Well even though I have no responses yet I will continue to update. I just got a text from my WW this morning saying, I know Im not welcome at the house, but I want to see the girls. Will you let me see them? I did not respond. She sent another text that just says I will stop by around 6:30/7pm. I still did not respond. She then sent a text that said so literally you are not gonna text me back, I just want to see the girls. I finally responded and put please dont text me anymore. We will set up something with the kids but I think we need an intermediary person to work with because I want ZERO contact with you. Her last text she sent in reply: Whoa Whoa wait what? You are joking right?

So now what? Am I doing this right so far? Like I said Im sure I am overstepping my bounderies a little with my stepdaughters since I have no real legal rights to them, but damnit they are my family and I love them like my own so I am fighting for them just like I am fighting for my marriage.

Lvin,

I haven't caught up yet, but the 1st thing you need to do is expose your wife. It is the loving thing to do. You need to expose to the kids as well. You can do this in an age appropriate fashion. What she has done by leaving is abandoned her kids. All of them.

If you are in plan B, you need an IM someone to run interference for you. If you are in plan A, it's a different story.

Are you saying you tipped your hand to the fact that you are posting on MB?



Well, you sort of jumped the gun here.


I hope your demeanor was calm & serious but not angry.



No.
Plan B is when you Plan A right up to the moment you hand the WW a Plan B letter.
You acted in the moment. Not according to any MB plan.



Plan A ..... have you read about it?




Please, read the carrot/stick link in my sig line.
it gives a outline of plan A basics.
Ask questions about Plan A.

How are you emotionally?

Do you drink alcohol? Take drugs?
Are you thinking of suicide?

Are you completely prepared for plan B?

Written your Plan B letter?

Got an IM?
On the notable posts there is an excellent post on how to Plan B properly.

Also how long did you Plan A?

Was it the best Plan A you could do? I think you need to Plan A longer and make sure you are doing the carrot and stick of Plan A. It is on Pepperband's sig line if you need to find it.

We are here for you, but have a plan and try not to react out of frustrations.

Also, holidays tend to be slow on the boards.

No I did none of those things. I struggled with depression. I always have but this has been the first time I struggled with it and had a family to support and think of. So it really blindsided me. But I am not thinking of any of that nor do I do any of those things you mentioned.

Yes I think I definitely reacted out of my frustration at the time. I was in Plan A mode for about 3 months. I showed her nothing but how great it is at home now and how I've been changing. We did argue maybe twice when I let the frustration get to me, but it was something I quickly acknowledged and apologized for.

Pepperband
I did not let her know I am on this site. I only showed her that I had read up on what was occurring. I was calm and caring when I gave her the option to stay and work this out. So I think I might have fudged up on my Plan A...oh no Ok so my question is do I allow her back into the home then and work on plan A again? Also I am really not sure who I would use as an IM. I am not close with anyone that I feel confident that could handle the task of being an IM.

So tell us about your Paln A?

What are her top 5 EN? How were you in meeting those needs?

Have you committed any lovebusters?

You can only change you and not her. Let her see the best Husband ever, but start to prepare for Plan B.

Did you read up on Plan B?

Great !

It was not so bad. Cut yourself some slack. No one does this perfectly.

Update again...I came home yesterday with my kids after spending Labor Day with some family and my wife was in the home doing laundry. I assumed she was just doing her laundry and gathering up the rest of the items she didnt take when she left the day before. I didnt acknowledge her I just began putting my children into bed, but they did run to greet her. I came into the kitchen for water and she basically collapsed into my arms. She was sobbing and apologizing, saying she wants to work on us and she never had felt so alone. She couldn't believe that I stood my ground and she stayed up really analyzing everything she was throwing out the window.

I was apprehensive to say the least. I mean it was only one night and one full day, but maybe thats all she needed. Like I said before we have been together basically everyday for the last 5 years of our life. So we sat down and laid down a plan that we needed to have in order to work on our marriage. I explained the NC for life, transparency over everything and just some general things I needed in order to feel safe. We also talked about how abandoned she felt when I was in my depression and that just how I feel unsafe and distrustful in her because of the affair she has the same feelings and fears of me "relapsing" into a depressive state.

So although we are in the very very beginning stages of trying to get through this. I am relieved that she is at least willing to give it a try. She was completely resistant for 3 long months and I want to thank everyone here that has helped me for getting us to this point. We still have a lot to work on and I am most def sure that we have not risen above the chaos yet but baby steps right?

Lv, I don't like this one bit. She was packing her bag 24 hours ago! I hope she's had an epiphany, but this seems waaaay to convenient.

What snooping tools do you have in place? Did you expose the A to anyone?

I was thinking the same thing. I exposed it to about 10 people that are dear to her. One in particular being a close friend that she conveniently didn't tell the whole story of why we were separated. She did tell me that she had MULTIPLE friends call her and basically gave her an earful and told her how immature and selfish etc she was being. By the end of exposure I had about 15 ppl that I didn't even really know much about telling me they were with me 100% and that they were gonna give her a call.

I still have my keyloggers, I have been to the cell store to replace her phone (which I installed a tracker/stealth file on) We sat and deleted her email addresses, facebook accounts, although I left the keylogger on just to make sure she did not set up another.

Good! This will help keep you safe until you can determine she is genuine! Keep snooping and checking. Hold her accountable and continue to eliminate LB's and meet the en's in the meantime.


CV

Yeah thats what I plan to do. Its just strange. She still seems distant but I'm guessing that is part of the process she has to go through getting over and out of her fog. Correct me if Im wrong?

Yeah thats what I plan to do. Its just strange. She still seems distant but I'm guessing that is part of the process she has to go through getting over and out of her fog. Correct me if Im wrong? [/quote]


Lvin,

My wife did not experience a fog after I found out. Many waywards however (I think the majority) do experience a fog and it can take several weeks for it to lift. This sounds like a bad analogy, but it's like training a dog. You have to be consistent and persistent in your approach. Waywards often begin lying to themselves and depending on the person, it takes time for the lies to unravel fully, or to a point they can see themselves and what they've done. So yes, this may indeed be part of the process.

CV

My .02 here...there has been NO ENDING really of the affair online.

Since she has created an online persona which is totally DIFFERENT and FALSE than who she is in real life, this omw needs to be exposed too now. Like yesterday sir.

Have you discovered the real identity of this online coward and have you exposed to HIS WIFE? I betcha his wife will be really glad to convey to her husband that his fantasy computer chick (your wife) is NOTHING like she is in onscreen. That her real life is very different..

You need to find out who om is.

Hi Peachy I did my best to expose the jerk and he is a complete loser. No wife, No kids, dead end job. (I mean he is only 22) So there is really no one to expose him to. I did send a couple of the same type of emails I sent to my wife's friends (of course they were worded a bit differently) to people I found on his FB page.

Well I got my wife to take the emotional needs quiz and it was actually pretty cool to just spend time with her and talk about what she and I felt was lacking. I'm having a very hard time dealing with the fact that she misses this guy. She told me last night that she misses him and that this is hard. It really hurt me deep to hear her say that although I already knew thats how she felt. I guess it just does not make sense to me that you would miss this person instead of seeing that you made the right choice by trying to save your family and marriage. She even said she is trying for our kids more than anything and that her heart is just not in it for me and her.
So I guess Im feeling numb. Im starting to feel really dejected and not good enough I guess. I know I asked her to tell me the gritty details and she did but now I kind of wish I had not. Her telling me how he made her feel alive, made her feel wanted and made her feel important....well it feels like a kick in the teeth to me.
I guess the only positive thing I did was come here to vent, instead of venting to her. ALthough she is onboard with me having access to everything, she kind of gets an attitude about it at times. Is this just the typical reaction of a WS after the affair has been ended? I know I read about the state of withdrawal and that sounds like what she is in.