means.

Think about what brings long term respect for the self.

What sort of accomplishments justify us feeling good about ourselves?

What sorts of acts bring us honor and pride?

What personal accomplishments might we (rightly) share with the world?

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How did that work out for you? Having sex to feel better? Letting someone else use your body for their pleasure to make yourself feel better?

Not sure how letting someone pleasure themselves with your body makes you feel worth something.

I'm sorry, you're response seems rude and sarcastic. "How did that work out for you?" You act like I'm the only person in the world that has made a bad decision or had sex for the wrong reason. What about all the people that meet online or at bars for a one night stand. This is not my personal belief or obviously yours but you dont have to be rude. I made a wrong decision and actually it did "work out" for me at the time. After nine years of my ex husband treating me like [censored], showing me no respect, and telling me i couldn't do anything right, it made me feel liked, not worthless. Everyone makes bad decisions, and this one I do regret, but i can not go back and change it.

Res,

I wasn't being rude and sarcastic. I am trying to understand where you are at.

But you said it did work out. I am wondering how. The person you were in the relationship with to feel good about yourself is the same person your partner is questioning your integrity with, correct?

Your partner wants assurance that you have not lied, right? Words obviously aren't doing the trick and he wants a more sure way of being assured.

What EP's are in place to protect you and him from making yourself feel good about yourself in the future?

What have you done to reassure your H that your boundaries are tight and that they were tight when this guy showed back up?

CV

Hello all,

Thank you all again for your help and suggestions. Has anyone here taken the polygraph before? What was the outcome relationshipwise? How did both parties feel prior to and after the polygraph? Did it adversely affect your relationship? How did you feel about taking the poly? Please let us know what happened as a result. who suggested it and how willing or not both parties involved were in taking the test. We have found services in our area and are doing the research on it but would like to hear from people who have had this done in order to prove or disprove fidelity.

my H did to prove that once and for all it was all out there he trickled me for 3 mos.

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2541344&page=26

it goes on for a few pages.

as horrible as the day was, it was the only way that i was ever going to believe anything he said.

i told H it was a requirement for me and he eager to prove his honesty.

You two are beating a dead horse. Have her take the poly and be done with it. I do not know what you hope to accomplish by dragging this out so long.

RS, because of my wife's affair, we had her take a polygraph. I want to say that it has done a lot to restore my trust in her, and clear the air. We both agreed that it be done, in order to prove she was honest and to help me decide if I wanted to continue the marriage or not. She passed it with flying colors, so I decided to reconcile. Hope this helps.

RSs please note that MM came here on Aug 25, 3 weeks after he caught his WW with another man. Caught, as in, he walked in on her half undressed sitting on another man's lap. By Sept 2, his WW had taken a poly and passed and now they are working a plan for recovery.

Stop dragging this out.

Thank you for all of your opinions. we have considered the polygraph and are working towards getting it done. financial considerations are an issue at this moment as it would cost 300 per person for the test. We apologize for the delay. Thank you all again.

Good deal! this is forward progress and gives hope while working towards a goal! While you are both saving for the tests, here are some things you may want to consider:

1) Which of you is it most important for you both to have the poly done on first?

2) What are the questions you want each of you to ask?

3) Once the test is done, do you have a plan to continue to move forward?

CV

RS, If I were you, I would do everything possible to pay for the polygraphs. In my situation, it has paid for itself many times over, in helping to restore trust. My wife says that it basically saved our marriage, as I was ready to kick her to the curb. Since then, we are proceeding with our recovery plan, and things are much, much, better. She is proving herself a loyal, loving, respectful,honest wife, in our new improved marriage, and I'm fairly sure that forgiveness isn't far away. Without the poly, we would be a divorce in progress.

Why "per person"? Why do you need to take one? Have you had an affair? Does your wife doubt your honesty, and if so, about what?

Saving up to pay for two tests seems to be another way to drag this out. We have been suggesting a polygraph to you since you first came here, and it still hasn't been done.

Thanks again, I am glad the polys worked out for you both. Yes it still hasn't been done. There are extenuating circumstances for that. I needed to buy a new car and as a freelancer work is slow due to the NBA lock out and the former NFl one. i work in sports and also the Stars declared bankruptcy and have cut back on staff and pay for the season. So thing are t ight and gonna be for awhile. Other thatn that yeah it sucks to wait it out but we have both come to grips with that and are working to be patient and focus on getting beter right now while we work towards the polys.

You didn't answer my question. Why are BOTH of you getting polys?

I think you have to let it go. Why? Because she is your daughter. And you are presupposing that you know what this guy might have been thinking when he came by. That would make you a mind reader. Now, on the basis of your ability to read that guys mind, you are willing to ruin your marriage over worrying about it. Did you have a history before you hooked up with your GF? She was stupid for not telling you about the other guy, but there again, what can you do? We all have histories. So my opinion is fugettaboudit.

What? No one is saying she isnt his daughter! That is not the issue!

Are you seriously suggesting he sweep a potential affair and his gut instincts under the rug?

When a simple poly will prove what the facts are?

That is not MB advice. When did Dr H ever say 'fugettaboudit'?

Now, Resolutionseekers. I implore you to set up separate accounts. The way you are trying to operate is crazy. I dont even know who I am addressing here.

May I suggest that the bf (you arent married - that's fine but deal with it please) remains as this identity and the gf sets up as ladyresolutionseeker or some other name if she wishes.

It takes twice as long to give advice this way and you have already dragged this misery out far too long than can be good for your little family.

For example I wish to ask why you're getting two polys, but it is pointless to ask it on here - because I dont know who is answering.

Sort it out please.